Glass Memories
by Breathing2nd
Summary: Modern Alternate Universe. Lavellan wakes up in a hospital, without her memories. She doesn't know the people. She doesn't know the time. She remembers moments, feelings, dreams, but nothing seems real. She'll have to remember who she is while glimpses of another life plague her dreams and bleed into her waking moments.
1. Waking

_"In another world…"_

"Look! She's waking up!"

 _"Why not this one?"_

"Get a doctor! Get a nurse! Get someone!"

 _"I…can't…"_

Words and voices drifted in and out of her subconscious. The sounds of machines beeping, doors closing, feet scuffling against tile. There was the singing of magic and the chirping of birds somewhere far off. She could almost feel the sunshine in her hair and felt the mist of a nearby waterfall caressing her cheeks. Though, the room was too cold. The blankets across her legs felt heavy. Her eyelids felt heavy. Too heavy to lift. The light outside was too bright.

 _"I'm sorry."_

A light in her eyes, blinding. Noise. Metal, cold, hard, unforgiving. Where's the singing? Where are the birds and the sun and the sound of falling water?

"Get me a sedative." A cruel voice. Monotone, indifferent.

"No, won't that put her back to sleep?" This one is familiar to her. Concerned, feminine but strong.

"Her heart is racing, her blood pressure is spiking, we need to calm her down or she might slip back into the coma!"

Pain. Stinging, burning, spreading like fire in her veins. She opened her eyes, wide, too wide. Faces to go with the voices but she wasn't sure of their names. Some familiar, others alien. She screamed at them wordlessly as the flames in her body quieted to numbness and she sank back against the pillows and cold, damp sheets.

"Is she?"

"She's stable. She may fall asleep, but she can hear you now. Though, we'll keep the bracelet on as a precaution."

"She would never hurt us."

"I'm not worried about _you_." The cruel voice seemed farther away now. She heard a door close with a heavy sound. There was movement nearby, a shifting of cloth and leather squeaking. She tried to lift her eyelids but they were weighed down with sleep.

"Elera?" The female voice again. "Elera, can you hear me? It's Cassandra."

"Perhaps you should let her rest?" A male voice, warm and kind. She knew this one too.

"She's been _resting_ for months, Cullen!" The woman growled. "Come on Elera. Open your eyes?" There was a firmness to the woman's voice that she wanted to answer. Like she'd been on the wrong end of that brash voice more than once, but it was somehow endearing.

She forced her eyes to open, but it was slow and they closed instantly. "There! You see!" Delight colored the female voice. "Come on, Elera, try again."

Elera? Elera…was that her name?

 _"Ar lath ma, vhenan."_

 _Vhenan…vhenan_ , she knew that name too. Sang on the lips of one she'd kissed…and missed. One name made her heart ache but the other felt like…home. She fought against her body and tried to lift her lids once more. The light was dimmer now but it was no less a struggle.

" _Maker_." Someone said it, or maybe they both had. The word felt heavy on their lips. It was important, maybe to them, but it felt hollow to her. It wasn't _her_ maker.

It was getting easier to open her eyes. Her lids were still so heavy and sleep felt like a shroud hanging over her, ready to smother her once more, but she managed to hold it at bay. The room was dim. There were lights from somewhere nearby. Faint, unnatural glows, casting false light into the shadows of the room. Machines beeped and breathed beside her. The room was cold and sterile. Too white, even in the darkness. A face peered down at her. A familiar face. Cassandra? It was familiar and it wasn't.

"Elera?" Her face was beautiful, despite the scars. Her pale, hazel eyes looked tired and bloodshot, but were no less striking. Her short, black hair made her bronze skin look all the more rich, even in the sparse lighting. A man's face came into view next. His honey colored curls looked disheveled and out of place, even though they were cropped close. His eyes were as warm as his voice and he looked to have a few days stubble beginning to bloom across his strong jaw.

"We thought we'd lost you." He rumbled and the sound made her want to smile. She knew these two. She had to, but…

It was all wrong. This wasn't…but hadn't she been…weren't they…it was all a blur, all fuzzy shadows eating away at her memories. She had impressions. Feelings, but nothing else. She felt as if she knew these people, but didn't know where from. She didn't understand. Where had it all gone? Where was the voice from before? There had been another man. Not the cruel one who didn't care. There had been another voice. A soft, cultured timber that sang to her blood like magic.

"Do you know where you are?" Cassandra asked.

"Do you know who _we_ are?" Cullen asked. Cassandra and Cullen. She knew them, didn't she? Didn't she?

She opened her mouth to speak. Her throat was raw, as if she'd swallowed glass. It was so dry, she had to try twice before choking out a single word. "No."


	2. Discharged

Spinning. Spinning. Three rings of metal held together by a lock she didn't hold the key to. She spun them around and around her narrow wrist. She could feel them pulling on her. One for mind, one for body, one for spirit. It was a grounding circle. She hadn't known what it was when she'd looked at it, but Cassandra had been very forthcoming with information. Elera didn't always understand what any of it meant, but for this, at least, she had.

It nullified magic.

 _Her_ magic.

She was a mage. When they told her, the word sang though her body, resonating truth. She could bend the very elements to her will and that frightened people. She understood that much.

"We will remove it as soon as we leave." Cassandra reassured her. Cassandra. Her friend. She felt that truth as well, down in her bones somewhere. The woman who had scarcely left her side since she'd been admitted into the hospital according to Cullen. Cassandra stood on the other side of the room. She had brought a change of clothes for her to go home in. They were discharging her today. As soon as possible, the doctor had said. He had seemed all too eager to be rid of her. Though Elera couldn't quite understand why. Was it because she was a mage?

"Why am I wearing it? If I was in a coma, why did I need it?" She asked. Her own voice still sounded foreign to her. Perhaps she would have to remember that sound too.

Cassandra opened her mouth and then closed it. Her expression was pinched and Elera could see the debate happening across the other woman's face.

"Tell her, Cassandra." Cullen spoke up from near the door. He had been hauling flowers and balloons down to his car. At least, that's what he'd said.

Cassandra huffed out a frustrated sigh. "You didn't mean it." She assured Elera. "They were frightened and anxious and…" The woman with the hazel eyes looked down at the scuffed tile floor and then back up again. "…and I should stop making excuses for them. They were not happy about you being here. They downright refused you at first, but I insisted."

" _We_ insisted." Cullen chimed in.

Cassandra shot him a glance, but her face softened. "Yes, we did." Elera got the impression that _insisted_ might have implied a little more than strong words. The thought made the edges of her lips twitch into an almost smile.

"Why did they refuse me?" Elera asked, suddenly more confused than before. "Because I'm a mage?"

Cassandra's brow furrowed and then those perfectly manicured arches rose in realization. "Uh…you…you don't remember? You don't know?" Her voice had softened and Elera did not like the pity she heard in it now. Cullen stepped closer to her bedside and when he spoke, his voice was nice and even.

"You were admitted to a human hospital. The best."

"Okay?" Elera was still confused.

Cassandra and Cullen both exchanged a worried glance between them. "You're an elf." Cassandra blurted. Elera thought about that confession for a moment, but found that it held no concern for her. She was an elf. Of course she was an elf. She liked being an elf. She was proud to be an elf. A word floated up to the front of her mind and was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

"Dalish." The word resonated through her. It made her feel stronger, proud and free.

 _We are the Dalish: keepers of the lost lore, walkers of the lonely path. We are the last of the_ _Elvhenan_ _, and never again shall we submit._

The ancient and sacred oath swam into her thoughts and she wrapped it around her, holding to it tightly. This was who she was. A Dalish elf mage. It felt good.

"Yes!" Cassandra seemed thrilled. "You are Dalish." She looked to Cullen and a kind of child-like excitement shimmered in her eyes. "She's remembering!"

Elera smiled. Remembering was good. "Just bits and pieces. Little things. I still couldn't tell you where I live or my last name."

 _Lavellan_.

The word glinted in the darkness of her mind almost the instant Cassandra mouthed it. "Lavellan. You are part of clan Lavellan." Yes, she was. That felt right. Elera smiled and nodded. It felt good to have at least some small piece of herself back.

"But I still don't understand. Why am wearing the bands again?" She asked, holding up the clinking bangles. "They don't nullify being an elf. What did I do?" Elera watched as the glee burned out of Cassandra's eyes and the human woman sighed.

"When they brought you in and began attaching the machines to you…you…"

"Your magic reacted." Cullen interjected. "Poorly."

"It caused a power surge that took out half the block's electricity."

Cullen looked sideways at Cassandra. "It also scorched the ceiling and inner walls of an operating room."

"Your body must have still been fighting back, even after you had gone unconscious." Cassandra said.

Elera closed her eyes, trying to picture what they were telling her. Hoping for some glimpse into the past. _Her_ past. But there was only darkness there. She couldn't remember. She couldn't remember how she'd gotten in the hospital to begin with, let alone what happened after.

"They had to use the charms so they could stabilize you long enough to operate." Cassandra continued. "Though, admittedly, once they were on, there was little we could do to convince the doctors to remove them." She sounded frustrated at that. Like she had somehow let Elera down on that front.

"Not that we didn't try. Cassandra even brought her own pair of cutters to take them off you, since they're standard issue for Seekers. The hospital threatened to have her removed from the premises." Cullen chuckled then. The sound was pleasant, familiar and made Elera smile. "Wish you could have seen it."

Cassandra frowned at him. "They also threatened to have her moved to an elven hospital, Cullen. That's the _only_ reason I didn't remove the damned things myself."

Cullen sobered. "Yes, and that."

Elera looked from one human to another. There was so much more she needed explained. So much she didn't understand. She hoped they were right, and that with time it would all begin to make sense. That she would remember who she was, who they were, and everything in between.

A throat cleared in the doorway. A tall, human man, with graying hair cropped too close stood with his arms crossed and a few papers in his hands. His lips were pulled tight in an unhappy line. Elera did not sense anything familiar from him other than the disgusted look he was shooting her way. She was familiar with that look. Like she'd seen it a thousand times on a thousand other faces.

 _Shems!_

"Here are the discharge papers. Physically she's made a full recovery." He grumbled, handing the papers over to Cullen.

The blond man glanced them over while Cassandra asked the obvious question, "What about her memories? Clearly she is not fully recovered if she can barely remember who she is."

The doctor gave a slight shrug of one shoulder. "That is not a hurt we can heal here, Miss Pentaghast." He sneered. "My job is done. I think this hospital has been more than generous. Perhaps your _slant-eared friend_ could acquire the assistance of a therapist specializing in these sorts of things?"

Elera heard the slur but Cassandra was the one who reacted to it. She had crossed the room in a matter of seconds and only Cullen's physical size standing as a barrier between her and the doctor kept the physician from whatever harm she had planned.

"Cassandra, don't." Cullen warned. "He isn't worth it."

"She is a mage isn't she? Perhaps a _dreamer_ would be more suited to her needs?" The cruel doctor went on and Cassandra lunged forward. Cullen caught her at the shoulders, the discharge papers crunching against her cropped, black leather jacket.

"Cassandra." Elera called out, slipping off the stark white of the hospital bed to stand. She'd dressed in loose fitting sweats and sneakers and found them awkward around her lithe form, as if she weren't used to wearing them. "Take me home." She asked, attempting to diffuse her friend's ire. She watched as the other woman relaxed, but her fury was still there in those pale hazel eyes.

"Yes." Cassandra agreed. "Let's get you home."


	3. Home

Home was a long drive away. Elera spent the majority of the ride staring out the window of Cullen's car. Snow was falling and the farther they drove, the heavier it began to come down. She wondered how she remembered snow. How she accepted cars and buildings and the sky and yet everything else, everyone else, was a stranger to her.

It should have looked like the afternoon. The sun should have been shining, but the clouds above them blanketed the sky in an endless sea of gray. She felt the weight of it hanging above her, as if the world itself were sad. Perhaps it was.

She rubbed her wrist where the band of three rings had held back her magic. The instant Cassandra had cut them away from her she felt the air shift around her, as if she were regaining her balance. Cassandra and Cullen seemed to feel it too. The look they exchanged wasn't lost on Elera, though she tried not to think much of it. After all, they were her friends, right?

Elera studied her hand, specifically the center of her palm. It looked like what it was; a hand. Still, she couldn't shake the sensation that something else had belonged there. Even her arm, from nearly the elbow down, felt strange. The elf shook off the odd sensation and blamed it on the nullifying bangles, though, something deep down told her it was more than that.

They passed a sign that read "Welcome to Haven: A Safe Place". It was covered in graffiti. One in particular was the word "Demon" written in front of the town's namesake. _Demon Haven_.

"Ugh, they got to the sign again." Cassandra grumbled.

"It's just a sign Cassandra." Cullen assured her, not taking his eyes from the snowy road.

"Do people not like this place?" Elera asked from the back seat. Cassandra turned a little sideways in her seat to look at the elf behind her. The human woman seemed a little exasperated, but Elera was beginning to realize that it might have been a normal look for Cassandra.

"You have done a lot of good for Haven. You have shown many that mages are more than demons, and elves are no different from any other race. Haven accepts you for who you are and that frightens others." Elera detected a hint of pride in the human's voice and it brought a slight smile to her lips. "Soon it won't matter. A new reform is going to make their prejudice and violence illegal. That hospital won't be able to turn elves away anymore. A lot of places are already adopting the reforms, but progress is always slow."

"What about mages?" Elera probed and she watched as Cassandra slid back into her seat, facing the road once more.

"That…" Casandra hesitated. "…may take a little more time." She finished solemnly.

Elera decided to let it be, for now. It felt like a long conversation and she just wanted to take things slow. There was so much she didn't remember. The intricate workings of a biased society seemed like a conversation for another day. She resigned to stare out the window as the town came into view. It was of a modest size it seemed, but there was something quaint about it. The road they were on appeared to go through the entire town. Smaller streets intersected it and old, cordial buildings lined it. Traffic was sparse and pedestrians were plentiful. Elera saw several couples and families walking down sidewalks and in and out of shops and eateries. What was most pleasing is that the couples came in all shapes and sizes, right down to their ears. She liked this place. This was a good place.

"And here we are. Home sweet home." Cullen announced as they pulled into lot behind a large brick building. It looked too large to be a single house, but Elera couldn't really be sure. Perhaps her home was really grand…and square, with a flat roof?

"I live _here_?" She asked, her face pressed against the glass as she stared up at the building.

" _We_ live here." Cassandra corrected and opened her door. Elera felt her eyebrows knitting together and she worked the handle of the door and let herself out. The cold air hit her immediately but the brisk sting of wind and snow was refreshing rather than unwanted.

"We live _together_?" Elera asked as she fell into stride next to the other woman. Cassandra had a vase full of flowers and several balloons bunched in her arms. She looked beside her at the shorter elven woman and shrugged.

"Yes? Is that a problem?" Cassandra's voice sounded more defensive than she'd meant it to and Elera chuckled.

"No, I just didn't remember is all."

Cassandra's breath blew out in a cloud of white. She sighed and scrunched her face up in apology. "I am an idiot. Of course you wouldn't remember that." The taller, human woman took in a steadying breath as she shifted the balloons and flowers into one hand to fish her keys out with the other. "Yes, well, we are roommates. We live in a studio on the top floor. The roof is ours as well. There is a garden in the warmer months. It's nice." She flipped the keys over in her hand before she found the one she was looking for.

"Just roommates then?" Elera inquired.

Cassandra dropped the keys. They clinked loudly on the slick stoop. Her pale, hazel eyes were fixed on the elf. Something between shock and confusion shifting her expression. "Um…uh…what else would we be?" She stammered awkwardly.

Elera smiled. "Lovers?"

Cassandra managed a sound in the back of her throat similar to choking. "What? No, we…we're just friends. Yes, we live together, but, as friends." She stressed the last word and Elera nodded, still smiling at the human's clear discomfort.

"Sorry, just making sure. I need to know these sorts of things, you know?"

"Oh, yes, of course you do." Cassandra agreed, her sun-kissed skin flushing crimson. She picked up the forgotten keys and slid the correct one into the lock.

"I mean, was I involved with anyone?" Elera pressed, remembering that rich timber she'd heard somewhere between dreaming and consciousness. "Cullen?"

Cassandra glanced over at her as the door swung open. Warm air hit her and made her suddenly aware that her fingers had gone numb. "Cullen? Oh, no. No, not Cullen. At least, not that I'm aware of."

"What are you two stills standing there for? Do you want to freeze to death?" Cullen growled from several feet behind them. He was shuffling an oversized box in his arms, trying to watch where he walked as he carried its girth. It held the rest of the cards, flowers, stuffed animals and balloons that had been in the Dalish elf's hospital room. How long had she been in that coma, she wondered. Who had sent all these gifts and well wishes? Another question to add to the endless list.

They walked up three flights of stairs with Cullen grumbling the entire way before Cassandra stopped in front of a modest looking door. She opened it with a key from the same ring as before and pushed it inward. Elera followed her inside with Cullen bringing up the rear, turning sideways to make it in with the box still in his arms.

Elera stopped a few feet inside the threshold and stared. The ceilings were high and vaulted with wide wooden beams. The old, red brick made up some of the walls and more of the heavy wooden beams served as supports between rooms. The floors were wooden, deep and rich. The space was open and airy with half-walls and large, arching windows. Elera could hear the soft humming of a heater pumping air into the room but it couldn't seem to get the chill completely out of the space.

Cassandra set the vase down on a nearby end table and Cullen just settled the large box down on the floor somewhere out of the way. They were both eerily quiet. They were staring at the elf while trying not to look like they were staring and Elera kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Was she supposed to have a sudden revelation? Was the sight of her home supposed to fill her with a flood of sweet memories that would jolt her back to herself? She felt bad to have to disappoint them.

"I'm sorry guys. Nothing's happening." She told them before either could ask if she remembered anything. "Though, it does seem lovely." She moved further into the apartment, marveling at the space that was supposedly hers. Cassandra and Cullen slipped out of their coats somewhere behind her but otherwise, let her roam on her own.

There was a small, almost sad little tree standing in a corner. It was nestled near the main wall of windows in what Elera assumed was a living room. It was slumping slightly to one side and one of its few branches looked almost bald. There were tiny ornaments hanging from it and strings of garland that looked to be made of vines and yarn. Dangling from the garland was the occasional bead of colorful glass. The ornaments, too, looked to be handmade. There were small shields made of thin sheets of copper and little halla carved from wood with intricate swirls and symbols etched into their hides.

"I am not very good at…decorations. I waited too long to get the tree and this was the only one I could find. It leans. I know. If you had been here, you would have complained. You always say we should not take half measures." Cassandra crossed her arms as she came to stand just behind the elf.

"What's it for?" Elera asked softly, her fingers touching one of the little glass baubles on the garland strands.

Cassandra made a sound in her throat. "Ah…Satinalia? Um, it is a holiday of sorts." The human lowered her arms and rubbed her hands together once. "It was not something _you_ celebrated, being Dalish…but, you always liked the decorations." Cassandra moved toward the tree, reaching out to remove one of the tiny metal shields. There was filigree raked into the copper and it shimmered in the light. " _You_ made most of these. Thom helped with some of the wooden things, but most were your design." Cassandra hung the little ornament back onto its branch and looked at the elf. "You don't remember _any_ of them?"

Elera stared at the intricate little adornments and shook her head. None of it helped. "I'm sorry, no."

The other woman let out a long sigh, clearly hoping for a different answer.

"It's alright." Cullen said from close by. "It'll take some time, but you'll get there."

"Yes, you will." Cassandra agreed. "Perhaps you'll find something familiar in your room?" She offered and skirted around the worn furniture and down an almost hallway.

Elera followed her deeper into the apartment and rounded a corner into what was supposedly her room. The elf froze in the doorway and held her breath. For a moment she simply took it all in. The full sized canopy bed, gauzy fabric in shades of lavender, plum and eggplant wrapped in a beautiful spiral around the thick wooden posts. The quilt lying across the bed looked handmade and soft with age. There was a six foot polearm held up with hooks on the opposite wall. One end held a wicked blade with a cluster of colorful feathers and tiny gems dangling from its base while the other housed a shimmering crystal that sparkled in the light. The wood of the staff had intricate symbols carved into the body and Elera could see that it had been worn almost smooth in some spots. There was a kind of music humming around the weapon and the elf felt as if she'd written the song herself.

She moved deeper into the room, slowly, letting the space soak into her. These were her things. She could almost _feel_ that, but even though she felt the connection to them, she couldn't place when she'd placed them here. She didn't know when she'd made the little blown glass tree sitting on a night stand or when any of the pictures pinned to a cork board had been taken. Elera stood in front of the large cork board for the longest time. There were pictures, ticket stubs, playbills, announcements, reminders, doodles and even dried flowers pinned to the board. Her fingers traced the faces in the pictures. Another elf with messy, uneven blond hair, her tongue out and her middle finger up. A dapper looking human with an impeccably well-groomed mustache hugging another elf with deep purple tattooing along her face. The elf looked incredibly happy. She appeared in several of the photographs. One with an impossibly large, horned man holding steins up in salute. Another with a tall human boy with pale blond hair that nearly hid his eyes and a dwarf whose smile made her want to smile back. She touched each of their faces and felt something stir inside her for every one of them. Cassandra and Cullen were in some, as well as several other humans she _almost_ recognized. These were her friends. They had to be.

"Who is this?" She asked Cassandra, pointing to the elf with the purple tattoos.

"Truly?" Cassandra asked and the tone of her voice made Elera's eyebrows knit together. The human crossed the room and opened a closet door where a full-length mirror hung on the back of it. Elera took a few slow, hesitant steps toward it until her body came into view. A small gasp echoed into the room and she realized it had come from her. The sweats looked too large and awkward on her small frame, but there was no mistaking the reflection in the mirror.

"It's _you_." Cassandra offered softly.

Elera came closer to the mirror to study the person staring back at her. Her fingers came up to her trace the deep purple lines drawn onto her face. One of the lines bisected her full bottom lip and went down her chin to branch out across her throat. She blinked eyes that were their own strange mix of blue and violet. Her skin seemed too pale against the stark contrast of the tattoos and her dark, almost black hair. Only the sunlight showed that her hair was actually an extremely deep shade of auburn. Elera touched her face as if she'd never seen it before or perhaps it had been a really long time.

"The markings…" She said absently, her vision suddenly blurring with a memory of bright blue light cascading over her face as warm, electric energy stripped the vallaslin from her skin.

 _"Ar lasa mala revas."_

"Are you alright?" Cassandra's voice cut though the memory of that familiar timber and Elera blinked open her eyes, not even realizing she'd closed them. "Did you remember something?"

"I didn't have these. They were gone. The _vallaslin_ , he took it away." She babbled, her fingers touching her temples as a sudden headache threatened her.

" _He_? Who? Elera, what are you talking about?" Cassandra probed. The elf stared at her and shook her head. Who was he? What was she talking about? She didn't know. She couldn't remember. None of it made sense.

"Hopefully me." A voice purred from just outside the door. Elera and Cassandra spun toward the same sound and Elera recognized the man from one of the photos. His face melted into a sweet smile as she looked at him. "Hello Snowflake." He began stepping into the room. His hair was perfect, his clothes were stylish and he smelled expensive. "You can't have forgotten me."


	4. Dorian

"What did they do to you?" His name was Dorian and he was, according to him, her best friend. His long, tanned fingers brushed absently over her hair where it had been shaved close to the skin at her temple. "The least they could have done was make it appear like it was intentional. This looks like they gave the razor to a toddler and said 'here, you want to have a go with it?' I'm surprised they had anyone competent enough there to save your life." She'd recognized him from the pictures on her cork board and yet, she felt like it would have been hard not to hold onto some memory of him.

They were sitting cross-legged on top of her mattress. The scent of his expensive cologne stirring hazy memories from some dark place in her mind. His name had been the hardest. Names seemed to be what escaped her most, but she knew this man. A kind of delight had filled her at the sound of his voice and his very presence seemed to set her at ease.

"So, you nearly die saving who knows how many poor sods and your consolation prize is not even remembering who your best friend is? Ridiculous." He huffed, folding his hands back into his lap.

"I'm not even sure what happened. I can't remember." Elera admitted.

"Perhaps the better question is 'what _do_ you remember?'" He asked, his voice softening.

"Honestly? Not much. I couldn't even remember what I looked like up until a few minutes ago." Elera touched her face absently, the memory of that warm, blue light still lingering on her skin. "Did I always have these?" She asked Dorian suddenly. If he was her best friend, surely he would know.

"Your _vallaslin_?" He pronounced the elven word like a trained thespian. "If you're asking if you were born with them or had them since you were an infant, then no. You acquired them sometime after puberty, I believe. You had plans to have more added to your hands and arms before the accident."

Elera stared at her hands and then glanced back at the full length mirror. She tried to imagine those deep purple lines cascading down her shoulders and to her fingertips. In a world that seemed eager to hate her for being different, why would she have wanted to do that?

"You always seemed proud of the marks, El. You said they were part of who you were." Dorian reached out and flicked the line that bisected her lip with his index finger. "Well, it's settled then. I'm staying over. I think this whole thing calls for an emergency slumber party."

Elera felt herself smiling. Even if she hadn't remembered him completely, there was an unmistakable familiarity. Like he was more than just a friend. He was family and that was a bond that couldn't easily be broken.

"Oooh, I know. We'll take you out tonight. Get you reacquainted with your former life. As much as I'd like to think the sheer proximity of my presence would be enough, it would do you good to see as many people and familiar things as possible."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Cassandra's concern wafted in from just outside the bedroom door. She was standing with her arms crossed again, an exasperated look blanketing her stern face.

Dorian spun at the waist to look at her. "You think keeping her locked away in her room will somehow jog her memories? By all means, chain her to the bed. Have Cullen keep watch. No wait…I'm talking about something else entirely, aren't I?" Dorian snickered and Elera couldn't stop the little snort of laughter that came out of her mouth.

Cassandra made a sound that was somewhere between disgusted and irritated. The sound was incredibly familiar to Elera. "She only just came back to us, Dorian."

"Precisely! She's been asleep for the better part of a year, Cassandra. The woman needs some fresh air." Dorian dismissed her protests with a flick of his wrist. He turned his attentions back on the elf in front of him and his expression sobered.

"Unless you don't feel up to it, El. It's completely your choice."

Elera considered his proposal. Cassandra was correct in that she had only just woken up, and to a world she scarcely remembered at that. Still, with each new exposure to something from her life she got a tiny sliver of herself back.

She nodded. "I want to go out."

"Of course you do." Dorian flashed Cassandra a 'told you so' look before drawing Elera's hands into his own and leading her off the bed. "We'll have to do something about your hair…but first, coffee! C'mon, you can wear a hat."


	5. Awkward

"Why Snowflake?"

"Beg pardon?"

"You called me _Snowflake_ earlier. Why?" Elera glanced up at the taller, human man standing next to her. The coffee shop was just across the street and they were at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change.

Dorian smiled down at her. "Because no one will ever be exactly like you, El." He said it with such adoration, Elera knew there was a larger story behind the nickname, but the light changed and the crosswalk signaled that they had twenty seconds to get across the street.

She had changed clothes, mostly at Dorian's behest. The jeans fit over the swell of her hips and down her slender legs like a second skin. They disappeared into a pair of riding boots with a low heal and enough buckles to be considered criminal. The sweater was warm and soft. The woven fabric clung to her narrow waist and peeked out from the quilted coat to stop at the tops of her thighs. She had a scarf looped around her neck and a knit beanie pulled over her hair to hide the awkward cut. The hat was certainly one of her own as she'd found little holes already cut into it to better suit her long ears. The very tips peeked out from the head cover like a little secret.

Dorian took her hand and led her across the street to the scent of coffee and the soft murmur of conversation. She felt her stomach turn into a knot as they approached the little shop and she couldn't explain why. What was she expecting to happen here? It was just a harmless café. They served coffee and hot chocolate and had free Wi-Fi according to their sign.

The bell above the door jingled when they opened it and stepped inside. A few patrons looked up from their coffee and computers and Elera held her breath, waiting for the blow that never came. Instead, the young man behind the counter welcomed them as he poured a steaming carafe of milk into a cup. "I'll be right with you folks." He said cheerfully and went back to making whatever intricate brew he was conjuring.

Dorian took a deep breath in and let it out with a smile. "Mmmm, I do love this little place." He murmured and drew Elera further inside. The smell of coffee was almost cloying but Elera found it to be a pleasant scent. It curled into her senses and spread a kind of calm through her. She wondered if she'd come to this place often before the coma or if this was a new reaction to coffee. If it tasted half as good as it smelled, the elf felt as if she might never leave.

Elera let Dorian lead her toward the counter, weaving through the small circle of sofas and tables scattered throughout the shop. She had to let go of his hand as they maneuvered around a large wooden support beam in the middle of the store and as she did, her shoulder collided against something stiff, but not unmoving.

"Oh, my apologies." A cultured voice said quickly. Elera struggled to regain her bearings. She straightened the beanie that had slipped into her eyes in the collision. There were hands on her shoulders, steadying her, and she felt a little zing of electricity force every hair on her skin to stand on end. There was a man holding her upright. No, not a man, an elf. His pointed ears were on full display and the winter clothing he wore couldn't hide the lean physique beneath it. Elera felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. She stared like a fool at the creature bracing her. He was all high cheekbones and steel eyes. His jaw was strong and his mouth…Elera licked her lips. She could see the faint dusting of freckles over the bridge of his nose and she wanted to trace them across his cheeks with her fingertips. The urge was so strong she had to ball her hands into fists at her sides.

"Are you alright?" That voice again. The soft cadence sang through her body like magic and suddenly she blurted a single word.

" _Solas_."

His dark brows rose in question and his hands slipped away from her. "Have we been introduced?" He asked and Elera felt a knot twisting painfully in her stomach. What was happening here?

She shook her head. "No, I don't think so. That is…I'm not really sure. I wouldn't even remember if we had." She sighed, her eyes falling to the floor, ashamed to still be making eye contact with the god of a man standing in front of her. "It sounds crazy when I say it out loud, but I woke up from a coma this morning and now I can't remember much of anything." Why was she still talking? Clearly she'd forgotten speech etiquette as well as how to walk or she wouldn't have been in this situation, wishing for a meteor to fall on her head.

He made a warm sound deep in his throat. "Well, you seem to know my name, at least. Perhaps a proper introduction is in order?"

"Hm?" She looked up quickly and felt her mouth go dry. His face was striking enough but his hair was a thing unto itself. She wanted to reach up and touch the soft, shaved fuzz on either side of his head nearly as much as she wanted to caress his freckles. His dark locks seemed long and wild, but he'd managed to tame them with a knot at the back. Elera thought she saw braids or dreadlocks woven into the dark mass, but she couldn't be certain without running her fingers through it, and at that moment, she couldn't think of anything she wanted to do more.

Solas cleared his throat and she blinked twice. "Oh! Me?" She laughed awkwardly. "Elera. I'm Elera."

"Elera." He rolled her name over in his mouth and she stifled a shudder at the sound. "You are Dalish, are you not?" He murmured. "I'm curious if your name was chosen for a reason."

Elera swallowed hard. "Uh, I don't…I have no idea. I mean, yes I'm Dalish. I just…I don't know my name. What my name means, I mean. I probably did, but don't remember." Ugh, why was she so awkward all of a sudden? She'd lost her memories, not her ability to form cognitive sentences! She hadn't had this much trouble speaking to Cassandra or Cullen or even Dorian.

He smiled and Elera thought her heart might stop. "If I'm not mistaken, it would mean something like _our dream_. Though I suppose it could also be _our story_. Elvish dialects have grown a bit muddy over the centuries." Elera felt something warm spreading out from her middle like a hand. It was a pleasant sensation but it tightened all the muscles in her body until she felt like she might start shaking and never stop. "It is an interesting name, never the less." He added.

Elera felt like she needed to sit down, but didn't want to move. She stared at the elf, Solas, in front of her, whose name she knew but had no idea why. He was mysterious and magnetic and probably a thousand other words that began with the letter M in every language imaginable. His face was bare and she wasn't sure what that meant but she wanted to know. She wanted to know everything about him, more perhaps, than she wanted to know about herself right then.

"And your name means _pride_." She quipped, covering her mouth almost as fast as the sentence had escaped it. She glanced up at him with wide startled eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure where that came from."

Again, she'd earned his smile and she felt her legs go numb. "No, no. You are correct. Perhaps you remember more than you think."

Elera shook her head and drew her hands away from her mouth. "I doubt that. Most things just sort of come into my head and out of my mouth, unfortunately." She frowned, but Solas held onto that magnanimous smile that was little more than a curl of his luscious mouth.

"You might be surprised at what the mind can cling onto. Your memories may surprise you, Elera." He intoned and Elera shifted on her feet. She noticed Solas didn't slouch. He didn't shift his weight from foot to foot. He seemed content to stand precisely where he was until he'd decided otherwise.

"Hey, a friend of mine is taking me to a club or bar or something tonight." She blurted suddenly. _Why did I just say that to him?_ She inwardly scolded. _He probably wouldn't step foot into a place like that._ "And I have no idea why I just told you that." She was laughing awkwardly again and wishing for death by falling object.

"How very kind of your friend."

"Uh, yeah…maybe you'd like to come?" Elera shifted her gaze, unable to meet his sharp eyes as she fumbled her way through common tongue. Even to her it sounded incredibly lame and she knew she'd just blown any opportunity to look like anything even remotely appealing to him.

"Thank you for the invitation." He answered cordially, but it wasn't an answer. "It was a pleasure to run into you, Elera." She snorted at his easy joke but sobered quickly when she saw his extended hand. His hands were made for playing instruments or casting intricate glyphs or painting or touching…Elera felt her breath catch and she tried to swallow the lump choking her. She matched his hand with her opposite and braced it for the awkward shake to come.

His skin was warm where she felt it over her exposed fingertips. Dorian had insisted she wear gloves but now she was glad she'd refused. She felt faint callouses over the pads of his palm and fingers like he'd gripped something too roughly for too long. A staff or bow perhaps? His fingers curled around her hand and suddenly she saw a blinding green light fill her vision. Someone was holding her arm up to the light and she felt her palm burning as energy shifted around them. She was left blinking and breathless as Solas slipped past her and out of the café. The moment had passed. He was gone.

"I'm not sure if that was incredibly painful to watch or just adorable." Dorian's eloquent voice broke her from her trance. He was standing just behind her motioning at a nearby sofa that was empty, a steaming beverage in each hand. She followed him, still staring at the door where Solas had made his exit.

"I knew his name." She murmured absently as she sat into the cushions and Dorian handed her a coffee.

The human man brought his own steaming cup to his lips and smiled at her over it. "I heard." He took a sip and made a pleased sound. "I also heard you rambling on like an escapee from an asylum."

Elera sighed. She had sounded like a crazy person or at the very least an incredibly awkward one. "I invited him to come out tonight…but I don't even know where we're going really." She was shaking her head. That would be the last time she'd be seeing Solas.

"Oh, Snowflake, this is Haven. There's really only _one_ place we could be going. If he has half a mind he'll know how to find you." He took another sip from his cup. "And after those _come fuck me_ eyes you were giving him, he'd be a fool not to."

Elera twisted in her seat to look at him fully. "I did not give him _come fuck me_ eyes!" She protested.

Dorian chuckled. "You may not remember all of your tricks, El, but I do. Those were most definitely your _fuck me_ eyes."

Elera felt her face flame and she tightened her mouth to try and keep from smiling, but failed miserably. "Was I always this awkward?" She groaned.

"Hm, difficult to say." He teased and Elera elbowed him. Dorian shifted easily in the couch to avoid spilling his coffee and grinned. "One thing is certain though."

"What's that?" Elera asked as she brought the first sip of her drink to her lips.

"We are definitely fixing your hair before tonight."


	6. New Old Friends

"If you don't stop touching your hair, I'm going to take you over my knee right here in front of everyone." Dorian hissed. They were sitting in his car just outside of what appeared to be a warehouse. If said warehouse had music thundering from inside it, lights blinking behind high windows and a line that wrapped completely around it.

"Sorry." Elera winced. She couldn't seem to stop fidgeting with the newly shaved side of her head. Dorian had done an amazing job in evening out what the doctors had started, weaving an intricate braid into the part and managing to get all the rest of her hair to flip over to the opposite side. One side of her head bared her pointed ear like a dare while the other side was hidden by a cascading ribbon of long, dark hair. She kept touching the prickly fuzz and wondering if Solas' hair felt similar where it was shaved down. _Solas_. She hadn't been able to get him out of her thoughts all day and she would have been lying to herself if she wasn't at least a little hopeful that she might see him again.

"Are you ready to go inside?" Dorian asked, checking his appearance one more time in his visor mirror.

"Hm?" Elera asked, clearing the fog of her trance. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

Dorian flashed her a sideways look. "You have friends inside there, El. People who love you almost as much as I do." He assured her and the elf smiled warmly.

"Okay, let's go."

They walked across the gravel lot and toward the thundering building along with several other scattered couples and groups. Elera counted several elves among them and reminded herself that nothing bad would happen to her here. She wasn't sure why she was even worried, but the closer she drew to the warehouse, the more her stomach tightened into a knot.

"Where are you going?" Dorian asked, pulling Elera away from the growing line and toward the doors.

"Isn't that the line?" She asked, pointing to what she assumed was the back of the line.

Dorian rolled his eyes. "Of course it is, but why would you even think about standing in it?" Elera shrugged, confused. Dorian sighed. "Come on Forgetful Fanny, this way." He tugged on her arm and brought her right up to the opened double doors. There was a great beast of a man standing in front of them. Occasionally he would let a few more inside whenever one or two would leave, but mostly he stood with his arms crossed over his massive chest, black shirt straining over so much muscle and bulk. Elera recognized him from one of the photos in her room. She had been drinking overly large beers with him and she'd looked somewhere between delighted and nauseous in the picture. His eyepatch glinted slightly in the floodlights and when he caught sight of them with his good eye, he inclined his horns in their direction and let out a great roar of sound.

"Boss!" He exclaimed, opening his giant arms wide as she and Dorian approached. Before she could react, the large, bull of a man lifted her lithe body off the ground in a hug she thought might crush her. "Shit, it's good to see you!" He rumbled and Elera could only smile in response as she fought to breathe. He settled her down and she took a deep breath, knowing that her ribs were probably going to be sore the next day.

"Don't be offended if she doesn't remember you, Bull." Dorian cautioned. "She probably doesn't even know _what_ you are."

"Qunari." Elera quipped and Dorian gave her a look while Bull just grinned. "What? I discovered the internet while you were doing my hair." She shrugged. Dorian seemed to accept that as answer enough.

"I was wondering what you were doing with that tablet." He murmured and sighed.

"Cullen texted when you woke up. Said it might be a while before you were back to your old self." The large qunari said solemnly. "S'ok Boss. We've all got your back." That brought a warm smile to Elera's face. Even if she didn't remember them, she felt incredibly lucky suddenly to have such wonderful people calling her _friend._

"Thank you, Bull."

"No problem, Boss. Now get your tiny ass inside have a drink. I know Sera and Thom are at the bar waiting to see you. I'll be there as soon as Krem gets back from break." He stepped aside to let them pass and gestured to the open doors. Elera found herself out in front with Dorian falling into step behind her. There was a sharp slap of sound as Dorian passed the qunari and Elera spun just as Dorian yipped a little sound of outrage and grabbed his backside. Bull was winking at the human with his good eye and Dorian was flushing a lovely shade of crimson. Elera couldn't keep the laughter from erupting from her mouth and Dorian flashed her a look that was deadly.

"Oh, get inside already!" He spat and shooed her along.

The music was near deafening inside the doors and the heat in the room was almost tangible. Elera slipped out of her coat almost immediately, grateful now that she had listened to Dorian and had worn something revealing underneath it. She'd kept the tight jeans and boots against protests for her to wear shoes with a heel. It hadn't been too difficult to convince Dorian. She simply reminded him that she'd only gotten out of the hospital that morning. Though she'd replaced her sweater with a shirt that stopped just past her rib cage, showing the smooth, toned expanse of her abdomen. The neckline was high but there was a small keyhole cut out just over her cleavage that was about all the extra reveal she needed.

Elera resisted the urge to try and pull the shirt down and was glad when Dorian took her by the hand to lead her through the throng of people. He seemed to know exactly where they were going and only stopped once they had reached a long counter with a tall, bearded fellow pouring drinks behind it.

"Elly beans!" A voice shouted over the music. Elera had only a split second to react as a slender, blond elf leapt, quite literally, into her arms. Elera shifted her weight in a move that was more instinctual than anything and braced the other elf's thighs just as she wrapped her legs around her. "There's you!"

"Hello." Elera huffed. The other girl's face was bare, no vallaslin. She wasn't Dalish but Elera recognized her as someone she should have known. The blond elf's hands were on either side of her face suddenly. Large, blue eyes peering into her own.

"Hmmm, but you don't know you, do you?" She asked, scrunching up her face.

"Uh…"

"Sera, could you perhaps, for one evening, or even an hour, be a little less… _you_?" Dorian groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face. Sera made an ugly noise toward him and slid out of Elera's arms.

"Aww, give her a break, eh? Sera's as glad to see her as any of us, Dorian." A gruff voice called from the other side of the bar. Elera turned her attention to the burly gentleman pouring a dark liquid into four very tiny glasses. He looked up and smiled and a name rose to the front of Elera's thoughts.

"Blackwall?" She murmured absently and she saw his smile falter just a little.

"Blackwall? Shit, no one's called me that since I was in the service," He held out one of the tiny glasses toward her. "It's just Thom now, but I'll take it coming from you."

Elera took the tiny glass from him and sniffed the contents. It burned like gasoline in her nose and made her eyes tear up. She coughed once and held the drink away from her face. Thom laughed. It was a deep, throaty sound. The way she might have imagined a bear would laugh if it could.

"That first one there is from our big qunari friend." Thom said passing out the other three classes. One for both Dorian and Sera and the fourth for himself. He held them up and signaled for a toast. "We're glad to have you back girl." He nodded and Elera braced herself for the drink before turning it back along with everyone else. It burned like napalm all the way down and sent all four into a coughing fit.

"Ugh, couldn't you have just told him we drank it and let that be the end of it?" Dorian whined, his eyes watering. Sera and Thom laughed through their coughs. Elera swallowed convulsively, trying to rid her throat of the searing liquid that still lingered there. The warmth spread through her body until it nestled in her belly and she blew out a little breath, feeling the heat on her tongue.

"What was that?" She asked as Thom began mixing something that had more of blue hue to it in a much larger glass.

"Dragon's fire." He answered, clearing his throat. "Bull calls is Maraas-Lok, but I like my name for it better." He stuck some sort of plant into the drink he was mixing to complete it. The stem of which had a faint blue shimmer to it and the single leaf that stuck out of the glass was tinged the same shade of blue at its tips. He slid the glass to Elera and she looked at it with distrust.

"And that?"

"Your favorite." He rumbled.

Elera lifted a single brow. "Does this one have a name too?"

Thom smiled just enough to shift his beard. "Elven Magic." Sera snorted and spun around on one of the bar stools.

"Speaking of elven magic, El, look!" Dorian grabbed her arm and spun the Dalish elf around. Her eyes tried to follow his line of sight but it didn't take long for her to spot exactly what Dorian had seen. Or more precisely, _who._

"Thom, can I get another one of those?" She asked, scooping up the blue drink.

"Sure" He mixed the second one with speed and precision and scooted it across the bar. She grabbed it into her free hand and looked at Dorian. He was already grinning wickedly.

"Go on, Snowflake. Give him some of that old _elven magic_."

Elera blushed, Sera groaned and Thom laughed that bear's roar of sound.


	7. Elven Magic

Solas looked as out of place in the flashing lights and press of bodies as Elera felt. Still, felt as if she could have picked him out of the crowded room blindfolded. There was a certain magnetism to the bare-faced elf that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She felt it right in the very center of her body, like the knotted end of a thread that he was twisting around and around his little finger. It drew her to him and the closer she got, the tighter the knot became.

She would have been lying to herself if she'd said she hadn't been hoping to see him again. Even if she'd made a colossal fool of herself in the café. Even if she didn't know the slightest thing about him aside from his name and that he seemed into lost elven language. She'd felt something when he'd clasped her shoulders. She'd felt it even more when their hands had touched. He stirred something inside of her and she wanted to find out what it meant. It made her bolder than she'd felt all day. More sure of herself. Even as her insides quivered with the mad, beating wings of butterflies.

"Solas!" She called out to him over the music. His eyes shifted to her almost immediately and she was thankful she didn't have to keep shouting like some sort of crazy person. To her complete and utter delight, he started toward her, meeting her halfway between the bar and the dance floor. Someone brushed shoulders with him in the tight mash of moving bodies and he glanced at his shoulder as if there was something terrible on it now. Elera licked her lips, fighting for enough breath to speak again. "This is for you." She blurted while shoving one of the blue drinks into his hands. He stared down at the glass with its little plant jutting out from the top.

"Royal elfroot? Interesting." He murmured, one dark eyebrow raising. Elera felt panic rising into her chest. What was she doing again? She'd seen him across the room. She'd grabbed the second drink and waltzed over like she knew what came next but now…now she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do.

"I saw you and thought…" she opened her mouth and closed it. Those steely eyes shifted from the drink to her and she felt language leaving her. She started shaking her head, reaching up absently to touch the newly shaved side and then clenching her fist. "I stupidly thought you were here because I'd somehow asked you, but that is absurd." She huffed out a bitter laugh, realizing how ridiculous she must have looked to him. Here he was, all fitted jeans and top two buttons undone on his shirt and her immediate thought was that he'd showed up to find a girl he'd met just that day, who had been no less awkward then than she was now.

"I'm sorry. Enjoy the drink." She gave a little wave of her fingers and he reached out suddenly and took them. Something like electricity zinged across her skin and widened her eyes in disbelief. The touch had been so unexpected. Literally, the _last_ thing she expected and yet a familiar sensation began unfurling itself from somewhere buried deep.

Solas let go almost as fast as he'd touched her, but it had been more than enough to reclaim her attention. "You're not wrong. Though to be honest, I might have preferred a different setting for our second meeting." He admitted and Elera felt her heart seize inside her chest. That ghost of a smile was sliding across his mouth and his eyes darted toward the near empty tables and chairs in a dimly lit corner of the room. "Shall we sit?" He asked and Elera's head swiveled around to where his eyes had drifted. She nodded a little too quickly and let him lead the way to the cluster of chairs.

The music was quieter here and the Dalish elf could almost hear herself think. Though, her brain wasn't saying much of anything cognitive in that moment. She watched as Solas pulled out a chair and she mirrored his movements. They settled into their seats at nearly the same time and Solas placed his drink on the table. Elera took a quick sip from hers before doing the same. It tasted…odd. Sweet and earthy with just a little burn of alcohol at its end.

"I apologize for rushing out of the café earlier, but I had a prior engagement." Solas began. Elera noticed a strand of dark hair escaping his careful knot and she had the sudden urge to reach out and touch it.

She swallowed hard and shook her head. "Oh, no problem. I kind of expected that to be the last time I saw you." She admitted sheepishly, her fingers once again touching the shaved edge of her hair. She glanced up to see him watching her movements. She dropped the hand into her lap and took another sip from her glass. "I mean, it's not like we exchanged numbers or anything." She added quickly.

"Yes, I suppose that would have been simpler." Solas glanced down at his drink in debate and then looked back to the Dalish woman in front of him. "Have you remembered anything new since this afternoon?"

Elera stopped with her mouth around the straw of her drink. Her eyes rolled up at him and she felt heat creeping up her neck. He'd actually been listening to all the gibberish she'd been rambling on about in the coffee shop.

"Um, not exactly." She confessed, sitting up a little straighter. Her fingertips spinning the straw in its glass. "I met a few other people who were…er, _are_ friends. Other than calling one of them by a name he doesn't use anymore, no gleaming revelations." She knew it must have been trying for her friends to have to watch her looking at them with blank expressions because she had no idea what they were talking about half the time.

"I read a lot on the internet today though." She continued. "I hoped maybe it would spark something to catch up on events that happened around the time of my accident."

"And did it?"

Elera looked at him, biting her lower lip to keep from staring at his. She shook her head and he made a thoughtful noise in response.

"Are you seeing a therapist for your memory loss?" He prodded and Elera felt her face scrunch up a little. He was asking a lot of questions.

"Um, well, I did just wake up _today._ So, no, not really. I mean, I guess I will. The human doctor said I should, but he also said I should consider seeing a _dreamer_ , whatever that is. All I know is Cassandra tried to hit him for suggesting it. Twice." She took a long draw off the straw. Maybe this _was_ her favorite drink.

Solas snorted something that might have been confused for a chuckle. Though, he didn't seem the type who chuckled. "Perhaps you should."

"Should what?"

Solas folded his hands on top of the table and the movement was not lost on Elera. "Consult a _dreamer_. They may be able to help you access parts of your mind that you've blocked off. Not unlink a hypnotist, only you could be more active in the process." He explained, one long index finger sliding absently over the other. Elera remembered the touch of his hand against her own and the shock of memory that had flooded her seconds before he'd left.

"Based on Cassandra's reaction, I got the impression _dreamers_ were a bad thing." Her voice was skeptical, but not dismissive. She saw the barest hint of a smirk touch his lips and she felt her chest tighten.

"They can be. They have been, but like all things, there are always two sides." Finally, he took a short sip from his glass. His lips came away moist from the drink and Elera felt her mouth go dry. "I'd encourage you to draw your own conclusions."

Elera swallowed hard. She felt the question forming on the edge of her tongue and it was out of her mouth before she could stop herself. "Are _you_ a dreamer?"

Solas gave her a look that was something close to approval and she felt her insides melt. "Of a sort." He pushed the elfroot around in the glass and was quiet for a few heartbeats before he looked back up. "I would be willing to help you, if you'd like."

Elera choked a little on the last sip of her drink and tried to cover it with the back of her hand. Her eyes were watering and her throat was burning. She was wishing for that meteor strike again when she heard the screech of a chair sliding back and saw Solas stand. Her hands went out and she waved him off. "I'm okay." She assured him, her voice a little gurgled and hoarse. "Wrong way down." She coughed a few more times to clear her throat and regain her composure. _Meteor, anytime now._

When she looked up again he was eyeing her expectantly and she answered without letting any other rational thoughts choke her up, literally. "Yes, I'd like that."

That earned her another one of those almost smiles and she watched as he withdrew a pen from his pants pocket and scribbled a number onto a napkin. "I am certain you will do research of your own, but I would caution you. Not everything you read on the internet is true." He passed her the fold of paper and she stared at it. "Please, feel free to contact me at this number and we will set up the particulars."

"Are you like a therapist or something?" Elera asked suddenly as Solas stood up once more and tucked his chair back under the table.

"No." He answer simply.

"Why are you being so helpful?" It sounded more suspicious than she'd meant it to, but Solas seemed undaunted.

"I _want_ to."


	8. Caution

"You are sure you want to do this?"

"Cassandra, we've been over this. More than once. I'll be fine." They were sitting at the curb outside of a very nice looking building, one of the only in Haven to have been built in the last decade. It was all shining glass and sleek design and it seemed to rise up into the heavens. Even if the heavens were dumping snow all over everything.

"I know, but perhaps—"

"Perhaps nothing. I'm going to do this." Elera said firmly from the passenger seat of Cassandra car.

The human woman gripped the steering wheel tighter. Her knuckles were starting to turn white from the pressure. "I know. You are a grown woman and you are free to make your own decisions."

"Yes, thank you."

"But I don't not think this is a good one." Cassandra said quickly. Elera groaned and leaned her head back against the headrest, screwing her eyes shut.

"Cass!"

"No. No, I will not let this go, Elera. How much do you truly know about this…Solas?" She said his name like it tasted bad in her mouth. Cassandra had been against the idea ever since Elera had first suggested it. She'd been considering Solas' offer to help her for over a week and for every consideration she gave him, Cassandra had been there to offer a concern.

"Nothing." Elera blurted, meeting the other woman's gaze firmly. "No more than I know about Cullen or Dorian or _you_. He is no more a stranger to me than anyone else, Cassandra."

Cassandra's stern expression softened. "But, _we_ are your friends."

"Yes, I know that. I've believed that since the moment I woke up in that hospital, Cass, but I don't remember how we met. I don't remember the first time Dorian called me _Snowflake_ or if I was ever attracted to Cullen or when Blackwall, er, Thom was in the service, or how to make all those fucking ornaments hanging on that sad little tree in our living room! I can't remember any of it! And I _want_ to! And I think Solas can help me." Elera sighed and unfastened her seatbelt.

"And what if he does more harm?" Cassandra asked, her brow tightening.

"I don't believe he wants to harm me, Cass." Elera said gently, remembering the little jolt of electricity she'd felt crawl along her skin every time he touched her.

"Because you knew his name?" She sounded indignant. More than usual.

"I haven't remembered anyone's name. Just his." She said it quietly, like a secret meant only for herself. "A man I never even knew…"

"I don't like it." Cassandra huffed.

"I know, Cassandra."

"I still think you should consider your other options before doing something this drastic. Dreamers are dangerous, Elera."

"And what would you have me do, Cass? Go to a therapist? Sit on a couch and talk about my feelings until I unlock the secrets of my repressed thoughts and everything comes flooding back to me? I didn't get hit in the head with a rock or have some traumatic experience send me regressing into a vegetative state." She turned fully in her seat, so that maybe the Seeker could hear her more clearly. Could see the words forming on her mouth and know they were meant in earnest. "I got hit in the head with magic, Cassandra. Magic." She over enunciated the last word, saying it slowly as if to someone who didn't speak common. "My body is healed, but whatever magic tried to kill me has trapped everything that I am somewhere in my mind and I want it back. I want to know who I am again, Cassandra. Please, just trust me, okay? I'll be alright."

"I _do_ trust you." Cassandra said quickly. "It's _him_ I don't trust." She grumbled, her eyes flicking up to the building towering over them.

Elera smiled. "What sort of friend would you be if you did?" She chuckled and turned back in her seat, preparing to open the door. Cassandra sighed heavily beside her.

"You will call me if _anything_ happens, right?"

Elera nodded. "Yes Mother."

"Don't patronize me, Elera." She scolded, but it still sounded like a wounded parent. "You have your cell phone. You remember how to use it?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes. And I remember how to pee on my own too. Happy?" Elera rolled her eyes. "I lost my memories, Cassandra. Not my common sense." She gave the Seeker a final look over her shoulder and pulled on the handle of the door. "I'm going now. I'll call you."

Cassandra nodded, her lips pressed in a tight line, the steering wheel creaking under the pressure of her hands gripping it. "Elera?" The elf turned back at the sound of her name. "Do not hesitate. If something should happen. If he should…use _any_ means necessary to keep yourself safe. We don't want to lose you again."

Elera smiled and gave a single nod before climbing out into the snow.


	9. Hamin

She was staring at the door, her fist poised to knock. Her stomach was in knots again and her chest felt tight. Why the hell was she hesitating? Damned Cassandra and her cryptic warnings. _Dreamers are dangerous._ Elera actually lowered her hand from the door and let out a breath. No, she had to know if he could really help her. Plus, it was a wonderful excuse to see his apartment.

The Dalish drew her hand back up and knocked three times in rapid succession. Not too hard or too softly. She licked her lips and ran her fingers through her hair, melting the last lingering snowflakes into her long tresses. She'd worn it down and it framed her face like a dark waterfall. Solas had told her to dress comfortably, since she would be practically asleep for the entire session. She'd worn a pair of soft, black leggings and an oversized sweater. As long as she was able to take her coat and boots off, she'd be comfortable enough. The door opened after a few heartbeats and Elera felt hers stutter.

" _Lethallan._ " Elera felt her mouth hanging slightly agape at the elven man that filled the doorway. His hair was down, cascading around his angular face and over his shoulders in a dark wave. Instinctively she clutched her hands into fists at her sides. She had to in order to keep from reaching out and touching those wild locks.

" _Aneth ara_." She murmured in elvish. He was dressed in loose fitting pants. They appeared to be made of soft cotton blend or modal and hung from his narrow hips in a long gray line that drew her eyes down to his bare feet. She'd hardly noticed the charcoal colored tee shirt that draped over his shoulders and down his arms. He was almost fully covered and yet, Elera couldn't stop staring at the parts of him that weren't. His long hands and exposed feet.

"You haven't forgotten your people's language." He acknowledged approvingly. Solas stepped aside and motioned for her to step inside.

Elera swallowed the lump threatening to choke her words and held her breath as she crossed the threshold and into his home.

"Don't give me too much credit. The internet is a wonderful tool." She confessed, stopping just far enough inside for him to close the door.

"Ah, I see. Well, your pronunciation is to be admired." He was smiling that ghost of a smile that made her knees weak and Elera could do little more than watch as he padded around in his bare feet. "Shall I take your coat?" He offered and Elera nodded. She tried to slip out of the jacket without looking awkward and failed miserably. She hadn't brought anything aside from her cell phone. Cassandra was supposed to come pick her up when they were finished. Though, she wished Cassandra or Dorian would just let her drive herself places, but neither believed her when she said she remembered how to operate a vehicle. And no one seemed brave enough to let her try in the snow.

"Your apartment is…amazing." Elera commented as Solas placed her coat on a small rack near to the door. The room was open and spacious but at the same time, Elera felt cozy. It might have been all the books lining the shelves. So many, in fact, that the house almost smelled of parchment. An old, rich smell that stirred buried thoughts in the elf. The lighting was warm and soft and illuminated the fresco paintings that dotted his walls with an almost golden glow. Elera found herself moving toward one of the paintings. It appeared to be of a great wolf standing over a slain dragon. The colors were earthen and minimal, as if the painting was unfinished somehow, but it was breathtaking regardless.

"Thank you." Solas said from somewhere behind her. She heard the clinking of china and turned to see the other elf bringing a small tray of tea into the main room. He settled it on a long oval coffee table across from a chaise and two plush arm chairs. "You didn't have anything caffeinated today?" He made it a question as he set out a cup for each of them.

"Nope. No coffee, per your instructions." She'd been in contact with him since she'd agreed to accept his help. His text messages were usually very direct and short. No emoji's for this one.

Elera moved back to the little coat rack and called over to Solas, "I'm just going to take off my boots real quick if that's okay?" She inwardly scolded herself for not asking sooner. _Just waltz into the guy's house and start ogling his paintings, Elera._

Solas scarcely looked up from pouring liquid into the porcelain cups. "Absolutely. Please, make yourself comfortable. You will need to be relaxed for the process."

Elera unzipped the tall boots and climbed out of them. She pulled off the knee high socks she'd worn over the leggings and stuffed them down into the leather before picking herself off the floor and making her way over to the elf in the other room. He looked up at her and almost smiled, handing her a little cup and saucer of steaming liquid. It was pale and smelled sweet and earthy. She might have called it tea, but he had told her no caffeine so why would he give her tea?

"What's this?" She asked, breathing in the steam from her cup. Solas took a slow sip from his cup and Elera swallowed convulsively. She tried not to stare at his mouth but it was a losing battle.

"A special brew of herbs that will help you to relax." He made a small gesture for her to sit at the chaise and he waited for her to lower herself into its cushions before taking his own seat in the closest chair. "It is not a simple thing to will one's self into a dream."

Elera stared at the rosy liquid in the little cup and brought it to her lips, drinking deeply. It was almost bittersweet on her tongue, but she wasted no time in finishing her first cup, to which earned her a raised brow from Solas.

"Sorry, I'm a little nervous and just want to get this over with." She admitted, setting the cup back onto the saucer and sliding it back to the tray. She let out a shaky breath and rubbed her suddenly clammy hands down her thighs and over her knees. Solas paused with the strange tea at his lips. He gazed at her with those steely eyes over the tilted cup and then lowered it back to the saucer. Her anxiety was almost palpable and the elf settled his small plate and cup back onto the coffee table.

"Very well. Lie back." He murmured, standing suddenly.

Elera watched him as he moved around the coffee table and came to kneel just in front of her beside the chaise. His blue gray eyes were focused on her as he bent his knees against the rug and guided her movements. She watched the way his hair slid over his shoulders and how his ears peeked out from the little braids woven into the dark length of it all. She wanted to touch it so badly her fingers tingled.

"Elera?" He murmured her name and she quickly came back to herself. Remembering that he'd asked her to lie back, she did as she was instructed. Her head settled into the plush pillow behind it, hair fanning out like water. She drew her knees up onto the cushions and let out a slow breath.

"Now what?" She whispered. She hadn't meant for her voice to come out in a whisper, but it had. Why did this suddenly feel so intimate? Wouldn't it have been the same at a therapist's office? _Lie back and tell me about your childhood?_ Or something like that?

"Close your eyes." He instructed and she obeyed. Her lips were parted and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She could hear him right beside her. Hear his soft breaths, the shift of his clothing against his body. There was no way she was going to be able to fall asleep. This was never going to work.

"You have to relax, _Lethallan_." He reminded her. Elera took a deep, steadying breath and tried to calm her racing heartbeat. "Now, clear your thoughts. I need you to focus on a single point. It could be an object or a word, but let it only be a single thing."

Suddenly, she felt the warmth of his hand against her own. That familiar zing of electricity leapt over her skin and threatened to make her shudder beneath it. His skin was so warm above hers. She wanted to turn her palm over and lace their fingers together but she remained still. She felt his other hand against her hairline, partially touching her forehead. Again, her breath caught beneath the pulse of energy that seemed to pass between them.

" _Hamin._ " He murmured, his voice a quiet, lyrical timber. She knew she'd heard it before. In her dreams maybe. In her wildest dreams where he taught her the mysteries of their people and laid his warm hands all over her body. The thought brought a smile to spread across her lips.

"Have you found your foci?" He asked softly.

She felt her heartbeat slowing as she sank into the feel of his warm hand on hers. She realized she was concentrating on that warmth, that electric hum of energy that passed between them, but it didn't seem to matter. It felt good and she nodded ever so slightly in response to his inquiry.

"Good." He whispered it. She loved the sound of his voice.


	10. Memories like Teardrops

The wind was warm against her face. Something was ticking her skin like fingertips caressing just above the surface, touching only every now and again. Elera opened her eyes and stared up at a sky on fire. The clouds were almost glowing against the backdrop of pink and gold burning a sunset into the horizon. It was breathtaking. The elf sat up and found herself in a field of tall grass bending to the will of the wind as it rolled through the valley. The grass stretched out for miles, it seemed. A dress she didn't remember putting on pooled around her legs and she stood, letting the fabric fall around her bare feet.

"Hello?" She called out, hearing her voice echo back to her from somewhere to the right. Elera turned slowly, looking for a change in the endless sea of grass. In the distance she thought she saw something reflecting back at her. A flicker in the golden haze of sunset.

She took a step toward the glittering reflection and then another. Her feet sank into the soft grass. It was cool against her skin and tugged at the edges of her dress as she passed through it. Her hands drifted out to her sides and she let the tallest blades graze the tips of her fingers as she moved across the field. She let the wind blow her hair in a wild trail behind her as her pace quickened. Before long she was sprinting across the valley and toward that single flicker of _something_.

As she grew closer to the strange light, the grass seemed to recede. It was not as tall here, more worn down as if in a path. A path that lead to a single, small sapling. The trunk had barely begun to darken and only a few leaves budded from its small branches but it managed to hold the weight of a small, glass bulb. It was a small thing, glittering like a blue star in the warm light. Elera knelt down and touched the little bauble with a single finger. She heard a sound like chimes or a baby's laughter echoing from somewhere deep inside and her breath caught in her throat.

"What sort of magic is this?" She asked absently. There were more glints in the magical hour of sunset. More reflections ahead of her. A few more saplings, slightly larger. A few of the glass baubles scattered on their branches. Then, ahead, small trees, barely two feet high holding more. Elera looked up and saw the trees spreading out like stair steps. Each row filled with larger trees and the larger the trees grew, the more glittering glass jewels they seemed to hold from their branches.

Elera walked forward into the forest of shimmering glass until she was surrounded by trees on all sides. Each on casting beams of every color against her skin as the breeze shook the leaves and caused the ornaments to gently sway from their branches. She closed her eyes and listened to the faint voices tinkling from the beads of glass. Some were like children singing, others were the whispers of lovers in the dark. Some sounded joyful and others cried in pain. There were so many. Too many.

"You have beautiful dreams." Solas' cadence cut through the hum of other voices and Elera felt herself gasp as her eyes shot open, looking for the other elf. He emerged from beneath one of the larger trees. His eyes were cast toward the sky, his hands folded carefully behind his back as he observed the glass dangling all around them. "I did not mean to startle you." He apologized. He looked like something formed from magic with the lights of the sun and glass dancing along his skin. Elera felt her heart ache suddenly and she couldn't explain why. It was as if seeing him like that made her long for something she'd lost so long ago she couldn't even remember what it was now.

Solas edged closer to her, his bare feet gliding over the soft grass as if he were floating rather than walking. "I am sorry it took me a moment to find you. The Fade can be a difficult place to navigate, especially when you are trying to find a part of it tied to a specific person." He looked around again. The perpetually setting sun made his eyes seem lighter than they were, his skin warmer, and the darkness of his hair almost glowed. Elera licked her lips.

"What are all these?" She asked, her eyes gazing around at the sea of baubles shimmering all around them. Solas took a healthy look around and spoke to her without meeting her gaze.

"Your memories, I would imagine." He looked closely at one of the glass bulbs and then to Elera. "Have you tried to open one?"

Elera shook her head. "How would I even do that?"

"That is for you to decipher, I'm afraid." Solas inspected one of the wide trunks of a nearby tree. His long fingers splayed out against is bark and he trailed it across the intricate surface. Elera tried not to imagine him trailing that same hand across her naked body, but it was a losing battle. "Does any of this seem familiar to you? Significant even?" He asked, not facing her.

Elera looked around at all of the, almost ornamental, memories. They looked very similar to the ones she'd seen hanging on the sad little tree in her living room. The ones Cassandra had told her she made.

"I think I made these. Uh, not _these_ specifically, obviously, but something like this."

"How?" Solas quipped, turning to face her.

"What?"

"How did you make them?" He pressed.

Elera shrugged. She had asked herself the same question and had even tried to research it via the internet. "It's blown glass, I think. You heat it up with a torch to make it soft then blow in it to shape it. At least, that's what I've read. I don't actually remember how I did it."

Solas looked at the glass hanging closest to him as if seeing it for the first time. He inspected it with a critical eye and Elera watched the thoughtful expression shifting on his handsome face.

"Were you proficient in any particular sort of magic?" He asked, still focused on the glass. Elera shrugged.

"If I was, I don't remember. I haven't even used any magic since I woke up." She confessed and Solas lifted his eyes to her at that.

"None?"

Elera shook her head while Solas crossed the space between them. He stopped just out of reach where a single bulb hung at eye level between them. "Humor me?" He asked, tilting his head just a little to see her fully from around the bauble.

The Dalish elf was biting her lower lip, her insides suddenly twisting as she prepared for what he was going to ask her. "Okay." She agreed softly.

"Many cultures and literatures reference fire as being a means of baptism and rebirth. Perhaps it is the key to your memories as well?" He offered and Elera felt an ache starting at the base of her spine. "Touch the orb." He instructed and Elera clenched her fingers into a fist at her side. Reluctantly, she unfurled her right hand and slowly lifted it to the glass. It was warm against her fingertip where she touched it. "Take it into your hand." He urged gently and Elera slowly cupped the thin glass into her palm. She glanced at Solas from just past her outstretched hand. He was watching her intently, like some great bird. The gentle breeze lifting the ends of his dark hair where it hung loosely over his shoulders.

"Now what?" She asked. She could feel a soft humming against her hand, a vibration of memory trapped inside its prison of light and glass.

"Now, heat the glass with your magic."

Elera felt her dark brows shoot up. "I—I don't…I don't know if I can." She stammered. "Solas, I told you, I haven't used magic since I woke up. I don't know if I remember how."

The bare-faced elf looked at her and the expression on his angular face was thoughtful. "It is not a matter of remembering how so much as trusting your instincts. Magic is a muscle memory, Elera. Your body will remember how to do it." He sounded so sure, she wanted to succeed for him. She felt like it would crush some small part of her to fail when he put so much faith in her abilities.

Solas took a step toward her and then another. She started to let go of the orb when he spoke, "Don't let go." She swallowed hard but did as he asked, suddenly aware that he'd walked completely behind her. She could feel the heat of his body as he came to stand directly against her back. His front was a solid weight behind her and she resisted the urge to lean into him. He was still wearing the same loose fitting pants and shirt, his hair tickling the exposed skin of her shoulder. He was so close she could smell the old books clinging to his skin and deeper than that, the scent of magic. Like ozone, before a storm sets rain and lightning down onto a meadow.

Solas' hand slid down her extended arm to cradle her hand where she still held the bauble. The feel of his skin against hers made the tiny hairs at the nape of her neck stand on end and prickled gooseflesh down her arms.

"I want you to concentrate on the orb. Think about how it would feel growing hot against your skin. Think about holding a flame in your hand and letting that flame envelope the orb."

"But wouldn't the flame burn me?" Elera asked, her voice a little too breathy.

"No." Solas' voice held just the slightest inkling of humor. "The flame is a part of you. It bends to your will. It will do as you command." He murmured against her hair. Elera stifled a shudder. " _Hamin._ " He cooed in elvish. _Relax_ she understood the word now. It unraveled itself in her thoughts as easily as common tongue did.

Elera closed her eyes. She had to or she would keep staring at his long fingers where they curled over her own. She tried to imagine a flame in her hand. She thought about how that flame might wrap itself around the glass ball in her palm and how the heat would turn the glass a bright, molten orange in its wake. She imagined how soft and malleable the glass would become beneath the heat of her flame.

She felt something tingling against her skin. Solas' hand felt so warm against her own and suddenly she wasn't sure where the heat began or ended. Elera opened her eyes and a little gasp escaped her lips as she stared at the ghostly green glow of fire enveloping both their hands.

"Interesting." Solas breathed behind her and she felt the consistency of the orb in her hand shift. It felt as if it were shrinking in her palm or breaking down. Little flickers of light drifted out of the flames like ash and embers and suddenly she heard laughter. It was the loud, boisterous sound of Qunari she called Bull, but it was also her own. Joy and humor filled her. There were steins and a terrible tasting ale. Sera was under the table. The memory left Elera laughing out loud with tears threatening to spill over from her eyes.

"I remember." She said absently. Solas' hand dropped away and she unclenched her own to find that the orb was gone. Dissipated into sparkles of light on the breeze. She turned swiftly, nearly bumping into him in their closeness. "I know when that picture was taken in my room." She blurted, realizing only after she'd said it that Solas had no idea what she was talking about. "It worked. It's just the one memory, but…it worked." She was grinning so wide it hurt and she hugged the elven man in front of her suddenly. "Thank you!"

"It was your magic that called the veilfire to unlock the memory." Solas said encouragingly. Elera drew away from the hug but didn't lower her arms from where they rested on his shoulders. She stared into his considerate face and ignored the caution gnawing at the back of her mind. Her hands braced him and she pulled herself toward him, crushing her mouth against his in a sudden kiss. His lips were warm, his mouth inviting and she felt it move against her own an instant before the kiss broke and he stepped out of the circle of her arms, breathless and unable to look her in the eyes.

"We can't." He blurted, eyes still downcast. " _I_ can't." He corrected and when he lifted those steely eyes to hers there was pain in them. There was a rawness in his eyes like she'd just ripped a wound wide open.

Elera took a step back. Baubles of memories tinkling like chimes as she brushed against them.

"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression." Solas apologized.

"Oh…uh, that's okay, um…" Her face flamed. She was tripping over her own tongue to speak. The rejection felt like a slap in the face. Her stomach flipped and then turned until she felt like she might be sick.

"It's not _you._ "

Elera's back hit a tree and she turned to brace herself against it with one hand. She couldn't breathe suddenly. Nausea rolled through her. Why had she done that? What had she been thinking?

"Its fine, Solas. There's someone else. Got it." She assumed, waving him off with her free hand.

She heard the singing of the memories surrounding them as the breeze picked up.

"Yes, there _was._ " He said softly and she could almost hear his heart breaking as he said it. Elera looked at him then but his eyes were unfocused and glassy. The Dalish stared at him and her eyes started to burn as she put it altogether. It was almost too romantic to stomach and she hated herself for being so quick to assume.

"I want to wake up." She blurted, averting her gaze before he saw the first tear fall.

"Elera. You've made wonderful progress, very quickly. Don't let this—"

"I want to wake up, please!" She tried to keep her voice even, but it came out shrill. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. It was so hard to breathe.

" _…please_." The word was still on her lips when she sat up on the chaise. Solas lifted his head from where it had been resting atop both their hands. Elera jerked her hand back and scooted quickly off the cushions, not waiting for Solas to climb to his feet.

"Elera." He said her name gently. She was already stuffing her feet into her boots and pulling her arms through her coat.

"I'm fine. It's fine." She blubbered. "I've got to go." She was texting Cassandra furiously at the door. "Thanks for the help. Really. Thanks." He was coming closer and she felt like she would suffocate if she didn't get away from him. Her hand was on the knob and she pulled it open.

"El—"

"I have to go."


	11. Put On Your Big Girl Panties

There was a knock at her door. Probably Cassandra back to give her another thoughtful interrogation. It didn't matter how sweetly the human put it, it still sounded like the third degree to the elf.

"Snowflake?" It was Dorian, back from visiting with his family. If only he'd been around a week ago when everything had happened. Cassandra was a good friend, but not particularly good at girl talk. "I've come bearing gifts of Haagen-Dazs and Netflix. Well, mostly I just brought the ice cream, I figured you could spare the Netflix." There was a gentle knock at the door before it creaked open.

Elera was sitting on the side of her bed. The gauze of the canopy wafting around her as she ran her fingers over the little glass drops of the tree that sat on the nightstand. The glass was cold against her fingertips. There was no music or laughter echoing back from the ornamental tree. Not like there had been in her dream. The Dalish elf sighed. It shouldn't have bothered her so much, but it did.

She felt the bed sink in next to her but didn't need to look over to know who it was. "Elera, talk to me?" Dorian urged gently. "Cassandra says you've scarcely left your room and well, she's just about convinced Cullen to send a small army of Templars to Solas' apartment."

"No, don't let her do that!" Elera whirled and was met with the sly smirk of the Tevinter. Elera's eyes narrowed. "You were lying." Her shoulders slumped and her cheeks burned. She couldn't believe how easily she'd let him bait her.

"Not entirely. Cassandra has threatened to bring the whole of Thedas down upon him if he did anything to hurt you." He reached out and gently rubbed her back. "The only problem is, no one can figure out if anything happened." Dorian ran his hand in small circles against her shirt. "Come on El, it's been a week and you've been hiding in your room like a fourteen year old girl whose just had her first heartbreak."

Elera turned her head to look at him then. Reminded suddenly of the look on Solas' face that night. The pain in his eyes, stripped raw before her. Elera blinked a few times too fast and Dorian swore.

" _Kaffas!_ Okay, now you _have_ to tell me." He demanded.

"I kissed him." She confessed, so quietly, it felt like a sin to say aloud.

"Aaaaand?" Dorian pressed, his voice turning a little bit giddy.

Elera looked at him squarely. "And he's in love with someone else."

Dorian's expression sank. "Oh."

"Exactly." She murmured, poking at one of the glass leaves on her little tree.

"But…did he kiss you back?" Dorian needled.

The Dalish woman huffed. "Sort of, for a second, but what does that matter?"

Dorian raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at her. "Oh Darling, it matters."

"And the worst part is, the woman he loved…I think she's dead or something." Elera sighed covering her face with her hands.

"Oh that's...that's just…I think I might be sick actually." Dorian muttered. "But El, what about the whole dream sharing bit? I mean, did you remember anything? Did it work at all?"

Elera lowered her hands from her face and stared at Dorian. "It did, at least…I remembered something. Just that time Bull, Sera and I had a drinking contest." She was starting to smile at just the mention of her newly returned memory.

"Oh no, of all the things to remember. That should have been something that remained forgotten." Dorian groaned. "So, Solas _did_ help you then?"

"Yes, he did." She murmured. She smiled wistfully and told Dorian about what she'd seen in the Fade. She described the trees and the ornaments containing her lost memories. She told him about the strange green flame and about hearing music when Solas held her hand and brought back her magic. "It was all so beautiful."

"It sounds lovely, El." Dorian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her close. He kissed the top of her head and leaned his chin against it. "I think you know what you need to do, Snowflake." He murmured into her hair.

Elera tilted her head upwards. "I don't know if I can look him in the eyes again. It's going to be so awkward."

"Darling, you know that I will love you no matter what you choose. Even if you want to remain this confused little doe the rest of your days, I will still stand beside you…but, is that really what _you_ want, El?"

Elera sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling into the warmth of her friend. She knew the answer. There was no doubt in her mind. She wanted her memories back. She wanted to remember how she and Dorian became friends. She wanted to be able to relive the first time she saw snow or the first sweet thing she'd ever tasted. She wanted to remember how to deal with rejection and heart break, because she knew, somewhere amongst all those glittering baubles, were those lessons too.

She knew she couldn't do it without Solas' help.

"No. I _want_ to remember."

"Then I think you know what you need to do." Dorian reached for her cell phone and placed it into her lap. Elera lifted the device into her hands and swiped the screen. Solas had sent her several messages since that night. Most of which were simple, to the point and incredibly professional.

"Time to put on your big girl panties, but don't actually put on _big_ panties." Dorian winked, giving her a little one armed squeeze.

Elera sighed, staring at the blinking message bar. She pursed her lips and tapped the screen, spelling out a message quickly and hitting _send_ before she could overthink it and change her mind.


	12. Mixed Messages

Solas glanced over his book at his cellphone where it sat silent on his coffee table. It had been silent for at least a week now. At least, silent from the one number he'd hoped might show up on the screen. He had tried to give her time to think it over before sending the first message.

 _Please let me know when you would like to schedule another session –Solas_

It was incredibly formal and presumptuous but he had hoped she had meant what she said. That everything was fine. That what had happened between them wasn't an issue. After all, she had seemed so delighted when she'd unlocked the first memory. The look on her face had been a thing of beauty and Solas had felt some part of himself thaw at the sight of it.

Still, he couldn't let that matter. He wouldn't let himself. Not again.

 _You made quite a lot of progress in a single session. I would imagine you will make even more in the next. – Solas_

The next message he'd intended to be complimentary. It was the truth, in fact. He'd had no idea how her journey into the Fade would turn out. He hadn't even been certain his idea to unlock the glass would work. She'd impressed him with her willingness to try. Her openness and tenacity. Magic had flowed through her like water in a babbling brook. It could have stuttered and stalled on the rocks of her doubt and yet it had rushed past those uncertainties to manifest in the most surprising of ways.

He'd waited an extra day before sending the third message.

 _I truly hope I have not caused you discomfort. It was not my intention. I would still like to help, if you would allow me. – Solas_

The last had sounded like an apology and in a way, it was. He scolded himself for allowing the signs to elude him. He acknowledged that, perhaps, he wanted them to. After all, there was a kind of bliss in ignorance. The knowing was always so much worse.

Solas realized he'd read the same passage in his book three times as he contemplated the text message he had sent to her throughout the week. He was brushing his index finger across his lower lip absently. His eyes closed and he could taste her mouth there against his own. It had been almost feverish. Her lips forceful and delicate all at once. She tasted like the first rain of spring. She smelled like honey and rich earth and deeper, vaguely, there was the scent of ash. He had his own memories of the kiss, of similar kisses and Solas covered his mouth with his hand. Whispering into it, "No, it cannot be."

He sat forward, closing the book easily in one long hand. He reached for the cell phone and slid his finger across the dark surface, already knowing what he would find. Nothing.

" _Fenedhis!_ " He cursed, clutching the phone in one hand and settling it down on the arm of the chair he was curled up in. He looked away from the hand that held the device. He told himself to let it go. To leave it alone. There were more important things that needed to be done.

 _But what if…_

Solas shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose right between his eyes.

 _She knew your name._

Solas scrubbed a hand down his face and lifted the phone. He opened the locked screen and began typing away with fervor.

 _Elera, there is something I wish to discuss with you. It is important that I speak with you about this as soon as possible. You should know that—_

A message flashed on his screen, interrupting his typing.

 _Coffee shop in an hour? –Elera_

Solas lifted his thumbs from the phone. He pressed the key to reply and saw that his previous message was already partially typed in the little box. He deleted it quickly and instead sent simply,

 _I will see you then. –Solas_


	13. Not Exactly Coffee

Elera glanced at her phone where it rested on the table. Her white, hot chocolate steamed in its mug next to the phone. She tried to keep her eyes off the front door and not look up every time she heard the little bell above it jingle. She'd told him an hour, but she'd made sure to arrive much earlier than that. She'd waited long enough that the scarf around her neck was beginning to feel like a noose. The Dalish woman began to unravel the garment, pooling the warm fabric in her lap.

She'd come alone. She wasn't afraid of Solas, despite Cassandra's reservations, and the café was walking distance from her apartment. There was no reason to bring anyone along. She was a big girl. She could handle coffee on her own. Her eyes glanced at the white, frothy mixture in her cup. Even if it wasn't exactly coffee.

She reminded herself that she had called Solas here to talk about recovering her memories. That was all. It was strictly professional. She needed his skills to access her memories and besides, he'd offered to help.

 _He also kissed you back._ A little voice needled from somewhere inside her. Elera shook the thoughts away. It didn't matter. He loved someone else. Even if said someone else, wasn't physically in the picture anymore.

 _"Oh darling, it matters."_ Dorian's snarky voice echoed through her mind and Elera grumbled wordlessly to herself. She scooped up her phone and woke it with a thumb across its screen. The hour was almost up.

"You did say an hour, correct?" Solas was standing at the other end of the table. A drink in his incredible hands. Elera almost dropped her phone on the floor. She hadn't seen him come in. She hadn't even seen him get the drink. How had she missed…it didn't matter.

"Oh, yeah. You're right on time." She recovered, motioning to the seat across from her. "You want to sit?"

Solas pulled the chair out and folded himself into it. Elera marveled at his posture. Among other things. Creators help her. He'd tied his hair back again and the scarf at his throat was loose and looked soft. She grabbed her drink with both hands so she'd have something to distract her from wanting to reach out and touch him. She cursed Dorian and his pep talks. This was never going to work. How did he expect her not to ogle the teacher through the entire lesson?

"Thank you for inviting me." "Thanks for coming." They both spoke at once and smiled as their similar sentences overlapped one another. Elera inclined her head toward the bare-faced elf.

"You first."

Solas spun the cup by its rim with the tips of his fingers. "I was pleased to receive your message." His eyes stared down into the liquid steaming from the mug before he glanced up at the Dalish woman sitting across from him. "I had begun to think you would not be returning."

Elera licked her lips and quickly took a sip from her own cup. She tried not to read too much into his words. It was silly to let herself get tangled up in the syntax. After all…

"I thought about it." She confessed into her drink as she lowered it back to the table. Solas' dark brows scrunched together ever-so-slightly and Elera knew she had to explain. She sighed. "I made things awkward, Solas. For you, for me." She shook her head. "I wasn't sure I wanted to come back. I wasn't sure it was worth it."

"You would have turned away from your memories over a kiss?" Solas asked.

"A rejected kiss." Elera corrected, pushing a marshmallow around with her finger.

Solas' expression softened. "It was not an unpleasant exchange."

"Just an unwanted one." Elera blurted and quickly retracted. "I'm sorry, ignore me. Clearly I do _not_ do very well with rejection." She huffed out a breath and shook her head. "See, yet another reason I need to get my memories back. Otherwise I might be going through emotional puberty for the rest of my life." She tried to make it a joke, but it was hard when Solas' lips almost never moved in the direction of a smile.

"Regardless, I should have been more forthcoming." He said evenly, lifting the cup to his lips. Elera averted her eyes toward the table before she paid too much attention to him drinking.

"What? No. That is not something you have to talk about to someone you barely know…or anyone if you don't want to."

Solas glanced at her from over the mug in his hands. "Thank you." He murmured.

"Has she been gone long?" The words were out of Elera's mouth before she could stop herself. "I'm an asshole. You don't have to answer that. I can't believe that even just came out of my mouth." Elera covered her mouth with one hand, flabbergasted at her lack of a filter all of a sudden.

"It's alright." He smiled sadly. "It has been a very long time since I have spoken about her to anyone. In any context." He was rubbing the rim of his cup with his index finger again. "She has been gone a long time…though, sometimes it feels like only a moment ago." He wasn't looking at her. His soft blue eyes were staring at something far away in his cup. Perhaps he saw a reflection there in the swirl of steam.

"I'm sorry." Elera said ruefully. "I didn't mean…" Her eyes burned. Why had she asked him that? What in the hell kind of sadist was she? "I absolutely did _not_ ask you here to bring that up. I just wanted to apologize in person for being withdrawn the last week and to tell you that I _do_ want to continue the dream therapy…or whatever we're calling it." She took a breath, having rushed through the last to avoid saying anything else upsetting.

Solas stopped circling the rim of the cup with his fingers and folded them on top of the table. "Excellent. We can make arrangements to continue whenever you are avail—"

"How about now?" Elera interrupted, then added, "That is, if you're free. I mean, I'm not busy or anything and as long as you don't mind me hitching a ride in your car…"

There it was. That little twinge of a smile. It was a ghost of a thing. Something you might miss if you didn't see it out of the corner of your eye. But it had been there an instant before he replied.

"I don't mind." He stood from the table and Elera had to gaze up the length of his body suddenly. "Now sounds good."


	14. Questions in Quartz

Elera was giggling uncontrollably at the memory that filled her like a cup suddenly. The remnants of the locked magic floated around her face and dissipated on her skin as she reclaimed yet another lost moment in her life.

"Another happy one?" Solas asked from his perch against one of the larger trees.

Elera looked at him and grinned. "Don't ask. It's almost embarrassing how silly it is." She breathed deep as the last of the orbs contents faded into her consciousness. She'd managed to open several more of the glittering gems that held her memories. Some had been of arguments. Some of hugs and gossip. Each, tiny moments that helped shape her.

She gazed around at all of the shimmering baubles surrounding her in the forest of her dreams. She was in the thickest section and she could scarcely turn around without bumping into one of the glass ornaments.

"I wish there was a way to figure out what was what." She murmured breathlessly. Why did she feel winded all of a sudden? She stood with her hands on her hips, knuckles down in fists. "There's so many of them."

"A lifetime's worth." Solas offered.

Elera looked at him where he rested against the trunk of one of the massive trees. Several of the glass orbs hung around him, cascading light across his beautiful face like a prism. Elera looked away and down the path that lead to the smaller trees and the vast field of tall grass.

"Yeah, but they don't seem to be in any order." She spoke to the wind, not wanting to stare at the bare-faced elf for too long.

"Are you sure of that?" Solas asked, pushing away from the tree he'd been leaning against. He came to stand beside her so that he could motion toward the pathway where the trees grew smaller and sparser. "All of the memories you've uncovered where we are now have been fairly recent, correct?"

"Yeah, all seem like they took place in the last few years or so." Elera answered, trying to follow his logic.

"Perhaps the size of the trees is relative to your own age?" Solas offered thoughtfully.

Elera felt the realization hit her like lightning cracking across her head. "So the sapling in the front…with the single orb..."

"Probably your first memory." Solas shrugged. "A Mother's face or Father's voice perhaps?"

Elera began walking toward the edge of the tree line, feeling Solas following a few steps behind her. She paid attention to the density of the forest, how it thinned the closer she came to the end of the path. The trees were shorter, with less branches and less of the sparkling baubles.

"So that's why there are less memories on the smaller trees. Less trees even." Elera stated absently as she moved out of the canopy and to the dappling of adolescent fauna. The sun felt warm against her skin. The wind smelled slightly of ozone, like there was a storm somewhere close by causing the rapidly shifting breeze, but the sky remained a blaze of sunset, never changing, forever constant in that last magical hour of light.

"I suspect it is because older memories are more difficult to recall. Even if you did not suffer from amnesia, it would be easier for you to remember what you did last year as opposed to ten or twenty years ago."

Elera arched one thin eyebrow. "Just how old do you think I am?"

Solas blinked once, twice, his face growing blank as he calmed his expression. "If I've offended you…"

"I'm just kidding!" Elera said quickly, her hand clasping him on the shoulder. "Hey, what's that over there?" She could see something reflecting in the distance. It looked close, but it was hard to gauge just how far exactly with the horizon stretching out forever.

"I do not know." Solas answered, following her pointed finger.

"Could there be more than one forest?" Elera asked, her hand sliding away from his shoulder. She was already moving toward the flickering light. Her bare feet sinking into the cool grass as it rose up around her the deeper she moved into the valley. She was wearing the little gown again and Solas was once more in what amounted to pajamas. She knew it wasn't what they'd fallen asleep in, but it was how her mind shaped them.

She walked ahead, not looking back to see if the other elf was following her. The grass gave way to rich earth and colorful flowers. They were wild and bright and Elera could smell an almost sweet perfume climb up into the breeze. She felt something snag her dress an instant before a thorn cut across her foot. The Dalish elf hissed as she jerked away from the small bush that had attacked her. Its flowers almost shimmered in the blazing sunset.

"Are you injured?" Solas asked, picking his pace up ever-so-slightly. Elera pulled the hem of her dress aside and stared at the crimson line blossoming across her bare foot.

"Just a scratch. Be careful, some of these flowers have thorns." She warned him and continued forward, careful now to watch her step.

The flowers seemed to grow thicker the closer they came to the light, but Elera noticed that the bloom with the thorns was becoming the most prominent among them. It slowed her stride as she carefully maneuvered around it. It grasped at her dress and threatened the bare skin of her legs and feet. The grass was almost a memory as they neared what appeared to be another collection of trees. The earth seemed darker here, richer. The thorn bushes, with their lovely flowers, grew up and around trees whose trunks twisted and curved into strange shapes. The bark was white and held a kind of pearlescent shimmer to it. The leaves were deeply crimson, the way autumn could sometimes turn them and Elera could just make out something dark handing from their branches.

The Dalish woman gazed around at this new forest of memories, a strange sensation coming over her. Emotions churned in the pit of her stomach and she stifled a shudder as she moved past the first few rows of small saplings and moved deeper into the thicket.

"How many of these forests can there be? I don't understand." Elera murmured as she neared where the trees began to grow so tall and dense they threatened to block out the light.

"Perhaps these are buried memories? Repressed thoughts you'd rather not remember?" Solas offered, his voice closer now than it had been before, and Elera knew he had to be right behind her.

Elera reached out to one of the dark orbs swaying gently in the breeze. It was cold against her fingers. It felt similar to the glass, but denser, like a stone and Elera wondered for the first time what was holding them to the branches.

"These are so dark. So cloudy. I'm not sure how I could have even seen that reflection since these don't seem to have any light coming off of them."

Solas came up beside her and gripped another of the orbs. He tilted his head as he inspected it closely and finally let it go to sway gently.

"These aren't made of glass, like the others." He stated evenly. His voice had taken on that professorial tone it got sometimes when he was about to start lecturing.

Elera wrapped her fingers around the bauble she'd been touching. "You know what it is?"

"Veil Quartz. A very rare mineral. I do not believe it even exists outside of the Fade any longer. Much like veilfire."

"And you think these are repressed memories? Bad memories?" Elera asked, staring at the sea of dark stones hanging from the strange trees.

"Not bad, but emotionally weighted, yes." Solas glanced at her and back toward the way they had come. "Perhaps this forest should be saved for another time?"

Elera looked at him fully. "What? No, I want to know what's here. What if this is where the accident is? What if that's the one memory I need to have to open all the rest. Like a ripple effect?"

Solas studied her face. "You are doing well enough at unlocking the memories yourself. You believe a particular memory will act as a catalyst for all the rest?"

"Solas, there are thousands of memories. So many moments to relearn and sort through. How long will it take to go through them all? If one memory could be the key to all the rest, why wouldn't I try to find it?"

"A short-cut." He said and Elera couldn't figure out if he meant it negatively.

"Yes, a short-cut." She admitted and turned her focus back to the orb in her hands. She listened to the magic singing in her blood and concentrated on the center of her palm. She imagined that ethereal fire coming to life in her hand and encompassing the memory much the same way her fingers were. The veilfire slithered to life, engulfing the orb and Elera opened her palm to give it room to breathe as she narrowed her vision down to a single point. Almost as soon as the pale blue-green flame appeared she saw the dark ornament shimmer with a kind of inner light. The mineral shimmered a strange mix of green and gold the way oil could sometimes appear to have colors fading in and out from its murky surface. Inside the stone Elera could see a ghostly light beginning to glow until she and Solas were bathed in that strange light as more of the orbs lit up around them.

Elera waited for the body of the little ball to fall away and the memory to fill her, but nothing happened. She huffed a sigh and the flame extinguished. Slowly, the light inside the orbs began to fade until they were left in the dim light filtered by the canopy.

"I don't understand. That worked for all the others." Her voice was breathy and labored. She had to drop her arm back to her side as the muscles began to tremble from the exertion.

She felt Solas' fingers gently touch her shoulder. "Perhaps that is enough for tonight."

Elera shrugged his hand off as she lifted her hand beneath the orb once more. "No, I want to try again." She squared her shoulders and took in a deep breath, exhaling as she conjured the fire to her palm once more. She narrowed her eyes at the orb as it began to shimmer in the light of the flame. She willed that flame to grow brighter and tried not to pay attention to the other ornaments as they shimmered to life with that ghost light swirling inside them. She grabbed hold of the orb with the hand that called the veilfire. She imagined pushing that flame inside the quartz and she saw the light shift from something between blue and green to white.

"Elera…" Solas' voice was a breath behind her.

She was squeezing the orb so hard her hand hurt but she didn't let up. She was breathing hard, her heart suddenly racing. Her skin tingled and felt feverish. She thought the veil quartz might be burning her and with one final agonizing push she felt the mineral splinter inside her hand.

Light exploded from her hand along with the shards of the orb. Mist and flame spread out in arcs of ghostly light, touching nearby orbs until the forest began to glow in that same eerie light. Elera could hear voices, laughter, shouting, cheers and screams. She heard a blood curdling screech in the distance and the boisterous laughter of a room full of companions from somewhere closer. She watched as the dust and fragments of the orb danced in a ribbon of magical light.

"What's happening?" Elera heard herself ask. Her chest felt tight as she struggled to take in a full breath. She felt Solas' hands on her shoulders, bracing her as her legs turned to jelly in the wake of her exhaustion.

She expected the memory to fill her suddenly like all the others, but this one was shaping itself in front of her. Those same scattered particles shimmered into an image she could see through, like a movie projected onto mist.

She saw faces, smudged with dirt, noses and cheeks reddened by the frost. They were dressed in clothes from another time. They were farmers and priests and warriors, men and women young and old. There were injured and dying being tended. There were tents strung up around a snowy mountainside, fires burning to hold back the cold. Furs and skins lined the ground in makeshift beds. The mood was grim, as if something terrible had just passed them by and had left little for them to cling to. Even hope.

Elera thought she recognized some of the faces staring back at her as a voice warbled inside the memory:

 _"Shadows fall, and hope has fled_  
 _Steel your heart, the dawn will come_  
 _The night is long, and the path is dark_  
 _Look to the sky, for one day soon_  
 _The dawn will come"_

A shiver raced up her spine and prickled gooseflesh along every inch of her skin. Another voice rang out, joining in with the first. Elera swore she knew the voice. Like it belonged to someone she spoke to all the time.

 _"The shepherd's lost, and his home is far  
Keep to the stars, the dawn will come"_

More voices chimed in, slowly, their cadence gaining strength as the song progressed.

 _"The night is long, and the path is dark"_

Elera gasped softly as she heard what she was certain was Cullen's voice. She saw a man with his eyes closed as he sang out into the night. He looked like Cullen, but he was dressed like an ancient General, all armored lines and steel reserve. More and more voices joined in chorus until the elf felt herself holding her breath against the weight of their song.

 _"Look to the sky, for one day soon  
The dawn will come"_

Elera stared at the shimmering image as it played out before her. Hovering in the air like some sort of phantom. She could have reached out and touched them, but she didn't dare. She felt those faces staring at her from behind the veil of magic. Those same farmers, clerics, knights, men and women, elves and humans all came to kneel down before her and she couldn't stop the shudder from shaking her bones.

 _"Bare your blade, and raise it high_  
 _Stand your ground, the dawn will come_  
 _The night is long, and the path is dark_  
 _Look to the sky, for one day soon_  
 _The dawn will come"_

"What is this?" Elera whispered as the image began to fade along with the melody of voices. When Solas didn't answer she turned, feeling his hands fall away from her shoulders as she spun in his arms. His face was ashen and pale and he was staring past her at the fading magic of the memory behind them. "Solas?" Elera asked, instinct moving her hand to touch his cheek, to focus his gaze.

He turned his face out of her reach and breathed a single word. "No."


	15. Tell Me What it Means

"No? No, what? Solas, are you alright?" She was speaking to him, moving her face to be in his line of sight. The concern in her voice touched him but he couldn't meet her eyes. Eyes he knew he'd seen before but didn't want to believe it. He wouldn't believe it. He couldn't. It was impossible.

"Please, _Vhenan._ " He blurted stupidly and immediately wished he'd held his tongue.

" _Vhenan?_ " She made it a question. "I don't think I remember that word." Her voice was small, fragile. He'd confused her, which was more a relief than anything. Had she reacted differently…

"I misspoke." He backed away from her enough to turn around without bumping into her. "I think that's enough for one night." He quipped suddenly, moving toward the tree line more for effect than necessity.

He blinked his eyes awake and breathed in sharply, lifting his head from where it had been resting against the Dalish woman's skin. She was still resting peacefully. Still finding her way back to the waking world. He stared at her then, as if seeing her for the first time. He heard her breathing shift and her fingers twitched beneath his an instant before she opened her own eyes.

Solas stood quickly. The echoes of her memories still seeping into his thoughts like ghosts. Why had he been able to see it too? Why had it even been there?

"Solas?" Her voice was thick with sleep as she slowly sat up on the chaise.

He needed some air. He needed to think.

He moved out of his living room, throwing open the doors of his terrace and walking out onto the snowy concrete. The wind was bitter cold and bit into his skin, whipping his long hair across his face while snow melted against his skin. His bare feet slowly melted the fallen snow that had gathered on the terrace but he welcomed the frigid temperatures against his feverish skin. He took a long, steadying breath and then another when her voice cut through the night air.

"Solas, what's going on? Are you feeling alright? Are you sick or something?"

 _Tell her to leave. End this now._ He cautioned himself, already scolding himself for taking this much of an interest.

"I think perhaps you should go." He called out, not turning around, even as he heard her footsteps padding across the hardwood floor of his living room and then crushing gently against the fresh snow.

"Solas, what happened back there? You look like you've seen a ghost." She ignored him and came to stand next to him at the balcony railing. She was already starting to shiver and he wanted to go back inside, if only so that she would follow him there where she would be warmer.

"I can't." He murmured.

"Can't what?"

"Do this. I can't help you anymore." He said stiffly, turning to look at her for the first time since he'd walked away.

She could almost see his face shutting down in front of her. His expression was blanking to rigidness and his voice held that flat, evenness that he took on when he was trying to detach himself from the situation.

"What? Why not?" She asked. It was freezing, even through the layers she was wearing. She was hugging herself to try to keep the heat concentrated around her important organs, but she was getting close to hopping from foot to foot to keep her toes from freezing solid. Solas seemed unaffected by the cold.

"You have a sufficient grasp of the process now. I think you will be able to continue to make progress on your own." His voice had changed. It was so indifferent now, almost cold.

"But how do I get back to the field? How do I find the forest? What if I can't call my magic? What if I get lost? Solas, I can't do this by myself." She was searching his face for some inkling that she was getting through to him. That maybe, he would change his mind.

"Yes, you can." He said simply.

"Did I do something wrong?" Her voice was small, quiet.

"No, of course not."

Elera felt her face scrunch up in anger. It filled her fast and without warning, but she clung to it as if it was a flame that could stave off the bitter cold.

"Then what the hell?" She was gritting her teeth to keep them from chattering. "You send me text messages all week, so eager to help me again, and now you're just going to walk away? That's it? And you're not even going to tell me why?"

"I can't."

"Yeah, you said that already. Not good enough, Solas." She poked a finger at his chest. It was hard beneath her touch, like there was nothing but firm muscle beneath his clothes. Elera sucked in a breath. "Something happened back there and you're not saying. What was it you called me, Veh… _Vhenan_ was it?"

"I told you, I misspoke." He murmured, his eyes like steel.

"Bullshit!" She fired back, pushing him solidly with the flat of her palm. "What does it mean? Why did you call me that?" She demanded, her hand going out to shove at him again, but this time he caught her at the wrist, stopping the motion before she'd completed it. She stumbled from the shift in momentum and found herself suddenly too close to the other elf.

"I never meant to hurt you." He said, and she saw the shift in his eyes. That infinite sadness returning to turn his blue eyes into storm clouds of gray. The words sounded so familiar. Her skin was tingling where he held it and she wasn't sure if it was from his touch or from the freezing air.

"You didn't. I just want to know what's going on." She probed gently, stepping into him, daring his resolve just a little bit more.

"We shouldn't continue. It will be better for you in the end." Again she felt the strangest sense of déjà vu come over her, like she'd been here before. His voice had softened, like the look in his eyes.

"Why is that your decision to make?" She asked, wringing her wrist out of his grasp. He gave her nothing but eyes that could hold everything and nothing in their depths. "Fine!" She huffed, pushing away from him. "You want me to leave. Fine. Sorry to have troubled you." Elera turned, frustrated and furious, but Solas was like an immovable fortress and she lacked the tools to siege his walls. She was tired and confused and upset.

And his hand was suddenly around her wrist again. She felt him tug, felt herself whirling back around, her hands flying up to brace herself. The wrist he held was pinned between them and she was pinned against him as his free hand held her at the small of her back. There was no time to react, to protest, even if she'd wanted to. His lips were a crushing thing against her mouth, stealing her very breath. She felt herself relax into his arms as instinct took her and she kissed him back like a drowning woman tasting air for the first time. Her eyes closed as she melted against him, warmth spreading through her like a hand, and she could no longer feel the bite of winter against her skin.

Elera didn't realize how badly she'd wanted to feel his lips against her own since she'd braved that first kiss. The demanding force of his mouth as it moved, exploring with teeth and tongue, undid every thought in her head and for a moment left only the emotions it stirred within her. Old, familiar feelings. Like she'd done this before. Been here, like this, before. _With him._

Something stirred in her mind. A flicker of memory. A ripple in a sea of lost dreams. She felt it drifting to the forefront of her mind, translating what had been foreign to her only a moment ago.

She knew what it meant.

 _Vhenan._

 _Heart._


	16. Deft Hands

The hand he wasn't holding snaked up between them to slide behind his neck. She felt his hair brush against her skin and it was soft and slightly damp with the melting snow. Elera made a small sound in her throat as the kiss deepened to something urgent. She bit gently at his lower lip and was rewarded with a demanding sound from the elf holding her fast against him. He kissed her as if he could crawl inside her, feeding from her mouth and her soft keening sounds of desire.

Elera felt herself moving, but she had little control over the direction. She felt the air shift as they passed back into the apartment. She was sliding her frozen feet along the hardwood floor as Solas led her backwards through the main room. Her hand was tangled in his hair, holding fast to the back of his neck as he kissed her with tongue and teeth like it might be the last time he would taste her.

She felt the solid brush of furniture behind her and with Solas still driving them forward, she had no choice but to buckle and fall backwards onto whatever it was he'd directed them to. Solas let go of the hand he'd been holding to brace their descent onto the chaise. Elera immediately found something to hold as her now free hand slid up to join the first behind his neck. The cushions were a gentle press beneath her as Solas nestled himself above her. She felt his knee slide between her legs and she eagerly parted them to make room for the elf.

Her hands moved to grip the hem of his sweater and pull it over his head. If he'd wanted the garment to stay in place, she'd have never peeled it off, but Solas rose up enough to help her with the unwanted article of clothing, effectively discarding it to the floor. Elera made a little sound of frustration to see that there was another shirt hiding beneath the sweater and her fingers went to the hem of the new textile but Solas lowered his body back down before she could complete the motion, effectively pinning her hands between them. She started to protest when he claimed her mouth again, turning whatever she had been about to say into a soft moan against his lips.

Elera, instead, resigned to slip her hands beneath his shirt, feeling the smooth skin beneath it. He was warm against her hands. Her fingers found each dip, each ripple in his abdomen and she slowly made her way down to touch the edge of his pants. She found the belt and made short work of the buckle, letting it hang open before moving on to the button. Solas broke away from her mouth in a breathless huff as she coaxed the zipper down.

"Maybe we sh—" He began but Elera slid her hand down into his loosened jeans and he stammered.

"No more words." She murmured against his mouth as her hand found him hard and ready beneath the confines of the denim.

Solas made a sound that was half growl and half groan as he kissed her roughly before rising up and leaning back enough that she could no longer reach. His hands were expert and precise in unfastening the button and pulling down the zipper of her jeans before he began to peel off the denim she seemed to be poured into. He stopped with the waist of her pants folded halfway down her legs and began tracing lines up the flesh he'd exposed with his long fingers. Elera wriggled as his subtle caresses prickled gooseflesh along her skin. He'd effectively trapped her with her own jeans and she couldn't seem to open her legs with the material bunched around her knees.

Solas' eyes darkened into something hungry and primal as his fingertips made their way up her thighs. She could feel little arcs of electricity zinging across her skin and she could taste the faint tannin of magic on her tongue. It was as if he were creating little shocks of static electricity wherever his fingers graze and Elera felt her breath catch as he brushed his knuckles across the triangle of fabric between her legs.

Her mouth went dry and she licked her lips to moisten them as she gazed down the length of her body to the creature nestled so very close to the most intimate parts of her. Solas watched her expression curiously as he slipped his hand into her panties. Her breath whooshed out in a sigh and she swallowed hard as he cupped her before his middle finger slid even lower. She felt those same little static charges tickling her skin and she fought the urge to jump beneath them.

His fingertips slid over her in slow circles until she began to writhe beneath his touch. Her breath quickened as heat began to spread from the center of her. A pressure, hot and urgent began to build, starting as a dull ache and growing into something almost painful. She wanted to spread her legs, to urge him further, to give him a better angle, but she couldn't with her jeans tying her down. She made small, breathy sounds at first, but they deepened into something heady and loud as he continued to work her beneath his skilled fingertips.

She cried out, feeling herself teetering so close to that shining edge of pleasure, and there was a sound like wood splintering as the front door burst open.

"Hands where I can see them!" Cassandra's voice boomed into the room. There was a distinct pop of magic springing to life around them and Elera sat up so fast she felt dizzy.

She felt Solas move his hand and she couldn't keep the little sound from escaping her mouth as he did. The barest edge of a smirk touched his handsome face as he lifted his hands, palms out toward Cassandra. Elera could see the faintest blue light shimmering against his skin and she saw it on her own as well. In fact, there was a bubble of iridescent green surrounding the chaise as well. Magic had sprang up so fast it had made her ears pop, and it hadn't been _her_ magic.

"Elera! Elera, are you alright?" Cassandra demanded as she crossed into the room and in view of the chaise. She was wearing a little badge with a sunburst eye around her neck and there was what appeared to be some sort of gun in her hands. She had the weapon sighted on Solas as she came into the main room and her expression went from concern and determination to shock in an instant. "What is this?" She choked.

The Dalish elf glanced to Solas and felt her face flame. "Um, what does it look like?" She almost kept a straight face, but it turned into a giggle.

"You think this is funny? This is some kind of a joke to you?" Cassandra was clearly disgusted or offended or both, but Elera had to laugh at the situation. She had literally been caught with her pants down by her roommate, who happened to be a kind of law enforcement. Clearly it was an ill-timed misunderstanding.

Elera heard snickers from nearer to the door and noticed, for the first time, two men who had entered with Cassandra. "You still need us here, Seeker?"

Cassandra's expression hardened. "Yes, _he_ is to be taken into custody."

"What!" Elera exclaimed. "For what?"

"He is an unregistered Mage, for starters." Cassandra said curtly. Elera glanced to Solas, who still had his hands up as he'd been instructed.

"Unregistered?" Elera asked, confused.

Cassandra made a sound in her throat and rolled her eyes. "We don't have time to explain it to you, Elera. Now get up, we're going home."

"No." Elera rebuked.

Cassandra ignored her. "Lower your shield, _mage_."

Solas' voice was calm. "Lower your weapons."

"Not a chance." Cassandra spat and Elera saw the two Templars by the door move. They were outnumbered, and she couldn't be sure if her magic worked as well in the waking world as it did in the Fade.

"Solas?" Her breath was a whisper. This wasn't going to end well.


	17. Trust

"The Seeker did not come with a warrant and if she would simply lower her weapon, I can provide the documentation she claims I do not have." Solas spoke slowly, evenly, his eyes focused on the stern human woman pointing a gun at him.

Elera heard the jingle of metal clanking against itself. One of the Templars had pulled out a set of the tri-ring cuffs. Elera felt fear grip her at the base of her spine. She had been on the receiving end of those cuffs once before. Her magic had dulled to something barely audible beneath her skin. It made her feel incomplete, awkward and neutered.

"Cassandra, why are you doing this?" Elera demanded. Neither she, nor Solas had been afforded the opportunity to collect themselves and she wanted desperately to pull up her pants, especially with how the two humans were sneering at her now. Not that she thought Cassandra would let them do anything, but then, she would have never expected _this_ out of Cassandra either.

"I am trying to keep you safe, Elera. This mage is taking advantage of your situation." Cassandra's gaze hadn't wavered from Solas. Her gun was sighted on him in a stance it seemed the Seeker could hold forever if pressed.

Elera felt her face scrunch up in disgust. "This _mage_ has a name. He's done nothing to me, Cassandra. See for yourself."

The short-haired woman spared her friend a brief glance, but that was all. "I can see that he has been doing plenty with you."

"And what is that supposed to mean? Am I not allowed to choose whom I sleep with? Is that not my choice to make? What gives you the right to decide if I need protection?" Her voice was becoming more panic stricken and shrill as she went on. Cassandra, however, seemed unmoved.

"Elera, you barely know this mage."

" _Solas._ " She corrected. "His name, is Solas."

Cassandra made a rough sound in her throat. "This, _Solas_ , is an apostate, Elera. He is unregistered and unchecked. You have no idea what he may be capable of."

"Apparently, I have no idea of what my _friends_ are capable of either." She hissed, feeling her eyes begin to burn with what felt like a betrayal.

"What kind of shield is this?" One of the Templars asked, his hand hovering slightly over the iridescent green shield. It grew a bit brighter at the nearness of his palm but he avoided touching it directly.

Solas answered without taking his gaze off Cassandra. "One meant to deflect your projectiles, should you choose to shoot us."

"They can do that?" The Templar asked his partner quietly. "I don't think I've ever seen this kind of shield."

Cassandra made a face as if to say, _"See?"_ But Elera was impassive.

"Elera, stop acting like a petulant child." Cassandra growled.

"Then stop treating me like one."

Cassandra huffed a frustrated sigh. "You don't understand what you are saying. If you could remember, you would not say these things. You would not even be here!"

"Then perhaps it's good that I don't remember!" Elera fired back. "Maybe I don't want to remember that person!"

Cassandra's expression softened to one of hurt. "Elera? You don't mean that."

"Don't I?"

"No. You don't." Cassandra answered for her. "You don't even know this man." She motioned to Solas with just her eyes.

"Clearly, I know _you_ even less." Elera blinked too fast, trying to hold the burning in her eyes at bay.

"Elera Lavellan, I am your friend." Cassandra stated defiantly.

"Says the woman pointing a weapon at me."

Elera saw the chink in Cassandra's hard armor. It was slight, and perhaps she had to have known her to have noticed it, but she'd hit a nerve and it ran deep.

"Officer, I have the situation. I will take it from here." Cassandra ordered. The Templars looked at one another briefly before shrugging and taking a step back. Elera watched as the Seeker lowered her weapon slowly and as promised, the green shield began to dissipate around them. Cassandra's eyes remained fixed on Solas as the two Templar Officer's left the apartment. "You can lower your hands." She instructed and Solas did as she instructed resting his palms comfortably on his thighs where Cassandra could still see them.

"If I pull my pants up, are you going to shoot me?" Elera spat.

"No."

The Dalish woman let out a long sigh, partially in relief, and slid her legs out from behind Solas' form. The bare-faced elf never broke eye contact with Cassandra. They were like two animals having a stand-off. Deciding which would be the first to strike and who was strong enough to come out on top. Elera righted her legs over the front of the chaise and pulled the skinny denim back up around her waist.

"You said you had documentation?" Cassandra crossed her arms over her chest. The leather jacket strained ever so slightly along her biceps.

"Yes." Elera marveled at Solas' level of calm. Even when staring down the barrel of a gun, it was as if he were the one in complete control of the situation.

"Well? Are you going to go get it?" Cassandra hissed. Solas gave her only a soft nod and slowly stood from the chaise. His nimble hands refastened his pants and belt as he moved calmly past the Seeker and toward a small bookshelf containing a wooden lockbox on one of its sparser shelves.

Elera watched him move with the grace of a dancer and the poise of a king. The blue light of his magic shimmered every now and again along his skin and she looked down at her own hands to see that same light flickering back. He had covered them in a protection barrier and even after he'd lowered the other shield, had kept the spell in place. She wondered how long it would last. How long could he keep protecting her?

Solas withdrew a small fold of papers and handed them to Cassandra. She shook them out roughly and glanced them over. Her face was pressed into a permanent look of irritation but she looked back at Solas over the documents. "I will need to file these."

Solas nodded. "Of course." He padded back over to Elera and touched the top of her hand with a single index finger. The touch brought the blue light to the surface in a shimmer of light and Elera stifled a shiver. Where would they have been right now if they hadn't been interrupted? If the moment hadn't been ruined completely, would she have felt the heat of his bare skin moving over her body right then?

Elera sighed and smiled sadly at Solas. "I think I need to go." She murmured.

"You don't have to." He offered, but the Dalish shook her head, her eyes flickering back to the Seeker still watching them.

"Yes, I think I do." Elera leaned in and gave him a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth, closing her eyes to etch the feel of his skin into memory.

" _Dareth shiral."_ He whispered against her lips and Elera smiled at the familiar farewell.

She stuffed her feet back into her boots and grabbed her coat and scarf off the little rack near the door. She didn't wait for Cassandra but could feel the Seeker on her heels as she exited the apartment. Elera didn't turn around or stop to talk with the human woman. It wasn't until they were outside and the Dalish elf continued past Cassandra's car that the Seeker spoke up.

"Where are you going?"

"Not with you." Elera growled as her boots crunched into the snow.

"Elera, don't be ridiculous. Come home."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

Cassandra was standing next to her car. "Because I was worried about you? Because I tried to protect you?"

"Because you don't trust me!" Elera shot back, her voice taking on that shrill cadence again.

Cassandra pinched the space between her eyes. "I do trust you, Elera. We have been over this. It's _him_ that I do not trust." She was pointing up to a high point in the building. "He is an apostate, despite what his flimsy documents might say." Cassandra blew out a frustrated sigh. "You don't think it's odd that the same day you wake from your coma, this strange elf shows up with the _magical_ cure to your amnesia? When you can't remember anyone else, you somehow remember his name?"

"Who I choose to be with is not for you to decide, Cassandra."

"I don't care who you're with!" Cassandra groaned. Her voice rose a few notches as she pushed away from her vehicle. "You left a note that said 'went out for coffee'—"

"Exactly, I left you a note!"

"That was five hours ago, Elera! Five!" Cassandra was holding up her hand, fingers splayed to show all of the digits. "You don't text, you don't pick up your phone. I wasn't going to wait around until he had you strung up and bleeding out somewhere!"

Elera opened her mouth and closed it. Had it really been five hours since she'd went out for coffee? It hadn't felt that long, but then, time was skewed in the Fade. She'd lost track and when they'd awoke…well, she'd lost track then too.

The Dalish elf tried twice before she found her voice again. "I need some space, Cassandra."

"Where will you go? It's freezing out." Her breath blew out in a cloud of white.

"Don't follow me." She cautioned, turning away from the human woman that called herself her friend.

"Elera!" Cassandra called, but didn't move. "Elera, you don't know what the world is like. You don't remember!"

But Elera was already too far away to turn back and she wasn't about to. Even if she had a sinking feeling knotting in her stomach. Even if she felt the truth of Cassandra's words ringing in her bones. Even as she muttered beneath her breath, "I think I do…"


	18. Provoked

Cassandra hadn't been wrong about the cold. It was freezing out.

Elera tucked her hands under her arms trying to warm them. She was wishing she'd listened to Dorian and had invested in a pair of gloves right about now. It wasn't so bad until the wind started to blow, and then it was like sheets of icy glass cut right through her. The cold breeze would bite at her nose and burn her eyes and leave the tips of her ears numb. She'd wanted some space. She'd needed room to think, but now Elera was wondering if she could have done it inside her room instead.

What was Cassandra's problem anyway? She was supposed to be her friend, wasn't she? Friends didn't barge in on friends just because they didn't check in. Friends didn't embarrass friends in front of lovers because they had a _bad feeling_ about said lover. Friends were supposed to support one another. Friends were supposed to trust one another. Right? RIGHT?

Elera sighed and it fogged up the air around her face in a puff of white. She'd been walking in a straight line for what felt like hours. She'd kept her head down and her eyes on the powder white snow on the ground as she trudged through it. She wasn't entirely sure where she'd gone, but the picturesque, almost quaint little buildings of Haven had given way to dark, narrow alleys and crumbling infrastructure. At this point, she wasn't even sure if she was still in Haven.

There were few streetlights to guide her but the moon was large and full overhead. The pale, almost bluish light cast long shadows over the dilapidated area of town the elf had wandered into. It made for an eerie scene. The streets were quiet and lonely. It seemed almost fitting to the Dalish elf.

Elera noticed a small, forgotten playground off to her left. She almost smiled absently to herself as she made her way toward it. It was hardly a proper place for children to play. There wasn't even a fence surrounding the old, rusting fixtures. The metal slide was covered in snow and ice. The merry-go-round was equally buried in the white powder and Elera had to wonder when the last time a child had played on anything in this poor excuse for a happy place.

The Dalish woman went over to the small set of swings and pushed the lump of collected snow from one of them. The chains suspending the swing creaked and groaned as she settled onto the black, rubber seat. Elera used her feet to push her weight back and into a slow swing. At first her boots caught against the build-up of snow beneath the swing, but after a few passes she had dug a little trench and stood up to push off again, this time, with a little more momentum. The chains were freezing where her bare fingers clung to them, but she tried to ignore the almost burning sensation of the cold numbing her hands. She swung herself back and forth, tilting her head back to gaze up at the sky and the stars beyond it. There was an almost weightless sensation that came with staring skyward and she breathed deeply, trying desperately to calm her restless thoughts.

So much had happened in such a short span of time. It was enough to send her mind spiraling. Between losing her memories and everything that had happened with Solas. She wasn't sure which way was up anymore.

Perhaps the most frightening thing of all was the truth that she'd felt in Cassandra's warning. There was something about Solas. Something that both excited and scared the hell out of her. The way he looked at her sometimes, as if he saw someone else standing there, or _something_ else. As if he knew a secret he dared not share. As if he could see the beginning and the end and everything in between in her eyes. There was such a weight to his gaze. She wanted to be comforted and consumed all in the same instant. She wanted to know everything about him and at the same time, felt like she, somehow, already knew too much. It made Elera's chest hurt just thinking about it.

"Who's over there?" A voice called out across the street. Elera's head snapped back to face forward. A wave of dizziness came over her as she reoriented herself just as a bright, bluish light blinded her vision. The elf stopped her swinging with an unsteady foot on the ground and brought a single arm up to block the spotlight blasting into her eyes.

"You there! What are you doing over there?" The voice pressed, sounding closer than before. Elera could hear heavy boots crunching through the snow, but it sounded like more than one pair. With the bright light obscuring her vision it was hard to make out the figures as they approached. "Oi, I asked you a question. You deaf or somethin'?"

"Just swinging. I'm just swinging." Elera blurted, still squinting against the light. "Am I on private property or something? It's no trouble, I'll leave."

The light lowered to the ground and for the first time, Elera saw the two men holding the absurdly bright flashlight. Their uniforms would have given them away anywhere. The blazing sword emblem on their badges branding them Templars.

"It's awful late to be playing on a playground, don't you think?" The second officer said. He seemed younger than the one holding the flashlight.

"Is this private property?" Elera asked again. "I didn't realize it was illegal to play on a playground."

The light shot up into her eyes suddenly. The first Templar closing the distance between them in two short strides. "Are you getting smart with me? Hm?"

Elera drew back as much as she was able in the swing. Her face scrunching up into something ugly. The Templar smelled like cigarettes and cheap cologne.

"Alright, let's see your identification." The younger Templar asked.

"What? Why? What did I do?" Elera asked indignantly.

"Probably doesn't even have one." The flashlight wielding Templar sneered. "Look at her. Fucking face is covered in that elf shit." He reached out with his large fingered hand and pushed her hair back roughly, exposing one long, pointed ear. "She's one of them Dalish, probably an illegal." He grunted.

Elera jerked back and stood. "Get your fucking hands off me!" She hissed.

The older Templar smiled and Elera didn't like the way he was looking at her. It made her skin crawl. "Ever fucked an elf?" He asked his partner. "Asses are a bit boney, but their ears make for a nice handle when you've got your cock buried down their throats."

Elera felt bile rise in her throat. "I'll leave." She took a step back when she heard the unfastening of a pistol holster. The senior officer was licking his lips and the younger Templar had a strange, darkness filling his bright blue eyes.

"Ah, but see, we don't want you to leave just yet."

Elera started to reach into a pocket, but the gun was out and aimed before she could so much as get her fingers into the fabric. "Ah, ah, ah." The Templar tsked. Elera felt a fine tremble begin at the base of her spine. It raced along her skin until her hands shook uncontrollably. "Hands where we can all see them, eh."

Elera slowly removed her hands and held them up, palms out. "Please." She said softly. The human with the gun grinned and she didn't like the look in his eyes.

"I see we've dropped the tough girl act. That's nice. That's real nice." He motioned with his head for the second Templar to move closer. "Now, why don't you be nice to my partner here? See, he's never been with a knife eared girl before. Show him some of that elven hospitality, eh? Maybe show me some too, and maybe, just maybe, we'll let you off with a warning."

Elera's blood ran icy. She glanced around quickly. There was no one else in the small park. No lights on in any buildings. Hardly any sounds aside from the occasional car and even then, they were too far from the road for a passerby to even realize what was going on. No one was going to help her. No one was coming to her rescue now. Suddenly, she wanted to cry. Why hadn't she gone with Cassandra? Why had she been so stubborn?

She focused her attention on the younger Templar. "Please, don't do this. You don't have to do this." She urged.

"Of course he does." The other officer chided. Elera heard the safety of the gun switch off. The younger Templar drew closer. He was biting his lower lip, as if he were nervous, but his eyes were dark and predatory.

Elera swallowed hard as his fingertips touched some of the loose strands of her hair. He rolled them between his fingers like he was letting water flow through his hands. He was entirely too close. Completely invading her personal space. His breath smelled sickly sweet, like bubble gum. His hair gel was something acrid burned the elf's nose when she inhaled.

"Please." She pleaded softly, hoping to at least reach the younger officer. Hoping that he, at least, still had some humanity left in him.

"You know, you're probably almost pretty under all those tattoos." The young human murmured. He leaned in for a kiss and Elera turned her face away, a disgusted sound escaping her lips. She debated the strength of her magic. How much had come back to her? Could she call it and control it the say way she could in the fade? Did she even remember how to cast a barrier? Would it stop a bullet?

She felt the Templars hands grip her biceps and roughly pull her against him. "C'mon, you're supposed to be nice." He cooed and lunged for another kiss. Elera screamed. She tried to avoid his mouth as he licked and smeared his lips across her face. His hand fisted in her hair and she cried out as he pulled her hair so hard she felt her scalp burn. His mouth was hot as he forced her lips against his, tongue driving into her mouth. Elera didn't think twice about biting down, she was just suddenly clenching her teeth until she tasted blood in her mouth.

Her ears rang and her vision spotted when he struck her in retaliation. "Fucking bitch!" He spit blood onto the ground, staining the snow in a bright spray of crimson. Elera felt her jaw numbing and she worried it might be broken. She backed up and fell over the swing and into the slow. The elf scrambled onto her feet as the Templars converged. Her fingertips tingled and itched as magic raced wild and fast along her skin. The tips of her hair began to float and it was then, for the first time, she saw the hesitation in the Templars eyes.

"Fuck, she's a mage."

"Even better." The younger Templar took out a pair of nullifying cuffs. "What are you casting, bitch?"

Elera could still taste his blood in her mouth. It was bitter and pungent and she wanted to burn it up until it was just ashes on her tongue. She wanted to burn the human before her from the inside out. Wanted him to watch his skin bubble as his blood boiled beneath it. Wanted to see the agony in his bright blue eyes as he incinerated from within.

The young Templar doubled over suddenly. "Stop her!" He cried out to his partner.

"I—I can't. I don't know what she's doing!" The older Templar shouted.

Elera watched the young man writhe and scream an instant before she heard the bullet wiz past her ear, snapping her free of her trance. She blinked at the second Templar a heartbeat before he fired again. She took a sharp breath in, bracing for the pain of the inevitable bullet that was aimed for her chest. She felt a strange sensation move through her, but it wasn't pain.

"Fuck me, where'd she go?" The Templar shouted. Elera opened her eyes, not realizing she'd closed them. Her surroundings were edged in a faint haze as if they weren't quite tangible. She wasn't certain what she'd done, but she didn't wait to find out.

She ran.

Her lungs burned, her hands itched, pain lanced through her feet with each stride, reminding her that her legs had all but gone numb to the cold. She raced across the concrete park and toward the road, the snow making her slow and the ice causing her to stumble and skid on unsteady legs. She saw headlights coming up behind her and she prepared to surrender to angry Templars, certain the two she'd left at the playground had called backup. There were no flashing lights, though. No sirens. Only…

" _Vhenan!_ "

"Solas?" Elera breathed his name into a cloud of white in front of her before spinning to look at the oncoming car.

The elven mage had his window rolled down, his head hanging slightly out of it to call out to her. "Elera!"

She wanted to cry. As his car rolled to a stop so that she could climb in, it took everything she had not to burst into tears. She closed the door and sank down into the seat. It was heated and the warmth almost ached against her frozen body.

"I saw that you did not go with the Seeker." He said, rolling up his window with the press of a button. They were sitting idle in the middle of the street. Elera didn't speak. She wasn't sure if she could yet. "I thought perhaps…" He didn't finish his sentence. "Are you alright?" He shifted suddenly.

Elera swallowed the hard lump in her throat. She would not cry. She would not. She tried not to think about the specifics of Solas suddenly showing up to her rescue. The likelihood of him finding her. The all-too-convenient timing. She just couldn't deal with it. Not now. Not right now.

"Just drive." She whispered, afraid, suddenly, of even her own voice.


	19. Roadtrip

There was music playing softly, distantly. It was gentle and coaxing and full of strings. She felt warmth cradling her like a glove. She was warm and the music was so pleasant. She felt herself smiling even before she opened her eyes against the soft spill of golden light. The sun was rising just over the horizon. Its bright, almost blinding light lit the snowy fields up like they were made of diamonds.

"You're awake." Solas' voice was close and Elera jerked a little too quickly toward the sound. "It's alright." The other elf said gently, raising a hand to still her.

They were still inside his car. Still driving. She wasn't sure how long they'd been driving, or when she'd nodded off, but any semblance of a city or town had long since given way to rolling hills and wide fields of scenery. She almost felt as if the car were driving at an incline. Like they were slowly climbing a mountain.

"How long have I been asleep?" She asked, voice still a little thick with sleep.

"An hour or so." Solas replied, his eyes focused on the road.

Elera sat up a little straighter in her seat, adjusting the safety belt across her chest. She scanned the roomie interior of the vehicle. Noting the stereo console and its large display screen showing the names of the songs playing softly in the background, as well as the time, date and temperature. She found it interesting that there was no GPS displayed. Which meant Solas knew where they were going, right?

"We're nearly there." Solas commented absently. Elera took in a deep breath, resisting the urge to stretch. Instead she rolled her head from side to side in an effort to work the crook out of it.

"Where are we going?" She asked, her eyes scanning the outlying landscape. It was mostly just snow covered hills and tree lines. She could see the occasional drop off come up as they gained elevation. Where ever it was, it had to be high up.

"You'll see." Was all he gave as an answer. He never took his eyes off the road and Elera left it well enough alone. After all, he had said they were nearly there.

The winding highway continued to climb up and through the Frostback Mountains and Solas kept the car on the main road until it split for an exit. Elera didn't notice any signs showing a place they could stop for fuel or food if need be and she thought that was almost strange. Shouldn't there have been some civilization if they were so close to a highway? Solas took the exit down into a stretch of road surrounded by snow covered trees and rocky slopes until veering off onto an unmarked street that had no asphalt at all. The car bounced and shook as they took the dirt road until it ended at the edge of a forest. Solas killed the engine and unfastened his seat belt.

"I took the liberty at the last station to grab a few provisions while fueling up." He said, reaching into the backseat for a small plastic bag. He withdrew a pair of knit gloves and a matching beanie. They were hideous; tie-dye with little kitten paws dotting them in a ridiculous pattern. Elera stared at the accessories as Solas handed them over. "There were few choices." He admonished and Elera gave him a weak smile.

"It's okay. We just won't tell Dorian I wore these. He'd never let me live it down."

Solas studied her face. There was some soft bruising blossoming on her cheek and down her jaw and he was almost certain he saw the remnants of blood at the corner of her mouth. Elera squirmed a little under his perceptive gaze and smiled sheepishly as she unfastened her own seat belt.

"Well, I guess we're getting out then?" She said, pulling the hat over her ears. She wished she had a pair of scissors to make her ears a little more comfortable, but she'd manage.

"Are you alright?" Solas asked suddenly. Elera stilled with one hand wiggling into the soft gloves. Truthfully, her jaw ached and her head pounded like she'd been hit by a truck, but those were physical wounds she could get over. The rest, well, she'd have to push all that down and bury it for another time.

"I'll live." She murmured, stuffing her other hand into the last glove. She felt a soft touch against her cheek suddenly and she jerked away. Solas held his hand up, palm out, curling his fingers in at her rejection.

"I'm sorry." His brows knit together in concern and Elera relaxed back into her seat. She hadn't meant to react that way. "May I?" Solas asked gently and the Dalish elf licked her lips before nodding once.

When he reached out the second time, she didn't shy away. His fingers were cool against her aching skin and she let him slide his palm up until he cradled her cheek in his hand. She'd almost closed her eyes against the welcome feel of his touch when she noticed the faint, bluish light shimmering to life in his hand. She felt warmth spread out from his skin and to hers. It tingled along her cheek and up to her temple, easing the pain throbbing beneath the surface until it was little more than a memory. She could have almost watched the magic crawl along her skin in tendrils of light, but she closed her eyes against the pleasant sensations and a memory filled the space behind her eyes.

 _Warm light. Magic like dancing water over her skin. It seeped into her pores and lifted the ink buried beneath the surface. It lifted a lifetimes worth of misunderstandings and misplaced hatred up and into its bright, bluish light. She felt a weight rising off of her as the magic tugged gently at the loose tendrils of her hair and finally dissipated into the air._

 _"Ar lasa mala revas."_

She opened her eyes and exhaled in a huff, as if she'd just been holding her breath.

"I'm sorry?" Solas was gazing at her with questioning eyes and Elera could only blink at him dumbly.

"Uh, what?" She asked, unsure of exactly what had just happened.

"Are you well?"

She thought about it for a moment. Her jaw and head weren't hurting anymore. Elera nodded. "Yeah, I think so. Why?"

Solas' eyes narrowed a little, but the inquisitive look never left his face. "You said something strange just now, that's all."

Elera lifted an eyebrow. "What did I say?"

The bare-faced elf's face softened and he shook the thought away with a slight smile. "It doesn't matter." He opened his door, the warmth inside the car rushing out into the brisk morning air almost instantly. "Come."

The Dalish woman let herself out of the car and closed the door. Solas locked the vehicle and stuffed the keys deep into a pocket before slinging a small backpack over his shoulder. Elera shivered against the cold and tugged her coat a little closer, suddenly very grateful for the hideous hat and gloves now covering her extremities.

"Alright, lead on." She gestured and Solas made a minute adjustment to his scarf before starting off toward the trees.


	20. Tarasyl'an Te'las

An hour. They had been hiking for at least an hour. In the snow. On a mountain. Elera couldn't feel her nose anymore. She was clutching her coat around herself even though it was already zipped and buttoned shut, as if she could get it closer to her body and maybe squeeze a little more warmth out of it. Solas, on the other hand, seemed unmoved by the frigid temperatures. He pressed on just ahead of her. His eyes scanning the horizon for whatever it was they were headed toward.

"Are we close?" Elera asked. She must have asked the same thing a dozen times.

"We're nearly there." It was how he'd answered her the last two times she'd asked. She was starting to wonder if they were headed anywhere at all or just in circles. She kept expecting the car to reappear at any moment like some cruel joke.

Elera huffed out a sigh of white air. The sun was rising fully now but even its bright, warmth couldn't seem to penetrate the cold passing through the mountains. The Dalish elf wasn't sure she wanted to know where they were going. Hell, she wasn't even sure she wanted to get there. In fact, at this point, she was almost hoping they were going in circles. The heater inside the Prius was a much more appealing idea right about now.

"Up here." Solas called. He was standing on top of a snowy hill. Elera couldn't see over it from where she was standing, but she couldn't imagine there was anything else to see other than more snow. She struggled and leaned into the incline of the hill to scale it, expecting to see nothing but some snowy valley or frozen lake beyond. When she reached the precipice of the hill and stood next to the elven man she felt her breath catch in her throat.

"No way." She uttered absently. Her eyes tried to make sense of the marvel she was seeing, but it still seemed almost unbelievable. Clouds seemed to touch its battlements, almost hiding it in plain sight. The snow that covered the mountain sides and deep valleys surrounding it couldn't seem to touch its magnificent walls. A castle…no, a fortress, stood at the end of the mountain pass. Untouched. Unclaimed. Hidden away from the world. "Impossible." Elera breathed the only word she could think of to describe what she was seeing.

"I assure you, it is quite real." Solas murmured. "Would you like to see for yourself?"

Elera looked at him then. "You mean like, go inside?"

Solas nodded. "The path to the front gates is just over there." He pointed to a place slightly down and to the left of them.

"We're allowed to do that?" Elera wasn't sure why she'd asked such a silly question, but it seemed insane that this place wasn't some sort of historical site or museum.

"Who's to stop us?" Solas shrugged, the inklings of a smile wrinkling the edge of his eyes

Elera swallowed her excitement and anxiety and continued to follow the other elf as he led her down and toward the massive fortress. However, the path toward the front gates was longer than it had seemed on the hill. The Dalish elf hadn't realized how briskly she'd been walking until they reached the towering arches that led inside the ancient structure. Her lungs burned from the cold as she fought to draw air into her winded body and she had to pause a moment before really taking it all in.

It was built into the very mountains that surrounded them. The stones worn smooth over time, but the beauty of the fortress remained untouched. Elera gazed up and around in wonder, feeling a strange sensation come over her. It was almost like déjà vu, but different.

"Are you coming inside?" Solas asked from just across the gates, which were surprisingly left open. Elera couldn't believe a place like this existed, untouched, let alone had its doors wide open. She nodded quickly and rushed over the threshold to catch up to Solas.

Inside, the fortress was a marvel. Trees were flourishing, little pockets of wildflowers sprang up in defiance of the cold, vines of rich ivy crept along the battlements and decorated the forgotten ruins in pops of color. In fact, there was hardly even a dusting of frost within the protection of the battlements. The outside structure had been ridged and powerful, but the interior of the stronghold told a different story. The stone buildings remained intact, but Elera could make out lost structures amongst the crumbling foundations outlined within the fortress.

Elera's fingertips began to itch. The little hairs at the nape of her neck were standing on end. There was magic here. It crept along her skin as if it wanted to find out what she was. No, not what she was. It was as if it remembered her.

"What. Is. This. Place?" She punctuated each word as she spun from corner to corner, staring in wonderment.

"It was once called, _Tarasyl'an Te'las_." The elvish phrase unfurled from Solas' lips in perfect enunciation, but it meant nothing to the Dalish woman. " _The place where the sky was held back._ " He translated for her and she smiled, gazing upwards to the morning sky that seemed almost touchable from where they stood.

"So it's elvish?" She asked, curious.

Solas smiled softly, his hands laced behind his back. "That is just one of the names this place has had." Once again, he found a way to answer without really answering. Elera let it go and instead, made her way deeper into the keep.

"How hasn't this place been turned into a museum or something?" She asked as she reached an impossible staircase. She tested the first step with her boot and was amazed to find that it wasn't even slick with black ice. How was this place not covered in snow? Elera gazed back at Solas. "Are you like, the head of some historical society?"

"No." Simply stated.

Elera frowned. "Ah, I see. Then you must be an evil mastermind and this is your hidden base or something, right?"

That almost earned her a smile from him. _Almost._ "A colorful idea, but no."

"I don't get it. How is it that you even know about this place? How is it no one else has heard of it? I mean, the sky is full of satellites now and this place is on a mountain!" Elera shook her head and started up the staircase.

"You, of all people, should know by now that there are some things in this world which defy explanation." There was a hint of teasing in his voice and Elera smiled as she trudged up the steps.

"And you knowing about a magical castle in the sky is one of those?" She prodded, glancing back over her shoulder to flash him a look. Instead, she missed a step and stumbled backwards and into his very capable arms. The air whooshed out of her lungs as she gasped in expectation of the fall that never came. "Wow, you'd think they could have put a bannister on this thing." She joked, but her voice was shaky. Solas smiled briefly and Elera adjusted her balance. "Sorry about that."

"No problem." He murmured and Elera swallowed hard at the nearness of him suddenly. She cleared her throat and faced forward again, finishing the last few steps up to the landing. Another wave of déjà vu came over her and she exhaled a trembling sigh. The arching doorway towered over her and above it, a balcony draped with ivy. "Time has claimed much of what once was, but it is still a magnificent place is it not?" Solas asked as he came to stand beside her. Elera could only manage to nod as she gazed into the great hall before her.

"It's so strange…" Her voice was soft as she stepped over the rubble at the door and into the grand space. The ceilings were high and even though there seemed to be rubble and ruin all around, there was something awe inspiring about the vast room they'd just stepped into. As if this were the center of it all. There were sets of short steps at the end of the great hall and what appeared to once be windows, though most of the glass was now absent from the tall, arching frames. There were several archways on either side of the hall. Elera assumed they had once been doors, but wood could scarcely hope to hold up after so long, but the stones remained to paint enough of a picture for the Dalish woman. Some of the doorways were blocked by wreckage, but others gave way to dark hallways or dim rooms with more ruin inside.

Elera felt Solas slide up beside her and she finished her sentence then. "I feel like I've seen this place before."

"Oh?" He made it a question.

"Yeah, in a dream or something. Isn't that odd?" She didn't look at him as she asked, suddenly drawn to a glint reflecting off a nearby wall. Elera approached the spot and started to reach out with her gloved hand but hesitated. She removed the colorful cloth covering her hand and touched the stone with her fingertips. The stone was smooth and cold. Too smooth to be stone. Too polished. Elera tapped it with the edge of her fingernail and it sang a little metallic tune for her. "This is metal?" She muttered, gazing more closely at the spot she'd come to inspect. The metal vein seemed to run down the wall for a couple feet and the stone seemed darker here, scorched even. She took a few steps back from the wall and stared at it again, suddenly able to see what the metal had once been before being melted into the stone itself. "A sword?" She whispered it.

Elera turned and looked around the space once more, finding that things appeared a little different upon a second inspection. Scorch marks marred the floor, ceiling and walls in various places. The windows hadn't crumbled with age, they had been blown out with a force from within. In the corner of the hall, at the uppermost set of short steps, there was a strange, twisted piece of rubble blocking another doorway. Elera could just make out what appeared to be a seat amongst all that stone and metal forever warped together. It looked like a throne, or had at one time.

She looked at Solas, who had remained motionless in the center of the room. "What happened here?" She asked, that prickle of power suddenly tickling the back of her neck again.

"A great many things." Solas answered, or rather, didn't answer.

"There are scorch marks. A sword has been melted into that wall over there and that," she pointed to the corner room. "used to be a throne. Was there a battle here?"

Solas opened his mouth and closed it. His eyes scanned the vast, empty room, but as Elera tried to focus on what he was seeing she realized that he was looking at something she couldn't.

"Solas, what aren't you telling me?"

"Yes." He barely breathed the answer.

"Yes what?" She pressed.

"There was a battle. A quiet war, fought over years in secret, and then finally…" He turned his head just a little, his eyes inclining toward a room to his right. "…it ended here. In this place."

Elera followed his gaze and stepped over a fallen statue of marble and silverite to enter the room. It was a rotunda. A perfectly circular tower that spanned at least three floors. Elera exhaled in a sound of awe as she stared up and up, feeling almost dizzy. There was a hole in the roof and she could hear birds adjusting their winds from somewhere in the disheveled rafters. On the ground floor, the stone was crumbling. The walls bore the distinct signs of battle damage. A hole in one section of wall, a deep scar carved into another, a floor made black from soot and ash. There was so little left of what seemed like it had once been a beautiful space. The walls were marred with the deep wounds of magic misused.

Elera's chest felt tight as she scanned the room. Pain lanced through her from somewhere unknown. Not physical pain. Emotion filled her until she couldn't breathe and she braced her hand against a nearby wall as she doubled over. Magic tingled over her skin. She felt it kissing her palm where it touched the stones. It raised every hair on her body, prickled gooseflesh along her skin and tore a ragged sigh from her lungs. She saw light blinding her vision, felt the heat of flames licking at her skin, rage and betrayal and an emptiness so vast it pained her to feel it. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and she cried out as she let go of the stone and spun around.

"Elera?" Solas was searching her face. His brows knit together in concern.

She licked her lips and swallowed convulsively. "W-why?" She uttered. Her eyes flickering back to the enchanted stone she'd touched. She thought she could see paint beneath the scorched surface. "Why did you bring me here?" She accused.

"Forgive me. I did not wish to cause you pain." Solas apologized, claiming the distance she'd put between them. "I thought, perhaps, you needed a bit of solitude. After last night…" he tried twice to finish his sentence and abandoned it.

"…last night?" Elera probed, urging him to finish what he'd started to say. Her voice was a little more sure now, a little more steady.

Solas met her gaze solidly, his expression firm. "Cannot happen again." His voice was curt and felt like a slap to the Dalish elf.

"What?" She asked. The shift had been so sudden she felt dazed by it. "Are we back to this now?"

"I sought to clear my head. To clear _both_ our heads really. I thought perhaps the magics remaining here could help."

So there _was_ magic here. Elere knew she'd felt it when they'd first stepped in. She'd felt it in the air and just now, buried deep inside the very stones that built this place.

"You come here a lot?" She asked quietly.

"From time to time. I find its solitude comforting. A place to reflect and dream, far away from the noise and hypocrisy of civilization. A place almost as forgotten as the magic inside of it."

"And you thought you'd bring me here for what? A romantic intervention?" She accused.

"Elera,"

"No." She held up her hand, shaking her head slightly. "You know what. I don't want to know. I don't. It's fine." Her eyes looked up and met his much bluer ones. "I like you Solas and I think you like me too, but you're clearly hung up on something or someone and I just don't have the energy to struggle with getting my memories back _and_ pursuing something you apparently don't want from me."

The bare faced elf opened his mouth and tried twice before speaking. "I am sorry, Elera. I did not bring you here to hurt you."

She shrugged. "Yeah, well, best laid plans right?"

"I would still like to help you regain your memories." He offered softly.

"Yeah, I'd like that too." She breathed, feeling a bit deflated and now, exhausted from the rush of magic she'd experienced from the fortress. "As friends?" She prompted and that earned her the first earnest smile she'd seen from the other elf in what felt like a while.

"Yes. Friends."


	21. Just Friends?

"Friends! Just friends?"

"That _is_ what I said."

"Not, friends with benefits at least? Just… _friends_?" Dorian sounded more disgusted that usual. They were sitting across from one another on her bed. Elera had spent the last hour catching him up on the current events of her life while she put the finishing touches on the Satinalia presents she'd made for everyone.

"You make it sound like a death sentence." She smiled, not looking up at the Tevinter as she carefully pulled a bit of ribbon taught across a small, brightly wrapped box.

"It might as well be." Dorian groaned.

"Well, what was I supposed to do? He clearly has commitment issues or something."

"He didn't seem to have those issues when he had his hand down your panties." The other mage chided and Elera felt the blush creeping all the way up to the tips of her pointed ears. The sensory memory of Solas' long, skilled fingertips tracing small circles over her most intimate of places was enough to make her shudder. She squirmed a little where she sat as if she could will her body to forget those little arcs of electricity that nearly drove her over the edge.

"Stop it." She huffed at Dorian as she looped the ribbon into a bow.

"What? You're the one blushing here." Dorian teased and Elera threw a little stick-on bow at him, which he promptly caught and placed the gold decoration on his head. Elera giggled and went back to her gift wrapping.

"Well, he just thinks that was some sort of moment of weakness, I'm sure."

Dorian made a disgusted sound in his throat. "You make him sound like a weak Chantry brother. They're all, _no, no, I can't give into temptation_." Dorian made his voice high and dramatic as he did his impersonation. "The next thing you know they've got your pants around your ankles in the confession box."

"Oh my." The Dalish woman's eyebrows rose, but her friend merely flashed her a wicked smile.

"That's what he said."

The two laughed and for a moment there was a calm silence between them. Elera finished a couple more boxes of similar size and Dorian seemed to be picking at threads on her comforter. She loved that they could just sit in a room together, not needing to talk, and there was no strain between them. It was comfortable. It was easy. It was familiar to her in a way she couldn't explain, but it let her know somewhere deep down that Dorian was exactly who he seemed. He was honest with her and open and she loved him for it, even if she didn't remember every little detail.

"So, how has being _just friends_ been the last week or so?" Dorian prodded gently.

Elera sighed. "About as awkward as you'd imagine." She cut another strip of ribbon for the next box.

"I mean, what does he even do there in the Fade with you, El? Do you really need him there in order to unlock your memories?"

The Dalish woman glanced up and shrugged. "Well, he _is_ sort of my guide in all this."

"You don't think you could find your inner _memory forest_ in the Fade?"

"Could you? Would you trust yourself to wander the Fade like that?" She wasn't entirely positive what Solas did to ensure they arrived at the sight of her memories time after time, but she didn't want to risk trying it on her own. As long as the Dreamer was willing to help, she'd let him do the navigating. "Besides, I like the company." She admitted.

"Ah ha! And now we get to the root of it." Elera threw another bow at him and he placed it next to the first. They were beginning to resemble a little hat on his head.

"What about that second forest you said you saw. The spooky one with the white trees and the thorn bushes?" Dorian asked, shifting the conversation a bit.

"Haven't seen it since."

"Really?"

Elera shook her head, working on another bow. "Nope."

"Hm, odd that it would show up at all."

"See why I don't really want to go navigating the Fade on my own?" Elera pointed out, tugging the ribbon into place.

"Point taken." Dorian agreed. "So, is he coming to the party tonight?"

"Is who?"

The Tevinter rolled his eyes. "Oh c'mon."

Elera sighed. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? How do you not know? Did you invite him?"

Elera scribbled a name on the little tag dangling from the most recently completed gift. "Yes."

"And?"

The Dalish huffed out an exasperated sigh and glared at the well-groomed man sitting among her pillows. "And, he said _thank you_." Elera watched as Dorian's face fell before he made another disgusted sound deep in his throat.

"Are you certain you shouldn't focus your attentions on another _friend_? Cullen perhaps?" Dorian needled.

"Oh that reminds me!" Elera perked, the grin spreading across her face. "Literally." She laughed at her own joke, but Dorian just waited on her supposed news. "Why didn't anyone tell me that Cullen and I…" She let the sentence trail off as if the very lilt of her voice was innuendo enough.

"Cullen and you what?" Dorian hedged and then suddenly his eyes went wide. "Oh k _affas_! You and Cullen! When? Why was I not told?"

Elera dropped the pen she'd been holding, her eyes shifting to quizzically toward Dorian. "You mean you didn't know?"

Dorian threw his hands up. "No, I didn't know! But now you _have_ to tell me!"

Elera smiled, the barest hint of flush tinging her cheeks. "I guess that explains why Cassandra didn't say anything that first day."

"Snowflake," Dorian's voice had taken on that chiding edge once more. "You're stalling. C'mon, details. When did this _altercation_ happen, hm?"

Elera exhaled a giggle and acquiesced. "Um, you're asking the girl who can't remember her life to give you a timeline? I don't know. When did he get promoted to Knight Commander?"

"Hmm, about two years ago or so, I believe."

"Well, it was around that time. He'd just been promoted and was under a great deal of stress." Elera explained.

"Oh come on woman, I don't need a set-up, just get to the good stuff!" Dorian teased, throwing a nearby pillow at the elf.

"Alright, alright." Elera laughed. "Anyway, we were in his office."

"Ooh, during work hours? Let me guess, you were his _afternoon delight_?" Dorian giggled.

Elera rolled her eyes. "It was night, actually."

Dorian waved a hand. "Whatever."

"So, what's there to tell? There was talking, I encouraged him, there might have been a hug, and then something fell off his desk and the next think I know he's cleared all the papers off with one arm and is leaning me across it with the other."

"The desk!" Dorian gasped. "You fucked on his desk?" His mouth gaped in a little O and Elera felt her cheeks start to burn. "I can't believe you never told me, and on the desk too. Never in my wildest dreams...scratch that, maybe I can believe it."

Elera was hiding her face. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much and she couldn't stop laughing. "Apparently, I never told anyone. I'm sure it was a onetime thing, Dorian. We probably both had some steam to let off and that was the moment to do it." She shrugged, as if that was the perfect explanation.

"How do _you_ know it was a onetime thing, hm? How many other naughty secrets are locked up inside that decorative little head of yours? I'll have to ask Cullen myself."

"No! Dorian you'd better not!" Elera howled and dove across the bed to assault him with a pillow. The pair struggled to hit the other with pillows until they calmed into quiet laughter.

"Well, that settles it then." Dorian sighed. "I am most definitely hanging that Mistletoe for the party tonight."


	22. Party

"Are you sure you're alright?" Cullen was asking her again for what had to have been the fifth time in an hour. Elera sighed as she scooped another ladle –full of punch into her red solo cup. It was some Tevinter concoction Dorian had been marinating all afternoon in the fridge. He wouldn't say what was in it, but it tasted deceitfully sweet. Considering how much Cassandra had been giggling since drinking a cup of the substance, Elera was certain it had an alcohol content even Bull could be proud of.

"Yes, Cullen. I'm fine." She reassured him once more. Ever since she'd told Cassandra about her run in with the two Templars in the park, both the Seeker and Cullen had been hard at work trying to root out the offenders. Cullen had managed to track down a suspect who'd been hospitalized the same night, but the officer wasn't a part of his precinct and he'd been having difficulty cutting through layers of proverbial red tape. Or at least, that's how he'd explained it to the Dalish elf. Cassandra had all but demanded to be allowed to step in and take over, but the two had gotten into an argument about abuse of power or position and frankly, Elera had stopped listening. She just wanted the whole thing to go away.

The Knight Commander was eyeing the punch suspiciously. Elera could almost see him warring with himself about whether or not he should even think about pouring himself a drink. The Dalish smiled out of the corner of her mouth and set her own cup down to fill another one. She stuffed it into the blond human's hands and grinned. "You're off duty, Commander. Relax, it's a party, remember?" Cullen sighed sheepishly, reaching behind his head to rub the back of his neck.

"Yes, I suppose you're right." Some of the tension seemed to ease out of his shoulders as he took a tentative sip from his cup. His scrunched up nose said plainly that he was not a fan of the brew, but he didn't put it down. "I understand you've remembered quite a lot as of late?" He asked, probing gently with his warm voice.

Elera swallowed the gulp she'd taken from her own cup and nodded. "Yes, I think so, but it's still just bits and pieces right now. There are still really big gaps." She shrugged and took another sip.

"Well, in any case, I'm glad this Solas character has been able to help you." Elera wasn't sure if she liked the way Cullen had said Solas' name. It reminded her of the way Cassandra referred to the elven mage. There was an undercurrent of distrust that neither human seemed capable masking.

The Dalish elf smiled over her cup. "Yes, me too."

The party had only officially been underway for about an hour, but already the apartment felt crowded. Elera recognized most of the faces in the room, but if she'd been asked to give any details about half of the people there, she would have struggled for anything past a first name. She knew that they were still missing a handful of guests. Apparently Josephine and Leliana had gotten stuck in traffic coming into town and Sera was running late for a reason no one seemed certain to the specifics of.

The doorbell buzzed and Elera seized the opportunity to slip out of the conversation. "That must me Josephine and Leliana." She chirped to Cullen and made her way to the door. Elera felt her stomach knot momentarily as her fingers slid around the handle. What if it was Solas? She'd invited him after all but hadn't really expected him to show. The thought caused her to hesitate. _So what if it is? You DID invite him._ Elera thought to herself and exhaled her reservations before pulling the door open wide.

"Elera!" Josephine's heavy Antivan accent purred across the threshold. "I would hug you but my arms are a bit full at the moment."

Elera gave them both a welcoming smile and stepped aside so they could come in. Josephine's arms were indeed full. There were colorfully wrapped packages of all shapes and even some gift bags of various sizes strung between her fingers. Leliana seemed to be carrying a few bags herself along with a box of wondrous smelling something. Elera was betting on cake, or at least, hoping for cake.

"It is so good to see you." Leliana said warmly. Elera noted the distinctly Orlesian lilt to her voice. "We would have come sooner but the traffic out there—"

"Oh it is absurd! You wouldn't believe how long it took just to move one block." Josephine interjected. "Where shall I put these?"

"By the tree is fine." Elera motioned into the main room. Gifts were piled around the small, leaning tree that had been lit up for the party. It flickered and glittered like a jewel, despite its sad state.

"Oh that poor tree." Josephine tisked, frowning at the thin shrub. Leliana slid the box of sweet smelling something onto the nearest counter while Josephine unloaded the gifts she'd brought.

"Ruffles!" Varric exclaimed from his position at a nearby table. "About time you showed up. C'mon, been savin' you a seat." Elera could see the cards already stacked in a neat little deck in front of Varric. Several others had already made themselves comfortable at the table. A sly smile spread across the Antivan's face as she slid off her coat and draped it on the back of her indicated chair.

"Elera, are you going to play?" She asked over her shoulder.

"Oh, ah, I think I'll sit this one out. I don't remember how to play Wicked Grace and I don't want to hold up the game while you guys teach me. Maybe later?" The Dalish elf replied.

"Suit yourself." Varric shrugged and slid the deck of cards to Josephine. "You deal, Ruffles."

Elera took another sip of her drink and tried to let some of the tension out of her shoulders. She watched as the cards were dealt and a soft buzz of conversation began drifting up into the room. She glanced around the room at her collected friends and smiled absently. Several things were happening at once. Some were clustered around the snacks and the kitchen. Others had joined Varric and Josephine at the card table. A few sets were scattered across the couches and dotted around the room in little pockets of conversation. Somewhere deeper into the living room, Krem turned up the music much to Bull's delight. Elera tried to take it all in. These were her friends. Her closest friends, and yet, she still felt separate from them. Distant somehow. As if she were watching them through glass, unable to touch any of them.

"We are so glad to have you back, Elera." Leliana's dulcet Orlesian voice snapped the elf from her momentary trance.

Elera smiled quickly. "Thank you. I'm glad to be back too."

"I understand you found a mage to help you with your memory loss, is that right?"

"Yes. Yes, that's right." Elera answered over her drink.

Leliana smiled thoughtfully. "And he is a _dreamer_ as well?"

Elera nodded.

"That is rare in this day and age. It is lucky that you found him."

Elera was nodding, but her mind was already wandering. She'd met Solas precisely when she needed to. The very day she needed to and he was exactly what she needed. It seemed almost too good to be true. Too much of a coincidence.

"Have you remembered very much?" Leliana probed and Elera shook her thoughts away. The Dalish elf shrugged and took another sip from her cup.

"Well, it depends on who you ask, I guess. I remember such random things. Mostly faces, stray details, specific moments in time. It's like having a few pieces of a jigsaw puzzle put together, but you can't seem to find any of the edges to connect it all." Elera glanced over at the red-head and sighed. "Honestly, I remembered that you loved to sing more than I remembered your name."

Leliana blinked a little too rapidly. Her face showed the slightest contortion of confusion before she smoothed it over with a smile.

"Really? That's amazing. I don't remember when you ever heard me sing…but you're right, I do love to."

Elera's brows knitted together. The circlet of lines her vallaslin created scrunching up as the confusion spread over her face.

"Are you sure? I can't imagine I'd have remembered something so specific if…" The doorbell chimed suddenly and the words died in the young elf's mouth. "That must be Sera. I'll get it." Elera excused herself from the suddenly awkward conversation and made for the front door. She pulled the door open wide and opened her mouth to welcome the blond city elf.

"Hello."

Elera stood there with her mouth open as the other elf greeted her.

"You're not Sera." Elera babbled suddenly.

"No. I am not."

"You came."

Solas smiled. It was faint, soft and completely his. Elera always liked his smiles. They always seemed reluctant, but genuine, and she felt like she'd won a little prize whenever she coaxed one out of him.

"You did invite me, did you not?" He asked, still standing just outside the threshold of her apartment.

"I did." Elera nodded.

"And so here I am."


	23. Gifts

"You win again." The Antivan woman was shaking her head.

"Ruffles, I think you've finally met your match." It was the dwarf, chuckling slightly under his breath as he scooped up the cards and began reshuffling them.

"You are very good at Wicked Grace, Solas." The Antivan congratulated him and he acknowledged her with a soft nod.

"Beginners luck, I assure you."

"And modest too. Elera, I like this one already." Josephine smiled wide. It was a good smile. One that was warm and welcoming. One for board meetings and negotiations. This one was a diplomate. It was easy to spot.

Solas' eyes wandered over to the Dalish woman curled in the chair next to him. She was blushing. It was faint, but he noticed the slight flush to her pale skin. It seemed to darken the dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks. The dark purple of her vallaslin encircled her eyes, but only served to make the strange mix of blue and violet within her irises stand out all the more. She'd pulled her dark hair to one side to curl over her shoulder where the loose fitting sweater slipped down to expose a perfectly smooth curve of skin. She was smiling softly, wistfully almost. One knee was drawn up to her chest, her bare foot perched on the seat of the chair.

"Glad you approve, Josephine." Elera chuckled and then slipped her foot off the chair. "Drinks?" She offered, grabbing her own cup before standing.

"I'll have one." Josephine replied.

"And me."

"Me too."

"You've had enough, Seeker."

"I only had two drinks!"

Solas watched the tennis match of conversations as they bounced around the room. Elera began collecting cups and Solas stood. "Allow me." He murmured as he collected the cups she couldn't and followed her into the kitchen.

Music was playing loudly through the apartment now and it appeared that everyone who had been invited, and some who hadn't, had arrived. Solas took note of the pockets of conversation and interactions that were happening all around them. The apartment wasn't small by any means, but with so many bodies of varying sizes taking up space inside, it had started to feel a little cramped.

Incredibly, no one else was in the kitchen when they entered and he felt as if he could breathe a little easier. He set the empty red cups along the counter and tried not to stare at the dark-haired elf sauntering deeper into the kitchen ahead of him. Her sweater hung loosely around her lithe body. The leggings that she wore beneath it clung to her legs like a second skin leaving her bare feet revealed in stark contrast to the dark material. She glanced back at him over her shoulder as she opened the refrigerator and began rummaging around in it. Her eyes were alight and happy and Solas had to look away.

He'd come because she'd asked him. Against his better judgement. He was trying. Trying to be _friends_. It should have been a simple thing, but coming here, meeting the people in her life, it felt too personal. He wasn't one of them. He had no desire to be one of them and yet, they shared a common link. _Her_. The strange girl he couldn't seem to stay away from. Even as every rational thought that entered his mind told him to walk away and forget her. There was the irrational part. The knotting in his chest. The tingle of energy whenever she touched him. The familiar scent of her hair or skin. The distant pulling he felt whenever she was near. The small, faint voice that wanted to remind him…that wanted to believe…

"What are you doing?" He asked her. She had begun moving with intent. Her hips swaying softly at first, but then with more fervor as her shoulders joined in. She was carrying a large punch bowl over to the counter where they'd left all the cups.

She glanced at him and her smile was mischievous. "Dancing. You should try it sometime. It's good for you." She shimmied a little more as she set the bowl down.

Solas lifted one dark brow as she gyrated around. "Thank you, but I'm fine."

She stirred the punch with a ladle and glanced back at him. "Oh come on. Don't be such a stiff." She teased. She'd been drinking. He'd watched it with his own eyes. Still, she didn't seem as bad off as the Seeker, or nearly as inebriated as the blond elf.

He stood silently as she continued to sway her hips and stare at him. She let go of the ladle and took a step toward him. Solas thought about taking a step back to counter it, guessing what she was thinking, but he stood stationary as she sauntered closer. Her hands slipped down to grip either side of his hips and he let her. Why did he let her? He stared down at her playful expression and thought about walking away, but he didn't. Against his better judgement.

"Elera." He said her name, but it was a quiet thing on his lips.

"Come on, I'm sure you can dance." She teased, drawing her own hips closer. She smelled sweeter today. Like honey that was raw and pure.

"This music is not what I would normally dance to." He murmured. Her hands were warm, even through the fabric of his jeans he could feel the heat from her skin. Damnit.

"Oh, I'm sure you're a waltzing kind of man, but come on, this is an easy beat to follow."

Solas licked his lips. That voice was screaming at him again. This was trouble. _She_ was trouble. He hesitated and she was on him now, against him, her own hips trying to urge his into submission. She moved and he echoed her. She smiled and he felt his expression flinch. A ghost of a smile breaking through his resolve.

She let go of his hips just long enough to take his hands and place them on her body. She placed them on her own hips and held them there.

"El—" He started to caution her when she stepped into him. If there had been any space left between them before, it was gone now. Solas felt all the air rush out of his lungs as she traced tiny electric lines up his arms before draping her slender hands around his neck. "I'm not certain this is how _friends_ dance." He murmured, but he didn't stop moving.

"How do you know? We haven't been friends that long." She was running her tongue along her bottom lip and Solas felt his fingers digging into her hip as his body reacted.

"Elly Beans, presents, yeah!" Sera's heavily accented voice cut through the fog of the moment like a sledgehammer and Solas took three steps back from the elf in his arms.

His face felt hot and his jeans seemed ill fitting now. This was ridiculous!

"Oh, yeah, sure Sera. We'll be right there." Elera assured her, sauntering back to the punch bowl as if nothing had just happened.

"What's wrong with your face?" Sera demanded and Solas realized after several moments that she'd been talking to him.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Your. Face." She punctuated each word slowly. "You allergic to punch? You got punch face?"

Solas' brows knitted together. "I haven't had any punch." Strange elf.

"Well you got punch face. Punchy." She huffed and hopped off the counter she'd appeared on, leaving Solas as stunned as he'd been when she arrived.

Elera was snickering from behind the refrigerator door as she returned the punch bowl to its home. She came back with a smile across her face and handed Solas two of the newly filled cups before grabbing two more into her own hands. "Come on, punchy." She teased and slipped past him.

They distributed the drinks to their respective owners and took seats near to the little tree in the main room. Several of the guests had taken spots on the floor while others littered the furniture like birds perched in an atrium.

"Are we ready?" The Antivan called Josephine chirped.

"Presents!" The blond elf cried and began divvying up the gifts like a gleeful child.

Solas watched quietly as the gifts were distributed and opened. Trinkets mostly. Bits of clothing, baubles, jewelry, picture frames, gift cards, books, games. Some receivers clearly delighted in their gifts, while others seemed confused, yet accepted with modest joy. Nearly every guest had given a gift to Elera, and he found it interesting considering she was Dalish and her friends were obviously aware of this.

"Ooh, whose this from?" Josepine asked as she held up a small box, neatly wrapped. She glanced at the tag and looked at the Dalish elf. "Elera, you shouldn't have!"

Elera stood then and padded over to the little tree. "I made one for everyone. I know Dalish don't celebrate Satinalia, but I wanted to do something for all my friends. To say thank you for being here for me." She shrugged as she dug around for several other boxes of equal size and similar wrapping. She distributed each one accordingly. Each person she handed them to smiling and exchanging a small hug with the dark-haired mage. Solas watched the exchanges with silent intrigue, until Elera dropped one of the small boxes into his hands.

He looked down at the box. It was wrapped in paper of shiny green filigree. The bow was cloth, gold and the little tag was a little piece of construction paper tied with ribbon. He flipped it over to read the gentle swooping letters of his name spelled out across the tag.

"Oh Elera, it's beautiful!" Leliana called out.

"You made these yourself?" The bearded, bear of a man asked gruffly. He had removed a small glass orb from his box. The glass was tinted blue and there was a little slip of paper floating inside. Solas couldn't make out what was written on the parchment, but he was quickly observing that everyone had something similar. Each orb was tinted a soft hue and held a scrap of paper.

"Yeah. Blown glass. It's a long story really, but basically there is a memory I have of each of you written on the paper." Elera confessed. Solas stared down at his box, still sealed. Something like fear suddenly gripping his heart.

"Hehe, bees." Sera snickered as she stared at the little ornament and grinned.

" _I_ don't even remember when we did this." Varric chuckled.

"Well, I should warn you that some of the memories might seem a little random. I'm getting things back in pieces and I don't always get all the pieces in order." Elera added. She was sitting right next to him, her eyes flickering briefly to the unopened gift in his hands.

Solas licked his lips and pulled at the bow, letting it slip free and fall away. He pried the paper off at the seams, careful not to tear it. The box was sealed with a single strip of scotch tape and was easily opened.

"Drinks anyone?" Cullen asked and several voices rang out in agreement.

"I'll help." Elera offered and Solas felt a sudden emptiness on the cushion beside him.

The orb held a color that was somewhere between blue and green. Like veilfire. It shimmered in the light of the tree and Solas could see the curled strip of paper floating inside it like a secret. He had to tilt it just right to evade the glare to read it.

There was a small commotion suddenly. Someone rang a little bell signaling that a pair of guests had walked under the mistletoe. Solas had been narrowly avoiding the dangling bit of shrubbery the entire evening. A ridiculous custom. Clearly human.

"Not a little peck on the cheek either!" The Tevinter teased.

"Yeah, I had to brush my teeth after that kiss with Varric!" The Seeker sneered, taking a heafty gulp from her cup.

"Oh come on, Seeker. You're the one who used tongue." The dwarf chided. Several people laughed and the Nevarran woman made a disgusted noise in her throat.

Solas shook his head gently, dismissing the commotion behind him as he struggled to read the slip of paper. The words were in elvish. Familiar words. Forgotten words. Solas held his breath and stood suddenly. He turned just as Knight Commander's mouth sealed over Elera's. His hand braced the small of her back and she arched into the kiss. Solas walked past them, practically unnoticed by anyone else in the room. The orb was still in his hand. The words threatening to ignite his blood as he made for the door. He needed fresh air. He needed to think. It was too loud to think. To loud to breathe. What was he doing here? Why had he come here?

Vaguely he heard Elera calling after him. The door closed behind him and he was already to the staircase. The delicate orb clenched in his hand. He looked at it again. At the _memory_ written inside. An impossible memory.

"No." He hissed as he hit the main door and let himself out into the cold, winter air. It was snowing again.

His eyes went to the gift a third time as he reached his car, parked at the curb. He wanted to be sure. Perhaps he'd read it wrong. Perhaps something had been misspelled.

The handwriting was neat and careful. The ink was black.

 _"Ar lasa mala revas."_

It reflected back to him like a curse. Solas leaned his forehead against the cold metal of his car door. Strands of his long hair fell forward, slipping free from their binding to fall around his face. He was shaking his head. Impossible.

"No," He breathed against his car. His breath a puff of white smoke. "I am not."


	24. Small Deaths

She was going to kill Dorian.

She heard the little tinny jingle of the bell signaling someone, or rather a pair of someone's, had walked under the mistletoe, and she froze. Her stomach dropped into her feet as she glanced up and saw the dangling bit of foliage above her. Cullen was already blushing beside her as Dorian's chiding voice called out, "Not a little peck on the cheek either!"

She thought about setting the mistletoe on fire. It wouldn't require a large fireball to take the little offending shrubbery out. One little flick of magic would turn it to ash. She considered it, but as Cassandra spoke up and reminded her of the kiss she'd been forced to share with Varric, Elera knew she was being a poor sport. If anyone had been likely to destroy the silly hanging plant, it had been Cassandra.

The Dalish rolled her eyes and turned to the already crimson human beside her. She shrugged and wet her lips and Cullen leaned over and claimed his kiss. She felt his arm pull her closer, bracing the small of her back. His mouth was warm and his arms were strong. It was a good kiss and she wondered briefly why the Knight-Commander didn't have someone special in his life. The man certainly had a lot to offer. He wasn't a bad kisser either.

Elera felt movement behind her and she broke away first. Just as Solas' hand turned the knob to the front door.

"Solas!" She called out to him but he was already out the door. "Shit!" She hissed and started after him.

She knew she should have lit the mistletoe on fire. _Damnit!_ She inwardly cursed and vowed to singe Dorian's small hairs when she got back inside.

"Solas, wait!" She called again as she hit the staircase. Her feet carried her so quickly she knew that if she stopped before she reached the bottom she would topple over. She hit the main door to her building and rushed outside before her feet had fully registered that the pavement was covered in snow.

He was standing with his forehead resting against his car. His hair was slipping forward to obscure his face from view. Elera saw his hand reach for the handle of his door and she took a step forward.

"Solas." Her hand reached out as if she could have stopped him, but she was nowhere near close to touching him. His head rose slowly as he straightened. He wasn't looking at her yet and she risked getting closer. "Hey, that kiss with Cullen was just a bit of silliness. Dorian insisted we have that stupid mistletoe up and he's been waiting all night to catch me under it with someone. Personally, I'd have much rather been stuck underneath there with you, to be honest." She was speaking too fast. Her voice full of nervous laughter. Why had he run off like that? He'd said he wanted to be friends right? RIGHT?

"Did you intend this for me?" His voice was quiet, almost a whisper.

"What?" Elera asked, more confused now than before. If that were even possible.

Solas' steely gaze fixed on her and she felt like she'd been hit in the chest suddenly. He was holding the little glass orb in his palm.

"Why did you give this to me?" He demanded softly, his voice struggling to remain even.

Elera opened and closed her mouth stupidly. Her words failing. "I gave one to everyone." She swallowed hard. "You said you wanted to be friends. I gave all of my friends one. I thought you would like it." Oh Creators, he didn't like it! She'd offended him somehow. "I didn't mean to upset or offend you, Solas. Honestly, I—"

"What _memory_ was this?" He interrupted suddenly, his voice taking on an edge.

"Well…it isn't a memory exactly." Elera licked her suddenly dry lips. Her feet were freezing. In fact, she was freezing in general. Snow was falling and melting against her hair and she was losing sensation in her hands and feet. "It was really more of a dream." She admitted, feeling like a fool.

"A dream." He said it quietly, glancing down at the little bauble in his hand.

"Look, a lot has happened that I can't explain. Ever since I woke up from that coma I feel like I've had one foot in the Fade. Always half dreaming." Elera began. "I tried to put the memories that made me happiest into those gifts, however few or incomplete they might have been." The Dalish elf met his gaze, trying to explain a moment she had no explanation for. "Sometimes I'll remember something so abstract it feels like it's from someone else's life. I heard those words in my head and the voice saying them to me belonged to you."

He was watching her, studying her with an expression she couldn't place. It was as if he were waiting for some massive other shoe to drop.

"I have never said those words to you."

"I know that!" Elera answered quickly. "I didn't even know what they meant. My elvish is shit these days." She smiled wistfully and took a deep breath. Creators she felt like a mental patient. "There was this warm, blue light and your voice saying those words and it just made me feel…happy." She shrugged. "I just wanted to share it with you is all. I never meant to make you uncomfortable."

She watched the bare-faced elf standing across from her. Watched as his handsome face began to gradually shut down and she felt like her chest was being slowly crushed.

"I'm afraid that I can no longer help you." His voice was curt.

"What?" Elera felt her face pinch into confusion. "Wait, what? Why? Because I gave you a present?"

"It was selfish of me to continue this as long as I have."

The Dalish mage took a step toward him. Her feet were full of pins and needles, so much so that it hurt. "So, you're going to break up with me when we're not even together? Look, Solas, I know I agreed to be just friends, and maybe I've not been very good at it, but I _like_ you. A lot. When I'm around you I feel like…I don't know…like I'm myself. My _whole_ self."

If he was moved by her words, he never let it show. He was a blank, unmovable canvas. Beautiful but empty. "It was a distraction. Nothing more."

"That's a lie!" She shot back.

"You intrigued me. That was all." He murmured.

"Fuck you! That's a lie and you know it!" She hissed. The snow beneath her feet began to melt as magic ran hot and electric along her skin.

"You were," and there was a moment of hesitation there where he seemed to think on the words balancing on his tongue. She saw him almost reconsider it and then, "A casual dalliance."

Her vision blurred and his voice sounded suddenly far away. She was pushing someone, calling them a coldhearted son-of-a-bitch, her heart had broken in two and nothing in the world made sense anymore.

"Elera?" Solas was there, his hand touching her face. She was holding her hand over her eyes. The strange warping of reality seemingly over just as quickly as it had begun. She pushed him with her free hand; hard.

"Go!" She shouted, pushing him again. "Leave already!" She reached out to push at him once more when she slipped on the ice beneath her feet and fell into the snow. She saw him start to reach for her and it was like another blade cutting through her. " _Vara!_ " She screamed in elvish. The word to tell him to go away falling from her lips before she'd even thought about how to say it.

She watched him draw back and climb into his car. The snow around her hands had melted into cold puddles as she curled her fingers into fists against the pavement. Her skin tingled with raw magic as she fought back against the burning in her eyes. Why did this hurt so much? She barely knew him. Barely cared.

The taillights of his car glowed red in the dim streetlight and she watched them grow smaller and fainter as he drove away.

It shouldn't have hurt. It shouldn't have mattered. He was just some arrogant ass of a mage who showed up at the right place at the right time. So why did watching him leave feel like a kind of agony? A familiar, small death.


	25. Red Shit

(6 Months Later...)

She was running, boots crunching against the loose pavement beneath her feet. The moist air from the lake filled her lungs with the scent of oil and rotten sea-life. She hated the docks. Haven's pathetic excuse for a shipping yard was more of a slum. A stark contrast to the quaint, small town comfort farther inland.

The warehouses were scarcely lit and the moon was waning overhead. There was hardly enough light to see the narrow docks that jutted out into the lake, but she wasn't looking out into the water. No, her prey had slipped between the stacks of shipping containers towering around the derelict buildings.

She rounded the corner slowly, the blue shimmer of a barrier springing up to coat her form. Magic flew through the air. Ice collided and crawled along her barrier, looking for a way through, before dissipating into a burst of snow flurries in front of her feet. She looked past the failed attack and saw the remnants of magic staining the fingertips of a fleeing mage several yards away. He was almost out of range and Elera quickly shifted the air surrounding her, letting invisible waves of magic carry her forward in a burst of blurred speed. As her feet slid to a stop she threw up a disruption field and watched as the escapee was caught instantly in its effect. His back arched as the field weakened and slowed him to a crawl.

Elera raced toward him, unaffected by her own field. The floundering mage began to react, but he was too slow and the Dalish elf let her fist connect roughly with his jaw. He fell to his knees and Elera helped his face into the brunt of her own knee before letting him collapse in a heap on his back. She gave him no time to react or catch his breath as she dropped her weight onto his chest with her knee just under his chin.

"What did you sell that Templar?" She demanded.

"Y-you're a mage!" He grunted, surprise clear on his face. Elera leaned into her knee, putting pressure against his windpipe.

"The Templar, what did you sell him. Tell me!" She repeated. The mage beneath her made a croaked sound in his throat and she eased off enough to let him speak.

"Why do you care? Whose side are you on?" He rasped.

"Mine!" She hissed. There was a metal cuff clasped to her wrist. The jewelry glinted in the dim light and then shone as runes began to glow of their own power. Magic sprang into her fingers and she curled her hand into the air as if reaching for something. The air shimmered around her hand and a blade formed of a greenish light began to manifest as if she were unsheathing it from the Fade itself. The blade hummed against her palm as she took hold of it fully and lowered the glowing blade down in front of her captive's eyes. "Know what this is?" She asked him. She could see his eyes were large and afraid and even a little in awe. "Spirit blade. Pretty rare these days, I'm told."

The mage licked his lips. "But, you're one of _The People_." He indicated, using the old elvish reference. Elera found it almost amusing considering he hardly seemed Dalish.

"So?" She sneered. "You think because we're both elven mages that I'm supposed to go easy on you?" She brandished the blade against his cheek so that he could feel the heat coming off the magical weapon. The length and width of the blade seemed to adjust to her needs. It was hardly one of the broadswords of the Arcane Warriors or Knight Enchanters of legend. Hers was more akin to a modest rapier or long dagger blade. "Tell me what you sold that Templar."

"L-lyrium! It was lyrium." He sniveled.

"Bullshit!" She adjusted the point of the blade, angled it so that it was right in front of his eye. It must have been a blinding thing to the other mage. "Lyrium isn't red!"

"This lyrium is!" He retorted swiftly. "S-sposed to be stronger than the blue shit. I swear!"

Elera made a disgusted face, her lips pulled back in a snarl. She didn't lower the blade, but didn't move it either. "Who are you working for? Who's your supplier?" She demanded.

"I-I don't know."

She pressed the tip of the blade against the soft flesh just beneath his eye. There was a faint searing sound a second before he cried out.

"They just tell me when and where to pick it up! I don't know who they are! I swear! Please! I don't know! I swear it!" He screamed and Elera pulled back the blade, revealing a tiny triangle of burned flesh just beneath the mages eye.

"Where's your stash? Do you have more?"

"No." He was quick to answer now. "That was my last."

"When's your next pick-up?"

He swallowed hard. Sweat was beginning to bead across his brow and upper lip. "I-I don't know." The spirit blade pulsed, humming softly and the mage flinched. "I swear! The place and time changes. It's always different."

This was going nowhere. He was obviously at the lowest rung of the ladder. The petty dealer. No concept of anything beyond making their next sale. Elera stared down at his slender, elven face. His eyes were rimmed red; bloodshot. She wasn't sure if it was from stress or…

"You using?" She asked. He shook his head as much as he could with the blade close by.

"The red shit? No way! It makes those Templars go crazy. I-I don't even like having a lot of it to push at once, you know? It sings to you. S-scary shit." He was trembling.

"Yeah, I've seen what it does. It destroys people and you're selling it to them!" The blade thrummed, the magic growing brighter. The mage squirmed beneath her knee. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put you out of your misery right now?"

"That's enough!" Cassandra's strong voice echoed out from somewhere behind them.

Elera kept the blade humming close to the mages skin another moment longer before the magical weapon shimmered out of existence. The glow faded from the bracelet she wore to harness the spirit that conjured the blade. In one smooth movement she rose off her captive and jerked him to his feet. Elera pulled a pair of the magic nullifying cuffs from her belt. They were incredibly similar to what she'd worn after the coma, only these were meant for both wrists like handcuffs.

"You didn't cuff him?" Cassandra sounded almost appalled.

Elera shrugged. "I had it under control." She clamped the cuffs into place and almost felt the vibration of the grounding circle taking effect over the mage in custody.

"You're being reckless!" Cassandra accused. Elera spun to face her partner, jerking the other mage with her. Two Templar officers stood just behind the Seeker and Elera pushed the elven mage toward them.

"He's all yours boys." She quipped before looking back at the Nevarran. "Relax. I said I had it and I did."

Cassandra's face scrunched up in frustration. "He is a mage. What if something had happened? What if he had succumbed to possession? What if-"

"Then I would have handled it!" Elera all but shouted.

"With your blade?" Cassandra sounded disappointed, but sighed and dismissed it with a pinch between her eyes. "Did you find out anything?"

Elera put her hands on her hips, watching as the Templars took the mage into custody. They were reading him his rights and walking him toward their cruiser. Elera could see the lights flashing even from where they stood.

"He's too low ranking. Doesn't know much." She sighed, still watching the Templars. "Says its lyrium." Elera shook her head. "He doesn't have any stashed. Said it creeps him out. Sings to him even. But, he's supposed to get a call with the next drop off."

"Truly?" Cassandra murmured. "Officer!" She called out to the departing Templars. "I want his cell phone confiscated and processed as soon as possible." The Seeker turned back to the Dalish elf and took in a deep, long breath. " _Red Lyrium_? I thought it was a myth."

"Ah, that's probably just what they're calling it on the street. Makes it sound scarier. Doesn't mean anything." Elera reassured her, but something gnawed at the back of the elf's mind.

"Maker, let us hope you are right."

Elera glanced up at Cassandra. "What about you? What happened with the Templar he sold it to?"

Cassandra sighed. "We arrested him for possession of illegal substances."

"Of course." Elera smiled.

Cassandra turned a little into the light and it was the first time Elera noticed the small cut across the Seeker's cheek. The skin looked a little bruised and swollen too. The Dalish elf winced.

"He did not come quietly." Cassandra added dryly.

"Well, that's not unusual I guess. They've all shown signs of heightened aggression, paranoia and adrenaline."

"He will probably be taken back to Val Royeaux. Apparently, he was discharged from the order a month ago for conduct unbefitting an officer." Cassandra went on.

Elera scoffed. "Like _that_ doesn't sound suspicious."

"I did manage to get this, though." Cassandra brandished an evidence bag containing an even tinier bag and held it toward the elf's face. It was hard to make out the contents in the dim light but suddenly Elera saw a red glint and she gasped.

"He still had it on him!"

Cassandra nodded. "Probably one of the reasons he put up such a fight."

"This is great! Now Dagna can analyze it outside of a bloodstream and maybe we can get some answers." Elera looked at the little red crystals sitting innocently in their tiny bag. "Do you hear anything? Is it _singing_ to you?" She asked, remembering what the dealer had said earlier.

Cassandra shook her head. "That is absurd. No, why should I hear singing?"

"Something the mage said." Elera shrugged as Cassandra put the evidence away.

"We should talk with Cullen."

Elera nodded in agreement. Even if Cullen himself had kicked the lyrium dependency, it was still a standard issue enhancement drug for the Templar order. As a Knight-Commander, his life had become about paperwork and politics rather than active duty. He was one of the few in command who took an active role in the wellbeing of his officers. He made sure their dosage was carefully monitored and should a Templar be released from duty, retire or show signs that they were becoming an addict, Cullen made sure they obtained the help they needed to be free from the drug for good.

In six months Elera had remembered a lot about the Knight-Commander. He was a good man, human or otherwise.

"Yeah, he needs to keep a close watch on anyone going through the rehab program or hell, probably people on the force at this point." Elera scrubbed a hand down her face. She'd remembered so much, enough to go back to work, enough to piece together some semblance of her old life, and what was waiting for her was almost too unbelievable. Civil rights for elves, Templars going mad, Dorian going back home to Tevinter. She was waiting for the sky to fall any day.

"When was the last time you slept?" Cassandra shifted gears almost too fast for the Dalish mage to follow.

"What? I'm fine." Elera huffed out a deep breath and rubbed the back of her neck.

Cassandra lifted one perfectly arched eyebrow. "That wasn't the question."

"I'm fine, Cassandra. I'm not tired."

The Nevarran crossed her arms over her chest. Elera lowered her arms and rolled her eyes.

"I have not seen you sleep more than an hour in months. You _need_ rest. You're no good to us like this."

"I'm. Fine." Elera spoke slowly and through clenched teeth.

"You're. Not." Cassandra matched her growl with a snarl of her own. "What if your hand had not been so steady with that blade of yours?"

"One less asshole."

"What if you cannot maintain a barrier?"

"Not going to happen."

"It's just sleep, Elera. You need to rest. Everyone does. There is nothing wrong with—"

"I don't want to dream!" Elera shouted suddenly and then lower repeated. "I don't want to dream, okay?" She looked into her friend's face and saw it shift from aggravation to concern.

"Are you hearing voices? Demons? We are supposed to be immune to possession but if you are concerned about—"

"No, no, nothing like that, Cass." She was whispering now. "I just don't want to dream about _him_."

Cassandra's eyes widened at first, but quickly narrowed to angry slits. "You did not tell me he was invading your dreams. That is a first-degree felony. That son-of-a—"

"No, Cass, wait, no. That's not what I meant." She touched her friends arm gingerly. "It's nothing like that." She smiled weakly and sighed. "I just dream about him. He doesn't _make_ me dream about him. It's all me. _My_ dreams."

The Nevarran blinked once, twice, tried to keep the pity off her face and failed. "Oh." She choked on that single word and the elf shrugged.

"I didn't want to bother you with it."

"Do you…do you want to talk about it?" Cassandra hedged.

Elera shook her head. It would have been too confusing for Cassandra anyway and she didn't want to frustrate her roommate any more than she usually did.

"It's okay. Glad you're looking out for me." She nudged her with her shoulder and the harsh lines of the Nevarran's face softened.

"Me too."

Elera smiled gently and realized Cassandra wasn't going to let it go. "Alright, I'll get some sleep."

"Thank you." Cassandra replied.

The Dalish mage rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, let's go. It smells like Kirkwall out here."


	26. Dream Warrior

The sky was on fire.

It wasn't just the crimson sunset or the storm clouds that looked like smoke on the horizon. It was the sickly green flame splitting the air in half above her head. It looked like a wound, a tear that was bleeding black and green like poison.

A thorn raked across her ankle. Another scratch to match the others. The tattered edges of her nightgown were tinged pink and speckled red from the many cuts that ran along her feet and calves. She ignored the burning laceration as it spread like fire across her skin. She had to keep running. To get out of the forest of wickedly curved trees. Their bark as pale as death and twisted like an old crone. The dappling of leaves that looked more like bloody hand prints draping all around her.

And the orbs.

The veil quartz that shimmered like oil and glowed with the hidden light of veilfire. They seemed to breathe to life as she ran past them, like she was awakening some curious spirit with her very presence. She heard voices whispering from some. Others were screaming. Little cracks threatened to split some in twain. Others pulsed like a heart as they cried out to her.

 _"Herald…"_

 _"The Herald!"_

 _"Inquisitor…"_

 _"Inquisitor!"_

 _"Inquisitor?"_

She caught her foot against a gnarled root and toppled forward. The thorn branches of wildflowers reached and tore at her dress, scraping her arms and hands as she fell. She ended on all fours, but fought to sit up on her knees.

"Stop! Stop calling me that!" She cried out at the humming lights swinging wildly in the darkness.

 _"Rattus."_ A deep, rumbling voice like rich earth hissed.

"Shut up!" Elera flung fire into the darkness. The golden flames paled and cooled to veilfire as they dissipated against the orbs. The veil quartz flared and the whispers grew louder until they surrounded the elven mage with their nonsensical chatter. They moved of their own accord, swaying close to her ears as voices echoed from them.

She heard Dorian crying out, _"Help the Inquisitor!"_

Another drifted in close to her other ear. _"You're not giving up this fight!"_ Thom's gruff voice grunted.

 _"Hang on, Boss!"_ It was Bull's hefty cry.

Sera was unmistakable. _"Stop dying, you!"_

Elera shut her eyes against the swarm of glittering stone as it threatened to smother her. The forest was closing in. Vines wrapping around her ankles. Branches lacing together to blot out the sky. There was only the eerie light from the veilfire reflecting out of the orbs.

The Dalish elf unscrewed her eyelids to find a misshapen chunk of veil quartz hovering in front of her. There was pandemonium swirling in its depths. The sounds of a fight, no, a battle. The roar of a great beast. The sizzle of magic. It trembled with contained chaos. Then Solas' voice came. Unmistakable. Afraid and desperate.

 _"No! Hold on!"_

She snatched the orb from the air and screamed as she threw it against the nearest tree. It shattered in a blast of blue-green light, scattering fragments of dust and magic into the air.

The air seemed to hold its breath for an instant and then sound erupted all around her. The images trapped in the crystal filled the world in front of her until it was all she could see. The earthshaking shriek of a dragon pierced her ears, leaving her deaf to everything but the ringing in them. It opened its great wings, preparing to breathe an icy death down on them all.

Thom was ducked behind a shield as big as she was, sword hoisted high as he shouted at the massive beast, directing its ire on him.

Sera was a blur of blond flips and leaps as she fired arrows almost too fast to see. Each and every one hitting its mark.

Solas was beside her, though he looked so different without the fall of wild, dark hair around his face. She felt his magic envelope her. It wasn't the cold frost he was so font of wielding, but the warm healing of his spirit energy. She felt his barrier seal around them and she got to her feet. Strengthening his barrier with her own magic as she clenched her hand around the hilt of her spirit blade and called the weapon to her aid.

She was a blur of movement then. Stepping though the Fade to appear before the dragon, only to draw the Fade around her like a cloak. She ran headlong into the beast and emerged in a magical blast that sent the creature howling. Blade held aloft, humming and glowing in the snow storm, she called fire beneath the ice dragon's belly and clenched her hand into a fist to ignite the blaze.

"Elera! Elera wake up!" Cassandra's voice shouted almost in tandem with the dragon's roars of pain. " _Maker_ guide me. Elera! Wake! Up!"

Elera's eyes shot open. She was in mid-scream. There was a light, flickering against the shadows on her ceiling. Flickering? Smoke swirled in a black cloud above her. Fire!

The elven mage scrambled out of her bed. _Her bed_. It had been another dream. A terrible nightmare. It was all she seemed to have anymore.

Cassandra had ripped the curtains of her canopy clean off and was stamping at them in the center of her room. The Nevarran glanced back at the bed, her mouth half open as she prepared to scream for her friend to wake up once more. Instead she almost sighed in relief. "Thank the _Maker_! Help me with this!"

Elera didn't hesitate, calling hoarfrost to her fingertips as she traced invisible symbols into the air. Steam began beneath the flames as ice built and crawled over the fire, smothering it beneath Cassandra's feet. The mage dissipated the spell just as the blooms of ice began creeping up the boots the Seeker wore. Boots Elera vaguely recognized as her own.

When Cassandra was sure the fire was dead she turned her wrath onto her roommate. "I heard screaming. I came in here to find your bed nearly engulfed in flames. What…" she placed her hands on her hips. "What is happening?"

Elera wouldn't meet her gaze. She ran and angry hand through her tangled hair and started toward her bathroom.

"I told you. I didn't want to dream." She grumbled, feeling a certain amount of complacency. She'd tried to warn Cassandra. To tell her without really telling her, what she went through every time she closed her eyes now.

"You've never lit your bed on fire before!" Cassandra was exasperated.

The Dalish looked over her shoulder to her friend. Cassandra was pissed, but it just meant she cared. She'd remembered enough about the Nevarran to understand that now.

"That you know of." She sighed. "I'm going to take a shower and wake up."

"That's it? I find you setting fire to your bed and screaming in your sleep and you're just going to walk away? No explanation."

Elera gave her nothing but a huff of frustrated breath.

"Elera, I'm…" Cassandra closed her mouth and sighed. She licked her lips and focused her hawk-like stare on the elf, though it had softened. "I'm worried about you."

The mage gave her a halfhearted smile and scratched her head. "Yeah, me too."


	27. Fall in Line

The coffee at the office was terrible, but for Elera, it had become a lifeline.

She scrubbed a hand down her face as she waited for the java to finish brewing. The rich, almost bitter smell filled her nose and she breathed it in deeply. As the machine choked out its last drips she quickly removed the carafe and filled a mug emblazoned with the Seeker's official seal. She heard someone else enter the small lounge, feet hissing against the tile as they drug their feet. Elera barely paid them any notice as she took the first deep mouthful of caffeine into her.

"Rough night, Lavellan?" A man with a half-cocked tie and five o'clock shadow grunted as he slid up to the fresh coffee.

Elera made a face and took another sip from her mug.

"Man, you look like shit." He mused, pouring a mug of his own. Like Elera, he didn't bother with cream or sugar and took a quick gulp. "Heard you guys got your hands on some of that red shit last night."

Elera nodded. "Sure did. Is Dagna in yet?" Cassandra had dropped the sample off along with their report before they'd gone home the night before, but Elera doubted anyone had been anywhere near the red crystals yet.

He shook his head around his mug. "Nope. Lavellan, you know as well as I do, that only you and the LS get here this early."

Elera glanced at the clock. It was still early, for most people. Though, when you hardly slept, it didn't feel like it.

"Not true. _You're_ here, Emery." The Dalish elf grinned. "Wife kick you out again?"

The human rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Ha ha, fuck off."

Elera smiled sweetly and refilled her mug before heading toward her desk. She'd almost left the small lounge when Emery called out, "Hey, the LS wants to see you first thing he said."

The elf froze for a step and then nodded. She could only imagine the shit storm her superior was going to reign down on her. She was supposed to be setting some sort of example for elves and mages everywhere. Show them that anyone was capable of anything if they just put their minds and hearts into it. She was supposed to be some sort of symbol. Some sort of beacon. Instead, she just felt like the bad child constantly getting put into the corner for not playing nice with the other children.

"Sir, I really don't think you _need_ me on this." She was sitting in a chair that seemed to swallow her whole. The desk between her and the Lord Seeker was like an ocean and he was like some great storm on its horizon.

"Did I ask what you _think_ , Lavellan?" His Orlesian accent had all but left him entirely. Most might have mistaken him for a Fereldan man, but she'd heard him at his most enraged, when his words dripped with throaty, arrogant undertones.

"No, Sir." She murmured. The folder was still in her lap. Just a few papers and photos, but it felt like a pallet of bricks nestled against her thighs. "But, I should be out _there_ ," she pointed toward the nearest window. "Hunting these assholes down. Finding where this shipment is being dropped. Not bringing some… _intellectual_ in for a consult!"

"This _intellectual_ , as you say, happens to be an elven mage."

She stood, the folder sliding and scattering its contents across the scuffed flooring. "Oh, I see, _that's_ what makes me qualified for this then? Pointed ears and a staff?" She snarled, letting her offense color her words.

Massive hands slammed down against the heavy wood of the desk. "Sit your ass down, Lavellan!"

There was no hesitation. Elera's ass was back in the oversized leather chair before the towering human had finished the last syllable of her name. He didn't sit back down, however, and that shadow of his fury loomed over her from across the desk. He scrubbed a hand down his grizzled face and sighed.

"You know you look like hell, right?" He asked, his voice no longer angry, just tired.

Elera swallowed hard.

"You didn't have to rush back, Lavellan. You could have taken more time if you needed it."

"Sir—" The Dalish elf started to interrupt, but her superior officer silenced her with a wave of his hand.

"Doesn't matter, you're back now, but you're no good to me burnt out and chasing ghosts." He ran his tongue across his teeth behind closed lips.

She was going to kill Cassandra. She was such a damned mother-hen sometimes.

"I need you to talk to this guy because you're the most invested in this case, and I'm sure you've noticed, but your partner isn't exactly a people person." He cracked the barest hint of a smile at the mention of Cassandra. "Though, I'll admit, the fact that you're both _elves_ and _mages_ is pretty damned convenient."

 _Isn't it though_. But she didn't say it out loud.

"Dagna is good, but she's flying blind here and this guy is the only person on the damned continent who's written a paper on theoretical _tainted_ lyrium _._ "

Elera was starting to chew on her bottom lip. Right at the thin line of deep purple vallaslin that bisected it. Of course _he_ would have written a paper on this shit. Of course he'd be the only possible person available to consult with the Seekers about a mysterious new drug affecting Templars. Of course, it had to be _him._

"Sir, we don't know if it is lyrium." She protested.

He lifted on bushy brow at her. "You think its coincidence that it affects Templars the way it does, Lavellan?"

Elera opened her mouth and closed it.

"Elera," _Oh shit!_ He only ever used her first name when it was really serious. Elera felt herself holding onto the breath of air she'd taken into her lungs. "Templars are there to protect and serve. To keep the peace. To keep the streets safe. And _who_ protects them?" He asked.

"We do, Sir." She muttered.

He nodded. "And who protects _us_?"

Her dark mix of blue and violet eyes focused on the Lord Seeker. " _We_ do."

"I don't think I need to remind you that Templars outnumber us 12 to one. If they go down, if this shit gets out of hand," he was shaking his head. "It'll be chaos."

She was nodding. She understood the stakes.

"We need all hands on deck for this, Lavellan. I need everyone to play ball, understand."

"Yes, Sir."

"Now, go talk to this guy. Convince him to come in and talk with Dagna about this stuff. Maybe he's full of shit and doesn't know squat, but if he can help her even a little bit, then that's a win in my book."

"Yes, Sir." She wasn't going to win this fight. Not without walking out without her badge.

"Good. Then I want you to take the rest of the day. Maybe two."

"Sir?" Her voice rose an octave.

"Get some sleep, Lavellan. Get laid. Get whatever you need to get your head on straight. I need a Seeker with her shit together. Not a sleep deprived time bomb."

Elera gripped the arm of the chair, her knuckles turning white from the effort. She could feel the heat racing into her cheeks as rage and fury colored her skin. She wasn't sure who she was angrier with in that moment. Cassandra or herself.

Her teeth were clenched with her reply. "Yes. Sir."

The Lord Seeker slumped back into his chair. His eyes already scanning some forgotten report on his desk. "Alright, dismissed. And pick that shit up off my floor." He huffed. Elera's eyes fell on the forgotten folder beneath her feet and its scattered contents. A page of sparse data, an eloquently written paper taken from some intellectual journal or historical society, a picture with a face she thought she'd never see again outside of her dreams.


	28. The Cold Burn

Books were always the worst to pack. There were always so many that he rarely ever unpacked every one of them. This time, however, he'd managed to get the bulk of them unloaded onto various shelves and end tables. Some were even stowed away in cupboards. He'd thought, perhaps, he might stay longer this time, but it was clear now that the moment had passed and he should have been on his way long ago.

His fingers were curled around the worn edge of an ancient text. He was kneeling before one of the many bookshelves nestled around his living room, half of the contents already emptied carefully into a box. It was there on the shelf closest to him, displayed on a patch of ring velvet that seemed to offset its color beautifully. The small orb of blown glass resting comfortably inside its container. He'd kept it despite himself. It, and the small scrap of a memory written in _her_ hand. Words he'd said to someone else, in another time and place, and yet, words _she_ remembered.

Solas pinched the space between his eyes and tried to shake the melancholy from his thoughts.

The knock at the door was a quick rapping of knuckles. It cut through his moody silence and he ran a quick hand over the book to remove any invisible dust before settling it inside the box with the others. The elf stood in one solid motion and padded his bare feet toward the front door. He'd called a delivery service for additional boxes and had anticipated their arrival.

The scent of honey and ash hit him as he pulled open the door and there was no time to school his face before her form came into view.

" _Elera_?" Her name drifted out of his mouth like a prayer.

She was the last thing he'd expected to see on his doorstep and yet, he realized, not an unwelcomed sight. She was still as beautiful and mysterious as the night he'd met her only now there was an edge to her that hadn't been there before. An arrogance to her posture. A confidence to the way the line of her mouth veered. A tension around her eyes that spoke of awareness. Her aura was a bright and restless thing. Shifting and shimmering around her form like a predatory creature. She smelled of magic and power in a way that she'd hadn't before and he realized, with a sliver of satisfaction, that she must have regained her memories, or at least some great portion of herself.

"It's _Seeker Lavellan_." She answered smartly, not bothering to so much as acknowledge him. Solas didn't pretend to hide the shock from his face at that revelation.

"A Seeker?"

Her lips tightened into a hard line. Her hair had grown out since last he'd seen her. No longer swept to one side but now free flowing around her face and shoulders in the darkest auburn. Only now did he take in the complete picture of her. The practical boots, meant for running or combat rather than fashion. The slim jeans that emerged from beneath the leather of the boots to conform to her lower body like a second skin, giving her hips where female elves rarely possessed them. The plain black shirt beneath an open, cropped leather jacket. In many ways, she almost resembled her friend Cassandra in her clothing choices.

"Did I stutter?" She nearly bit the words at him as she held up a badge emblazoned with the familiar sigil. Solas could do little to keep the edge of a smile from his lips. Her demeanor was so unlike the nervous _da'len_ that had come to him so many months ago.

"No, you did not." He answered evenly, opening his door wider. "Please, Seeker Lavellan, won't you come in?"

Dread Wolf take her, but he looked good!

The jeans were loose and worn, hanging from his hips by dark magic. His feet were bare. Lean muscles in his arms exposed from the simple T-shirt. His hair was pulled up in something messy and wild, putting the short buzzing at the sides of his head on display. A few strands fell forgotten and unruly around his chiseled face and Elera felt her insides tense.

She sucked in a sharp breath and held it as she passed him over the threshold. Her aura pushed gently against his in passing, testing it for holes where there were none to be found. He was a fortress, as he'd always been.

Her eyes scanned the familiar living room, but it was different now, almost bare. She felt a surge of panic suddenly well up from some dark place inside her. _He was leaving?_ She bit her bottom lip between her teeth as she heard the door click shut behind her. She closed her eyes for an instant and stilled her nerves. It didn't matter. Not anymore.

"You wrote a paper some years back about lyrium." She began. It was better to keep it professional. If she treated him like a civilian and not Solas, then maybe she could get through this conversation without screaming.

Elera turned around to face him as he moved back into the main room. He walked in a way that was almost mesmerizing. She remembered his walk well. The way he'd place his feet cleanly in front of the other, almost stalking. _Shit._

"I have written many papers on the subject." He stated matter-of-factly. "You may have to be more specific."

Elera clenched her hand at her side. _Smart ass._ "The one about _red lyrium_." She had thought the dealer was being cute about the name, until she'd read Solas' clever paper.

The humor that had been dancing behind the bare-faced elf's eyes died away at the mention of the drug and Elera stiffened.

"What about it?" He asked.

"There's a new drug hitting streets. Has been for months now. Seems to specifically target Templars so far. At least, that's who we've busted with it in their systems. Makes them crazy. Aggressive. Paranoid. Until last night we couldn't seem to get our hands on a sample outside of a bloodstream."

"Until last night? You're in possession of _red lyrium_?" He interrupted and the dread in his voice wasn't lost on the elven Seeker.

Elera licked her lips. "A little under a gram of it, yes."

"Have you touched it?" His voice was hurried, frantic almost.

"Not directly." A single brow rose in question. "Look, I'm not even sure this is _red lyrium_." She made little rabbit ears with her pointer and index finger when mentioning the drug. Solas moved past her and stuffed his feet into a pair of worn running shoes.

"Where is it now?" He asked, perfectly balanced on one foot as he stuffed the other into the shoe.

"In a bag, in another bag, in a box with our forensics team." She crossed her arms over her chest, the leather sighing as she moved. "I came here to ask if you would help examine it." Clearly, he'd already made that leap or maybe he was just that many steps ahead of her.

"Come." He ordered, already back at his door.

Elera's eyes narrowed, storms brewing in their depths. She hated when he did that. Just pulled the rug right out from under her until any semblance of power she'd thought she had was gone. She opened her mouth, ready to lay into the handsome bastard of an elf.

"I have offered to help. That is what you came for." Why did every word feel like a belittlement?

She crossed the space between them in a few hurried steps until she had her chin tilted up at him indignantly. "Why do you know so much?"

Solas snorted. "Is that really a question?"

"Absolutely." Her eyes narrowed, her aura swimming around her, pushing against his, threatening. "I've barely told you anything about this stuff and you're all systems go just like that. _We_ barely know what this shit is, but you paled at the inclination."

"Observant." He said softly. His steely eyes gazing down at her, but his expression was softening. Admiring. "I see you have regained much of yourself."

Elera blinked, feeling suddenly dazed by the gentle hymn of his voice. Her hand clenched into a fist at her side and she hardened her aura. "You have _no_ idea."

There was that bare hint of a smile. Like a silent war behind his eyes. "And yet, you are not sleeping well." He hadn't made it a question.

"Why is everyone so invested in my sleep schedule?" She growled. "And how do you kn—"

"You look tired." The back of his fingers caressed the top of her cheek, just beneath her eye, stopping before he reached the edge of her vallaslin.

She drew her face back as if that sweet brush of skin had burned. "Don't." She warned. It had been six months, maybe a little more, but in an instant the reminder of the pain she'd felt with her knees buried in the snow was fresh and raw once more.

Solas dropped his hand at once, face relaxing into a careful mask. Even he had seemed to allow himself to feel that moment. "Of course." He murmured. "Shall we? I would like to help, if I can. If what you have described is true, this is not a thing to let lie in wait."

Elera moved first, gliding past him and out the door. The scent of arcane texts and wild magic wafting from his skin. The Dalish elf steeled herself against that familiar spice. Instead choosing to remember the way snow felt when it had stopped freezing and started burning. That was how she told herself she had to stay around Solas.

So cold she burned.


	29. The Second Hand

"Oh, Elera, you're here!" Dagna's chipper voice echoed across the lab. "And you brought a friend. Oh! This must be the expert the LS mentioned!" The little dwarven woman was peeling off a pair of bright purple nitrile gloves. She extended her hand toward Solas with an eager smile spread across her full mouth.

"Solas, right?" She asked as she shook the elf's hand. "I'm Dagna. I really enjoyed your paper on measuring the veil. Really fascinating stuff!"

Elera felt her eyebrows raise involuntarily. How many papers had this guy written?

"Thank you. A pleasure to meet you, Dagna." Solas, eloquent as always. "I understand you have a strange form of lyrium in your possession?"

Dagna's pale eyes widened with delight. "Ooh yes! Finally got a sample big enough to run tests on!" She sounded on the verge of bursting with glee.

"And you have this sample well contained?" Solas prodded.

Dagna didn't miss a beat. "Of course! Do you want to see it? I was just about to start my preliminary exam if you'd like to help."

Solas nodded once. "Yes, thank you."

Elera rolled her eyes. "Alright well, you two have fun. Let me know as soon as you've got something." The leather of her jacket sighed as she uncrossed her arms and made a half-turn toward the door. Solas was studying her carefully, but she avoided his direct gaze and slipped back out and to the offices.

Coffee. Coffee. There was never enough fresh coffee. Elera groaned as she stared at the drained pot sitting on the still hot burner. There was a fine, black sludge drying at the bottom of the carafe and she switched off the machine with a huff. She'd have to let the pot cool before washing it out and starting over. The Dalish wondered momentarily if Solas and Dagna would make any progress in the time it would take her to step out for some drive through coffee. Her eyes flicked to the clock mounted on the wall before slumping down into one of the chairs in the small lounge.

"I hate waiting." She grunted to no one as her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. Elera withdrew the device and navigated it with lazy fingers. Bull was throwing a Summerday party at his house and at some point, Elera had agreed to be there. She glanced at the group text and slid her phone back to sleep before resting the device in her lap, her fingers loosely curled around it.

It was almost cold in the little employee lounge. The whirring of the air-conditioning seemed louder or maybe it was the refrigerator she was hearing. It smelled like burnt coffee and anti-freeze. She sighed and slouched lower into the chair. It wasn't particularly comfortable but if she went to her desk there would be paperwork staring back at her. She hated paperwork.

The wall clock grew louder as she stared at it from across the room. The second hand clicking like a metronome that never changed pace. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick…Tock…

Tick.

Tock.

Elera opened her eyes. She didn't remember closing them, but she was so tired it shouldn't have surprised her.

Something was blowing her hair. A breeze that was hot like dragon's breath and smelled like brimstone. She ran her hand through it to catch the wild tendrils, looking around through wisps of hair. The sky was ablaze. Perpetual sunset burning across the heavens, but in its core was a wound spilling inky bile into the air.

"Fuck." She groaned. She'd fallen asleep.

She was standing in the vast field of her own version of the Fade. The tall grass whipped against her legs but there was more than grass spreading out in the field around her. Colorful flowers littered the path, surrounded by threads of thorny vines. Up ahead, Elera could make out the glittering forest of her memories. There were still so many lights flickering in the glass baubles, especially in the younger trees.

From this distance, however, Elera could see more than the tree line of her past. The twisted branches of the _other_ forest hung like a menacing canopy over her memories. Where that white woodland had once stretched out far away from the sunlit path of her past, now it was weaving its way inside it. It was difficult to tell where the two forests had started to merge and Elera realized now why her dreams had become so muddled and frightening over the last few months.

"When did this happen?"

Elera whirled around at the intruding voice in her dream.

Solas stood just behind her, still dressed in the worn denim and simple tee he'd been in his apartment. His feet were as bare as his face.

"Solas." She stated stupidly. Her hands balled into fists at her sides and she ground her teeth together. " _Vara_." She hissed in elvish. "Get out of my head."

But Solas wasn't looking at her. Not really. His eyes scanned the tree line, the field and most specifically, the sky overhead. His expression was closed but she could just make out concern tightening the skin near his eyes.

"How long has it been like this? When did the two forests begin to merge? And how long has _that_ been there?" He was pointing to the pulsing, green tear in the sky.

Elera crossed her arms. "I don't know." She sighed. She couldn't make him leave if he didn't want to. She knew damn well that he was better at all of this than she was. "A while."

"Elera." He said her name, gently, affectionately almost.

She bit her lip. "I don't know exactly. I haven't seen it from this vantage in a while. I didn't notice when it started happening."

"Earlier, it seemed as if you had regained your memories."

Elera rolled her eyes. "Yea, well, I did, at first." She huffed. It had been six months without a word from the bare-faced elf. She'd thought he was gone. Out of her life for better or worse…but now…now he was standing inside her dreams. In a place more intimate than any physical part of her. A place no one would ever share with her. No one else could.

She turned away from him and sighed. "I'd remember a birthday, training with Cassandra, how to use a gun, a cookie recipe Bull loved, the name of one of Dorian's old boyfriends. Tons of moments like a landslide. I'd gotten back years of my life in a couple months. Mostly, the recent stuff. The last five years or so. I know the names of my parents, but I don't remember much about them or much of my clan really. Don't remember the first time my magic manifested or the first spell I ever cast. Still, it was coming back fast enough that it was only a matter of time…" her voice trailed off as she stared at the hole in the sky.

"And then?" Solas prompted.

"And then the other memories slipped in. They were silly at first. Like dreams non-mages must have. You know, where they're flying or singing naked to an ice cream cone or something absurd like that." She hugged her arms tighter. "I dreamt of dragons and giants. Cassandra with a sword and shield. Bull with an axe as big as I am and wearing the most ridiculous striped pants. He looked like a pirate." She smiled to herself, but it didn't linger. Solas remained quiet, letting her finish. "Everyone was there. Not all the time, but sometimes. Josephine had this clipboard with a candle on it and Creators, so many ruffles." Elera shook her head and stilled her breath. "Then came the demons."

"Demons?" He asked it more evenly than anyone else could have. No one said the word _demon_ without sounding a little alarmed.

"I thought I was remembering dreams at first. It was the only thing that made sense, but this was the stuff of nightmares. Who wants to remember their nightmares?"

She felt him move up beside her. She wanted him to comfort her. To touch her. And she didn't. She didn't want to feel the loss of that gentleness once he left again. And he would leave again. She was certain of it.

"And then I remembered that mages don't dream. Not really. Not the way everyone else does. We don't fly or sing naked to ice cream or marry our crush on the back of a griffon or whatever it is that they do while they sleep. And then I was afraid." She said it so softly, she thought maybe he didn't hear the last.

"So you haven't been sleeping." It was a statement.

"Not if I can avoid it. An hour here and there. Four at the most, but I usually set something on fire if I stay out that long." She turned to look at him and as she'd suspected, he was incredibly close now. Elera swallowed hard.

"I might be able to help." He murmured. His eyes seemed warmer in the endless sunset.

Elera pressed her lips into a hard line, sobering against that tender offer of help. "Why? Concerned for me?"

"I am."

"Well, I think I've had enough help from you for one lifetime." She sneered. It was easier to be angry. It was warmer, safer and held her together. Simpler than the fallout of letting him in again.

"Elera I-"

"It's Seeker Lavellan." She corrected bluntly. "Shouldn't you be helping Dagna?"

"The tests take a considerable amount of time. I came to find you. You had fallen asleep in the lounge."

"And that seemed like an invitation to you?" She needled.

She saw one perfectly arched brow raise as his lips betrayed him with a smirk. "Do you often fall asleep on the job, Seeker Lavellan?"

Elera's eyes narrowed. "What I do is none of your business. Besides, I think you made it pretty clear that I'm just an intriguing distraction. One you can _no longer help_." She bit his words from so many months ago back at him. "You can't help me, Solas, and I wouldn't want to distract you." She smiled but it was bitter.

Solas opened his mouth and closed it.

 _Tick. Tock._

She could hear the clock drawing her back to the waking world like an anchor and the Dalish elf grinned.

 _Tick. Tock._


	30. Happy Summerday

_You're such a bitch, but I love you for it._ –Dorian

 _Wish you were here. Miss you! :/ -Elera_

"You going to sit on your phone and do Carta Bombs all night or are you going to be social?" It was Thom. He was hovering over her behind the couch, a glass, half-filled with an energy drink in one hand and a shot of very dark liquid in the other. He was holding the glasses out to the mage in offering and she locked her phone with a quick thumb swipe before setting the device down on her lap and taking the offered drinks.

"Can I be social _and_ do Carta Bombs?" She asked with a grin as she dropped the dark shot into the energy drink and downed the concoction in one go.

Thom laughed gruffly and clasped her shoulder. "That'll do." He took the empty glasses from her and strode back toward the kitchen, presumably for another round.

They were at Bull's house. They'd come, along with a few dozen others, for Bull's Summerday party. It was already well into the evening, but the party was just beginning to really take shape. Elera could smell the burning wood of a bonfire wafting in through the sliding glass doors that led out to the deck and backyard. Music was blaring inside and laughter and conversation filled the rooms of the quaint bachelors pad. Elera had even heard there was a little bit of friendly sparing happening out on the lawn. It was certainly indicative of one of Bull's parties.

"You _still_ sitting here, Boss?" Bull's boisterous voice was as unmistakable as his silhouette as he came into the living room where Elera had planted herself.

"Is that a crime?" She asked with a bit of snark.

"It is if you're sulking." He took a seat next to her on the couch. It was a full sized sofa, but between the lithe elf and the hulking qunari, there was scarcely any more space on the furniture.

Elera rolled her eyes. "I'm not sulking."

"Aren't you?" Bull lifted the brow over his good eye. "Listen, El, this might come as a shock to you, but you are a little transparent when you're pissed off."

Elera sighed.

"You've been here, what, two hours, and the only place I've seen you is here on this couch. I thought maybe you were trying to drink yourself into a stupor and pass out, but that's not it either is it? Something's got your silky little panties more twisted than usual. You need to talk?" Bull gave her what amounted to his best gently shoulder bump, but still rocked Elera into the arm of the couch.

The Dalish elf sighed again, picking at some loose threads in the cushion. "Lord Seeker _suspended_ me today."

"Shit." Bull growled.

"Not a real suspension. Just a _go home and get your shit together before I really suspend you_ suspension."

Bull made a sound in his throat like he knew exactly what she was talking about. "Alright, so you take a couple days off. So what."

The elven mage turned her violet eyes on the qunari and they burned. "I shouldn't be taking a couple days off, Bull. I should be out there catching the sons-of-bitches responsible for this red lyrium shit!"

"Well, do you have any leads? Do you know who the supposed _sons-of-bitches_ are?" He asked and Elera frowned.

"No. Not past the sample Dagna and Solas were examining this morning."

"Solas eh?" There was something in the way he said it that made Elera turn to look at his face. She needed to see his expression, however marred it was.

"Yes, he's working as a consultant. Apparently he's an expert on theoretical lyrium or the like." Her eyes were narrowing the longer she stared at the qunari. She could see the soft smile pulling at his lips like a tender jab into her ribcage. "Spit it out, Bull!" She demanded suddenly.

Now he was grinning fully. "What?"

"Bull, I am not in the mood for your criticisms." She snarled but the big qunari just laughed and the sound was deep, like the shifting of boulders in a mountainside. He slapped her once on the back and she felt all the air rush out of her lungs.

"Krem, bring El another Carta Bomb." He was grinning now, the way he did just before a good fight. "C'mon, you need to punch something."

Elera felt herself smile despite her ire. Now he was talking her language. Her phone buzzed and she glanced down at the device in her lap, expecting to see another reply from Dorian, but it was a different number that lit up her screen.

 _Do you have a moment to talk? –Solas_

Elera stared at the text for several heartbeats. She started to delete the message and turn her phone off, but her thumb hesitated over the screen.

 _No_ –Elera

She pressed send and sighed. Her bottom lip tucked its way behind her teeth and she slid her finger over the phone to darken it and instant before it buzzed again in her palm.

 _The tests are complete. –Solas_

Elera's fingers tapped the screen in rapid succession.

 _Im off duty –Elera_

Krem arrived with her new drink and she made short work of the shot. Her phone buzzed again.

 _Were you sleeping? My apologies if I have woken you. –Solas_

Elera scoffed, her fingers flying.

 _Im sure YOU would know if i were sleeping –Elera_

 _What do u want –Elera_

Now she was staring at her phone, waiting for it to buzz. Bull stood and waved her to follow. Elera did so without hardly an upward glance, already having guessed where he was directing her.

The night air was a pleasant kiss against her skin as she stepped out onto the deck. The air was heavy with the sweet acrid scent of burning wood and smoking meats. She could taste sweat and alcohol like a heady mix on her tongue and the sounds of flesh connecting with flesh and the grunts of struggle weren't far off. There was a small table set up where two men were arm wrestling and further out into the yard there was a wide circle of spectators watching two others locked in a clench. The hot tub was bubbling and steaming on the deck and a sudden burst of laughter spilled out into the night as her phone buzzed in her hand once more.

 _You are angry. –Solas_

That was it? Elera's fingers tapped rapidly in reply.

 _U r annoying -Elera_

She was smiling absently. The reply buzzed almost instantly, as if he'd been typing at the same time.

 _Your Lord Seeker informed me that you are no longer working the case for the moment and that I should direct my findings to your partner. I thought perhaps you would still like to be included. Despite your being "off duty". –Solas_

 _I did not wish to anger or annoy you. Have a good evening, Elera. – Solas_

Elera stared at the last two message and felt her grip tightening on the phone. She relaxed her hand when she felt the metal creak and let go of a long sigh. Why did she let him do this? He was too damned clever and she hated him just a little for it. Manipulative little…

 _Its too loud here –Elera_

 _Perhaps you would like to meet then? –Solas_

Elera thought about it for a moment. She'd reached the edge of the sparring circle with Bull and Krem. She had a wicked idea and began typing Bull's address into the message.

 _C u soon –Elera_


	31. Sparring

She was big, much bigger than Elera, and she hit hard as the void. The Dalish elf could taste blood in her mouth but she wasn't sure if it was her lip or her tongue that was bleeding. Her ear was still ringing from the last hit and the ground was swimming up at her. Though, that could have been because of the Carta Bombs too.

"C'mon, I thought you were some kind of a badass. Aren't you a Seeker or somethin'?" The qunari grunted, curling her fingers in a taunting invitation.

"Careful Kitari." Bull warned, but the big, horned woman rolled her eyes.

"A Seeker and a mage." Elera corrected, breathlessly. "But if I were using any sort of magic on you, you'd be choking on your tongue right about now."

The qunari snorted. "Doesn't seem like much of a fight then." Her horns swept back along her pale, tightly braided hair like the handlebars of a bicycle. The imagery made Elera giggle.

"Somethin' funny?"

Elera licked her lips, grinning. "I was just thinking how often your horns must get used as handlebars."

The woman's grey skin actually flushed violet a moment before she charged. Elera had prepared for her attack, easily sidestepping the much taller woman and driving the heel of her foot into the qunari's back. She heard the air rush out of the other woman's lungs and she pressed the attack with a sweeping kick to the back of her knees. She didn't waste time in advancing, gripping the qunari by the back of her horns and baring her full weight into her spine.

"Sort of like this." Elera teased with a huff as she pressed the other woman's face into the wet grass. She could hear Bull's rumbling laughter echo out into the night as Elera pinned her opponent. The surrounding onlookers cheered, clapped and toasted their drinks to the elf as she rose from the qunari and extended the defeated woman her hand. Kitari stared at the offered help for only a moment before taking it.

When the qunari was back on her feet, she smiled and patted Elera's back roughly enough to make the elf stumble.

"You fight well, for someone so small." She huffed.

"You're not so bad yourself." Elera grinned as she regained her footing. She wasn't certain if she was punch drunk or just drunk, but a familiar face in the crowd sobered her for an instant.

 _Solas_.

He'd actually shown up, and bothered to come inside to find her. Elera wondered exactly how long he'd been standing there. How much of the fight had he seen? His expression was even, pleasant, a perfect mask.

The elf licked her lip, tasting blood. She could only imagine what she looked like as she strode across the lawn toward the other elf, who seemed so out of place among everyone else.

"She is correct. You do fight well." He complimented as she came within reach.

"You heard that, eh?" Elera ran a hand through her long hair. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough." He replied. He'd changed clothes since the morning. The jeans were darker, more fitted. The shirt was collared and he wore the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His long hair was pulled up and away from his face, leaving the sharp angles free to catch the light.

"So, what did the tests say?" She asked before he could catch her staring. Some of the crowd was dissipating, but the sparring circle was resetting itself for the next friendly bout. She moved past him and farther out into the yard where she'd be able to hear him a little better. She felt him fall into step beside her and she resisted the urge to turn her head to steal a glance.

"As I feared, your sample was indeed red lyrium." He stated flatly.

The night air was cool, but held the balm of humidity that marked the season. In ancient times, Summerday had been a celebration to mark the beginning of summer. It was a time for joy and, commonly, marriage. In the mountains, the air was still crisp, but the snow had long since melted and the weather had turned almost pleasant. It was a nice night to be outside.

Elera sighed. "What does that mean exactly?"

"Nothing good, I'm afraid." He murmured.

"What about the Templars? Has anyone notified the Knight-Commander?" Elera asked, crossing her arms.

"You mean your friend, Cullen? I believe your Lord Seeker stated he would be contacting the Knight-Commander himself."

Elera shook her head. "I don't get it. Who's behind this stuff? I mean, we've barely been able to get a sample and no one seems to know who's pulling the strings on this operation. Months and nothing to show for it but what you've just told me." She's turned slightly sideways so she could look at the other elf as they spoke. "You're the expert. How do we help the people who have already come into contact with it? Is there some sort of cure? Can we even track this stuff?"

Half the Templars Elera knew that had been caught with red lyrium had been placed in mental institutions intended for the criminally insane. Such was their mania, their paranoia, that it was impossible to allow them to be in a normal prison facility. Others had to be confined to isolated cells. They were too aggressive and quick to fits of rage. In either case, those once proud individuals were being reduced to almost primal responses. A shell of their former selves.

"There should be a method for treatment, if caught early enough and the individual has not had prolonged exposure to the red lyrium. I have shared my theories with Dagna and she is hopeful that she can create a remedy."

Elera balled her hands into fists at her sides. Her knuckles were still sore from her round with the qunari and the more the alcohol wore off, the more she felt it.

"We've got to catch these sons-of-bitches." She swore. She licked the corner of her mouth and tasted blood again.

"You're bleeding." Solas stated, shifting closer.

Elera ran her tongue along her bottom lip. She felt the sting of the wound when she found it, still open. She smiled and shrugged. "She caught me pretty good. No big deal."

Solas gently placed his thumb against her lip. The gesture had been so sudden, Elera hadn't had time to react angrily. She could feel his other fingertips brushing against her chin and she stilled beneath his touch.

There was heat beneath the pad of his thumb suddenly. It was a pleasantly warm and almost tingling sensation. Faintly, Elera saw the glow of his magic as it carefully mended the broken skin of her lip.

Healing magic was relatively basic. At least the spells for repairing the occasional cut or bruise. Broken bones, severed limbs, ruptured organs, those spells could take a lifetime to master. It was probably one of the reasons so few true healers still existed in a world of modern medicine.

Elera had remembered the simple spell for healing a minor wound, however, she rarely used it. Still, she knew what the magic felt like, and it was different than this. _Solas' magic_ felt different. More sophisticated somehow. It was the difference between hearing a child bang on pots and pans and a well-tuned symphony.

She felt that warm prickle of energy dissolving against her skin as the soft glow faded to darkness.

"There." Solas said simply, but Elera felt his thumb brush a lingering caress across her lip as he drew his hand away.

She swallowed hard and licked her lip reflexively. "Thanks, but you didn't need to do that."

"I know. I wanted to." He was staring at her and she curled her toes inside her boots. How was he able to do this to her so easily?

Elera cleared her throat. "Well, we need to track down the source of this red lyrium." She shifted, continuing her walk toward the front yard and the line of cars parked along the road.

" _We_?" Solas quirked.

"Mostly, me, but you know more about this shit than I do. Where could they be getting it from? Is it man made? Manufactured or does it grow from somewhere?" Regular lyrium was a natural occurring mineral that was mined and processed into a less toxic form for consumption by Templars. She couldn't imagine that something like red lyrium could occur naturally without anyone discovering it.

"It is both and neither." Solas explained and Elera gave him an exasperated look. "It is a form of lyrium that has been tainted. If given precedence, it can grow and spread, like an infection."

Elera scratched one long ear with the tips of her fingernails. An anxious tick she'd recovered from her memories.

"The dealer said something about getting drop off locations and times. Said it always changed." She mused absently.

"That makes sense. The greater the quantity, the more dangerous red lyrium can become. It can begin affecting its surrounds. Growing even. It would become difficult to hide if there were large amounts in any given place." Solas offered.

"So they have to be leaving it in places without a lot of foot traffic. Abandoned buildings or warehouses. Something like that."

"Possibly. Though, your dealer could have been traveling out of town for his cargo." The other mage countered, but Elera didn't think so.

She shook her head. "No, not the small time ones. The low level guys are picking up local drops. Small packages I'm guessing. It would be a lot of effort to move only a single load for one peddler. There's got to be dozens. That means they need a place to keep the inventory before distributing to the low rung guys. Too big and too dangerous for hiding in a closet. Still, not a big enough stash to be noticeable in say, a shipping yard or warehouse."

Elera smirked. It wasn't much to go on, but it was more than they had.

She looked at Solas. "Can you track this stuff? I mean, can you tell what we're looking for?"

He blinked at her, pausing only a moment before answering. "I believe so. Though I would caution-"

"Great! I have an idea of where we need to start looking. C'mon, you're driving."

She didn't give him time to retort. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. She'd already made up her mind and was halfway across the lawn before he could protest.


	32. Through the Looking Glass

Elera shined her flashlight into another stack of crates. There was nothing, no glint of red light, no eerie singing, nothing but cobwebs. It had been the same in every other building they'd been through. There was a section of warehouses along the docks that had been abandoned for years. As far as Elera knew, they were empty, but they did get the occasional squatter or vandal and would have been the perfect place to store mysterious, illegal substances. Even so, their search had turned up empty and Elera was getting tired. The weight of the alcohol burning out of her system combined with the fact that she was running practically on empty as it was only made things more difficult.

The Dalish elf sighed, lowering her flashlight to let her eyes readjust to the dark. Solas was close by, inspecting their surroundings in his own, peculiar way. It was as if he could see things in the air and along the walls that she couldn't. If there was any red lyrium stashed here, he would have notice.

Elera sighed. There was nothing here, but she called out in a breathy whisper to the other mage. "Anything?"

Solas turned and shook his head without a word. Elera nodded. It was what she'd expected him to say and she flipped the switch on her flashlight and waved him toward the door. Maybe it was simply poor timing or maybe she had it all wrong. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was on the right track, however. There had to be something here. Had to have been, at the very least.

"I thought for sure there would be something." She murmured softly as she opened the door to the oily scent of the dock's air. She'd nearly stepped over the threshold when she noticed them just slipping through a loading bay in an adjacent building. They were hooded, as if that wasn't suspicious in itself. The one holding the door was large and looked like the hired muscle he was, but the one that she saw go through into the warehouse was better dressed and almost lithe. It might have even been a woman.

Elera froze and ushered Solas back into the building they'd been about to emerge from. She kept watch through the small crack she left in the door. It wasn't much to go on. Just two suspicious characters entering an abandoned warehouse together. It could have been nothing, but she wasn't the sort who left things to chance. It was just too convenient.

"Did you see that?" She breathed. She could feel Solas against her back, peering over her shoulder.

"I did." He stated quietly. "Perhaps you should call your colleagues?"

Elera was shaking her head as she continued to watch the strangers. The muscled man glanced around once before slipping into the building behind his counterpart.

"No, not yet. We don't know if these are the people we're looking for. Could be squatters. Could be nothing."

"And if these are indeed the lyrium smugglers you're searching for?" Solas asked softly.

"Then I'm going to haul their asses in." Elera replied smugly.

"Elera, I would advise caution. Red lyrium is extremely volatile and dangerous. It affects individuals differently. I suspect that you have only seen minor cases of its influence. There are much worse things."

"Noted." Elera was only half listening to his warning, her fingers already typing rapidly against her phone as she texted him Cassandra's number. "Listen, if I'm not back in ten minutes, call this number. Tell Cassandra to get her ass down here a.s.a.p."

"You want me to stay here?" Solas asked. He didn't sound offended, just concerned.

"You're a civilian, Solas. I can't have you getting hurt." She only realized what she'd said after it was out of her mouth.

"You were willing to allow me to help you search. I think you know that I am more than capable." It wasn't so much a protest as a statement.

"I never said you weren't." She smiled briskly and slipped her phone into her pocket. "Ten minutes." She reaffirmed, slipping through the door and leaving him behind.

Solas might have been a mage, but he wasn't a fighter. He was a bookworm, a scientist, a historian, a philosopher, a pacifist. All the things she wasn't. All the things that she didn't want to have to babysit in a firefight, if it came to that. She might have been angry with him still, but it didn't mean she wanted him dead, and certainly not if she could prevent it.

Elera slipped around the cluster of dilapidated warehouses and empty freight boxes toward the building she'd seen the trespassers slipping into. As she got closer, she realized that it wasn't a warehouse so much as an old manufacturing plant. She couldn't remember what they had been making when the place was still operational. If she had, it might have given her a clue as to why they would have wanted to use it to store their lyrium. Then again, it could have been irrelevant. Either way, it hardly mattered now.

She took the steps up the fire escape two at a time with scarcely a sound beneath her feet. There was a door leading inside, locked of course. Elera took the knob into one hand and pressed the other over the deadbolt. She took a deep breath and called frost to her fingertips. She heard the old, rusted lock groan as the metal grew brittle beneath the extreme cold. Ice spread across the door frame as she weakened the locks and gave the door a quick shove with her shoulder. There was a brief sound of resistance before the door gave up its defense and cracked open.

The elven mage slipped inside as she threw a barrier around herself. She stopped just inside the doorway, holding her breath as she allowed her eyes to adjust to the darkness once more. Her skin shimmered just beneath the surface every now and again, reminding her of the barrier of magic waiting there. She'd have to remember to recast it after a while.

For a few heartbeats, there was nothing. Just the quiet echoing through the vast space of forgotten machines and assembly lines. Then she heart the faint murmur of voices somewhere deeper inside. She waited, stretching her senses in an attempt to make out the chatter. She caught snatches of phrases, a few words and little else. She heard _shipment_ and _move_ and a word she'd never heard before.

 _Eluvian._

 _What the hell is an Eluvian_? She thought to herself. She couldn't see the two figures who had made their way inside the building initially, but she was certain she had heard more than two voices. They weren't alone.

Elera kept her back pressed tight against the catwalk until she reached a new staircase that led down and into what seemed like an office area of the plant. Papers were scattered across the dusty, cement floors. The air was stale and tasted of diesel fuel. She had to be careful not to bump into any stray tools or forgotten machinery. The place was a maze of equipment and boxes and in the dark it was a treacherous place.

"Get the last of it through the mirror and we'll move it once you're clear." A voice huffed. It was female and frustrated by the sound of it.

Elera peered around one of the massive assembly lines blocking her line of sight. She could see two people clearly. The large hooded muscle from outside and the smaller framed individual. It was a woman, her hair pulled tightly down at the nape of her neck in intricate knots. It was difficult to tell in the light, but she appeared to be blond.

"Let's hurry this up men. I don't like that we had to use the front door this time." She hissed and Elera peeked farther around to see that there was indeed something like a huge, towering mirror just past the two intruders. It did not cast a reflection back, however. It shimmered with what looked like the surface of liquid magic. Elera could almost hear the magic speaking to her from beyond the glass, even at this distance.

Out of her direct line of sight, came two other men, each carrying a crate with a soft red glow pulsing from within. They crossed the room in front of the blond and to the mirror, where, to Elera's shock, they stepped right through the glass.

She felt her mouth gape open as she watched, frozen to her hiding place. The blond glanced at her watch and grumbled to herself.

"As soon as they take those last two crates over there we're loading this thing and we're gone, understand." She instructed the other, larger man.

There were only two of them now, as far as Elera could tell. She didn't know if they had weapons or if they could cast magic. The Dalish mage glanced at her own watch. Her ten minutes were almost up and Cassandra would never make it before they'd hauled off with all the evidence. Elera wasn't sure if she'd get another chance.

She stilled herself and focused her energies on creating a static cage around the bigger thug. She knew that once the cage manifested, she'd have very little time for anything else. Cassandra would have announced herself. Given the assailants a chance to surrender first. That just wasn't Elera's style.

She inhaled sharply as she cast the spell and the electric field sprang up around the hulk of a man. In an instant the blond woman was on high alert, spinning around to find the source of the magic. Elera pulled the Fade around herself. Rushing ahead in a blur of steps that were nearly invisible until she stopped right in front of the human woman. There was a moment of realization on the human's face before Elera shrouded herself in a Fade cloak and passed through the woman and emerged with a blast of force that sent the other woman flying.

"S.O.T., no one move!" Elera declared loudly. She felt a massive drop in her mana from the rapid spell use, but she steadied herself as she brandished her badge. "You're under arrest for the—"

"Stupid elf-bitch!" The blond was getting up, a barrier springing to life around her. So she _was_ a mage. "You have no idea of what you've just walked into." She snarled.

"Oh, you mean like smuggling red lyrium?" Elera spat.

The blond straightened and smoothed out the wrinkles in her clothes. She began to laugh, low, slowly, until it bubbled out of her almost manically.

"You talk about it as if you have any idea what it _really_ is." She mocked. Elera clenched her hand at her side, willing the magic in her bracer to come forward. She felt the energy light along the bangle, the spirit blade waiting to be unsheathed, just beneath her fingertips.

"Why are you targeting Templars?" Elera asked. She wondered briefly if she could stall long enough for the cavalry to arrive.

The blond woman smirked wickedly. "Targeting them? Hardly. We're setting them _free_." She cooed, her eyes flickering for an instant to something behind the elf. Elera heard the weapon being drawn an instant before she spun. She should have recast her barrier sooner, but there was no time.

A voice cried out, echoed through the abandoned factory. It sounded like Solas', but it was difficult to focus on. Everything happened so fast.

She felt the bullet puncture her skin. It hardly even hurt, at first. Then there was pain. It lanced out and through her like vines covered with thorns. Weaving its way through her veins until she felt like she might split open.

At some point she collapsed and with her, all her magic. The static cage fell and the world swam around her. She could hear the human woman shouting orders. Could hear footfall. The scuffling of boots on cement. But it was like she was contained in a bubble. Everything seemed far away. Everything seemed surreal.

Then she felt his hands on her. Felt him turn her over and gather her into his arms. His face was frantic. His mouth moving, saying words she couldn't seem to hear. She could see the bright, shimmering light of his magic. Could feel it all around her. His skin almost glowed with it.

She wanted to tell him she hadn't wanted him to leave. That it wasn't how she wanted it to end. That she had missed him.

But then the pain came again. Like fire burning its way out of her. Her spine bowed to the white hot agony inside her until even that was eaten away by the darkness swallowing her world.

"NO!" He cried out, but he'd been too late.

He'd given her, her ten minutes. Even as he told himself not to. Even as he knew it was a bad idea. He'd called Cassandra. Given her the address. She'd told him to wait, but he'd waited too long already. And now…

He'd slipped in through the ruined door Elera had left at the top of the fire escape. He'd heard the commotion, rushed to help, but had arrived too late.

Too late to stop a bullet.

"Hurry! Through the eluvian!" The blond woman shouted at her henchmen.

"But what about—" One of them protested.

"We'll close it from the other side!" She hissed.

"What about her? She's not dead." The gunman asked.

Solas didn't think. He was only reactions then. Cold spread across the gunman faster than he could even register it, until he was nothing but a block of solid ice. Solas pulled on the Fade, drawing a boulder to his will and sending its unearthly force into the frozen human. The block of ice shattered, along with the man.

The elven mage turn his attentions toward the eluvian, but there was only the faint ripple of magic as the last enemy fled through it and it dulled to stillness.

Elera groaned from the floor and Solas dropped to his knees at her side. He rolled her over slowly, gathering her into his arms. The bullet had entered somewhere near her shoulder above her heart. The blood was already beginning to soak through her shirt. The elf called gentle, calming spirit energies to his hands as he drew her close. He traced a quick healing glyph over the wound to slow the bleeding but it seemed ineffective and Solas had a sudden, horrible thought.

Briefly, Elera's eyes opened, and she seemed to focus on his face. She was clearly in pain and most likely not focusing on any one thing in particular, but there was almost a soft smile on her lips an instant before her spine bowed in pain.

"Elera, hold on." Solas urged her.

She blinked rapidly at him, tears spilling over in her eyes, and he saw her irises shimmer with a vague, red hue.

"No!" He murmured, staring at the wound suddenly. It was there, beneath the blood and broken tissue, the faint glow of red lyrium.

Elera cried out again, worse this time. Her eyes were wide, sightless as she screamed wordlessly.

" _Tel'vara_!" He begged her in elvish. She needed to stay conscious, as much as it pained her to. The infection would spread faster without her fighting it. " _Sathan._ "

He could hear the sirens of approaching help, but they had no cure for this yet. Their hospitals would have no remedy that could save her and allowing them to take her would only condemn her.

Solas glanced toward the quiet eluvian just as Elera's body tensed and her spine bowed for the final time. He felt her shudder as she went limp in his arms unable to combat the raw red lyrium oozing into her veins. She had very little time left. This was going to kill her.

The bare-faced elf stood with her in his arms. He walked to the towering glass of the eluvian and touched a finger to it. The mirror responded to his magic immediately. The surface shimmering to life in swirls of blue light.

He glanced down at Elera. Her expression slack from unconsciousness. " _Tel'vara_." _Don't go._ He repeated in elvish.

This wasn't the hand he'd wanted to play. This wasn't how things were supposed to go, but then, things never did go according to plan. He'd learned that the hard way, more times than he could count.

Solas stepped through the eluvian with Elera in his arms. They crossed the magical barrier and into the Crossroads of the Ancient Elves. When they were fully inside the pocket of space between worlds, Solas turned back to the mirror and with a tap of his fingertip, closed the eluvian on the other side.

Now, no one could follow them.


	33. Era

There were nightmares hiding behind her eyelids.

Monsters made of jagged shards of red crystal. Red lyrium behemoths. The bellowed sounds that were no longer human. They were only the pain and rage. Their bodies torn apart from the inside. The infection spreading until they were more monster than man.

Elera saw them, heard them, coming for her, calling to her.

She screamed.

A dragon screeched out into the sky. Is dark wings flapping like thunderclaps through the air. It breathed red lyrium like molten glass and it struck the ground in thick shards of plague.

The ground trembled beneath its great weight and Elera felt her ears split at the sound of its maddening cry.

Her mouth opened in a wordless shriek.

Twisted forms slithered out from the dark places. Broken versions of how they'd begun. Creatures of raw emotion. They had names. Pride, Desire, Envy, Fear, Terror, Rage…

Demon.

Elera's eyes shot open. The room was dark, unfamiliar. It smelled of sweet herbs and magic. She couldn't discern the details. Couldn't make sense of where she was. She heard a voice speaking to her in elvish she'd never heard. Words she didn't understand from a voice she recognized and clung tightly to.

 _Solas_.

She felt his warm hands against her forehead. Felt his magic slide over her, chasing back the burning pain. She opened her mouth and closed it. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth and she couldn't seem to form any words. She was heavy. So very heavy.

" _Era._ " She heard him say softly. _Sleep._

Her eyes blinked open to a warm, blue sky. Fluffy, white cumulus clouds drifted across it in a slow lazy motion. Distantly, she swore she heard birds drifting in over the rustle of leaves overhead. She could feel sunshine on her skin and could see the filtered rays dappling in through a loose canopy of treetops surrounding her.

Elera sat up, finding a bed of soft, green grass beneath her. She ran her hand over the blades, back and forth, enjoying the cool brush of undergrowth. She heard a tinkling above her, like wind chimes, and she looked up to see the familiar glass orbs of her memories. They were sparser now, but still glittered in the sunlight like spun glass.

She rose to her feet slowly. A soft, cottony chemise fell to the middle of her calves. Her feet and arms were bare and her hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back in a fall of dark waves. The breeze picked up around her, bringing the rustle of colorful leaves with it. The orbs jingled above her, creating a gentle sort of music as she made her way through the ethereal forest of her dreams.

Elera emerged from her forest of memories to a field of wildflowers and she paused with her toes inches away from the first stem. What had once been a simple field of tall grass had transformed into a minefield of thorny fauna in recent months. But staring out across the field now, Elera could see no sign of the tangle of wicked thorns and their accompanying blooms. These flowers were different, their colors softer, their petals smaller. Their scent was familiar. Like herbs and magic.

The Dalish elf took a tentative step into the field and found that it was blessedly free of thorns. She heaved a sigh of relief and took another step and then another. Elera glanced up into the sky every once and a while as she walked across the sunbathed field of wildflowers. The last time she'd slept, the sky had been torn asunder. Chaos and demons had bled from a great wound in the endless sunset and her dream world had been shadowed in eerie green light. Now, the sky was bright and cheerful and Elera closed her eyes to the warm breeze flowing through her hair and the feel of the sun against her skin.

She smiled and breathed deeply of the scent of sweet herbs and magic. Distantly, she could see the pale forest that had twisted itself into her real memories until all that waited for her there were confusion and nightmares. The branches of the trees no longer seemed the contorted tendrils they'd become, but the pale bark of something magical. The foliage shimmered in the sunlight and Elera could make no sign of the shadows that had once waited for her in the depths of the tree line.

She heard water babbling from somewhere close by and as if she'd conjured it with a thought, she caught the distinct outline of a stream flowing in a glittering path between the two forests. She realized that the field was set upon an incline that led down into the forests themselves. She'd walked up one incline to reach the middle of the field, but at this distance, she could see how the water fed the two woods, even if she'd never noticed it before.

Elera tried to follow the length of the stream it its source, but the water's path drew her eye to a figure perched on top of a large boulder. His dark hair blew wildly behind his long, pointed ears. His sharp eyes were focused on the sunlight breaking across the water's surface. He was dressed strangely. In a cream colored tunic and forest green pants that clung to his sculpted legs like a second skin. She could see his bare feet tucked up close, one knee drawn up with an arm resting lazily atop it. There was something clutched in his hand. It sparkled in the light.

"Solas?" Elera edged closer to the other elf atop his perch. The wind whipped her dress and played with the ends of her hair.

"The red lyrium would have killed you." He said absently. He didn't even turn to look at her. "You were delirious. Your fever was too high. I know you did not ask for my help, but even your dreams were causing you pain. I had to…"

Elera walked slowly around the massive boulder so that she could see Solas fully. Only when she was directly in front of him did he truly focus on her. He was wearing a necklace. The jawbone of a wolf, draped around his neck on a thin leather cord. He looked exotic and wild, even in his calm. His eyes catching the sunlight just so.

In his hand, Elera could see that it was one of her memories he held, but not the teardrops of her elusive past. This was one of the strange, veil quartz orb formations of her pale forest. There was a small crack in its surface. Light and sound drifted out of its fissure in ebbing waves.

"Had to what?" She asked, her eyes darting from the orb in his hands to the raw expression on his face.

"Reshape this place into something that would not cause you more pain." He stated, as if that was an easy enough answer to swallow. "I separated the forests of your memories and created the stream between them. A barrier of sorts." His eyes drifted down to the orb in his hands. " _This_ fell from one of the white branches. Like over ripened fruit. The memories are near to bursting from their shells."

Elera rested her hip against the boulder and stared at him thoughtfully. "But those aren't memories, Solas. Just weird dreams and nightmares. They don't make any sense really. At least none of the ones I've seen."

"That is what _I_ told you. What was easiest to say at the time." There was such an anguish in his eyes. Elera wanted to go to him and wrap her arms around him. It was as if all the anger she'd felt had been smothered by a desire to comfort him.

"I don't understand." She was shaking her head.

"I know." He closed his fingers around the glass in his hand. "I am not certain you can…if you will."

He wasn't making sense. Solas didn't always explain things in the laymen, but he was rarely so cryptic. She wondered if he'd seen something in the glass. Heard something whispered from the oily surface of the veil quartz that had shaken him down in his bones.

Elera held out her hand. "May I?"

The bare-faced elf shook his head then. "Not _this_ one." His voice was a soft plea.

"Why? Solas, what did you see?"

As if it had been queued, the wind began to gust around them. Loose blades of grass and stray flower petals whirled up and into the wild air. He stared at her with his steely eyes and she felt like he could see right through her. As if he saw the very essence of her. Her spirit. Her soul. It sent a shudder through the Dalish elf, but she refused to look away as his lips parted in response.

" _Myself_."


	34. Evasion

He could see the confusion spread across her lovely face. Even with the vallaslin marring her skin. He knew what lay beneath it. He'd seen it before. Set it free.

He'd been lying to himself. Lying to her. Half-truths were often kinder than reality. But he wasn't sure if they were truly a kindness anymore.

He'd been awake for years, decades even, before she'd ever run into him in that café. Though, that moment, when his name fell from her lips, it had been as if the sound had returned in a mute world. He was suddenly alive again.

But his purpose hadn't changed.

He'd woken to a world far worse than the one he'd left behind. A world his actions had shaped. A world crying out in desperation. A plea that had fallen on deaf ears. It had taken him longer this time. Longer to grasp his surroundings. Longer to acclimate himself into this new time and place. Longer to find what remained of his agents and rekindle what remained of his power.

In all the time he'd slept. In all the time he'd been awake since. He'd never thought. He'd never even dreamed…

"Solas?" She was blinking up at him. Her expression full of soft concern. Concern he didn't deserve. She owed him nothing.

In her eyes was a demand for answers and understanding. How could he make her understand who she was? How she'd come to be. It was too much to ask of her and she was still too much a part of _this_ world to accept it.

Even if he'd seen the truth in her memories and now had to accept it himself.

"Your assailants shot you with a bullet containing red lyrium in a liquid form. It spread through your system at a ferocious speed." He wasn't answering her questions. Perhaps he never would. Perhaps that would be better for her. At least she could live this life. If she survived what was coming.

"Solas that's not what I—"

"I have contained the infection but you are still very weak and are currently under a form of sedation." He curled his fingers tightly around the memory he'd taken from her. One she need not remember. Not now, perhaps, not ever. He wanted to save her from that pain, at least. If he could.

"I—" She began. She licked her lips, the tip of her tongue running right over the deep purple line of vallaslin that bisected her bottom lip. He knew he was staring at her. Watching the movement with predatory fascination. "Thanks for saving me back there, but I still don't understand-"

He cut her off. "You will be able to wake when your body is ready." He slid down from the boulder and pocketed the little knot of glass in his hand. He began walking toward the tree line, along the edge of the stream.

"Wait! Where are you going? You can't just leave me here." She was rushing after him. He heard her footsteps slashing against the shallow bank.

"Your friend Cassandra is coming by to check on your progress." He answered briskly, as if that should have explained it well enough.

"So I'm stuck here until when?"

"Until you are stronger. You cannot know how close you came to succumbing to your wounds." He inhaled sharply and continued on.

"Meanwhile you'll what? Dip in and out of my mind whenever it suits you to say weird, cryptic shit and then bail?" Her footsteps were heavy, angry. Her anger was always easier to understand. Easier to accept. "You can't do that, Solas!"

He'd led her to the edge of the pale forest. To the edge of her other life. He could feel her on his heels. The hem of her dress teasing along his calves. How many times had he stood with his back to her while she called out for him?

Solas closed his eyes. "I won't leave you."

There was a gust of wind. A swirling current of leaves that made her raise her hands to shield her eyes.

 _Yet._


	35. Lasa Ghilan

Elera lowered her arms when the strange breeze had died down. As she suspected, Solas was gone.

"Well, that was dramatic." She huffed.

He'd left her at the edge of the white trees. With the sun shining brightly above her, the bark seemed almost iridescent. The crimson leaves glittered with unseen depth in the new light. She could see the glinting of veil quarts along the branches as the bulbs of memory caught the sun. She felt like she heard music wafting in from somewhere deep within the forest and occasionally she saw a flicker of blue, like a wisp peeking out from between the trees.

Elera sighed and took a step toward the strange forest. Solas hadn't been lying about the orbs being _over ripe_. She could see that many of them had fallen to the floor, while others shone more brightly than they had before.

Just like the woodland she'd created to house her own forgotten memories, the pale forest began with a few sparse saplings before giving way to the thicket of larger trees. Elera passed through these small trees first, but stopped when her toe grazed the edge of a fallen orb.

The Dalish elf glanced down at the tiny ball of glass and reached for it. Her fingertips had scarcely grazed its surface before light swelled inside it and the barriers surrounding it fell away to reveal the magic within.

A little girl with hair the color of blood soaked earth gazed at her from a reflection in a rain puddle. Her ears stuck out from beneath her fall of thick hair. Freckles dotted her dirty cheeks and across her nose and eyes that were a strange mix of violet and blue gazed back at her from the water. She wore a simple shift, laces pulled neatly at the top of the dress.

" _Da'len_." A warm, feminine voice called softly. "Don't stray, lest the _Dread Wolf_ catch your scent."

Elera felt the hair at the nape of her neck stand on end at the sound of the woman's voice. The child bolted at the gentle threat, calling out as her bare feet padded across the wet earth.

"Coming, _Mamae_!"

"Mother…" Elera echoed as the image faded before her. She caught a few of the blue wisp-like figures peeking out deeper into the forest and when she met their curious light they shifted quickly from view.

The mage continued onward, careful to avoid any fallen baubles as she walked. The forest seemed so different than the last time she'd slept and she wondered how Solas had changed it. How had he chased back the thorns and the nightmares? He'd left it glittering before her like magic.

There was a larger orb, at the edge of the main cluster of trees. It pulsed as she drew nearer and once again Elera reached out and it dissolved as easily as the first. It had been so difficult to unlock these orbs before. Why was it so simple now? As if they _wanted_ to be freed.

There was little to see inside the orb. Just the face of an older, female elf. Her face was focused and covered by the full branches of Mythal's vallaslin. She made no sound as she worked, but Elera could almost feel a deep sense of pride behind the wizened woman's gray eyes. She was staring back at her for what felt like the longest time before Elera _felt_ it.

Pain.

A deep, burning sensation running across her forehead. She felt it cutting deep as blood welled to the surface and Keeper Istimaethoriel carefully etched the symbol of June into her skin. She made no sound, as that would have been a sign of weakness to her clan and she was not weak. She steeled her expression, willed her nerves to dull against the pain as she undertook the right. She was the First of her clan. She would one day lead them as their Keeper. This step was one of many that she had taken and would take. She welcomed the sting of the needle as it cut into her flesh. Was proud to accept the blessing of the Creators.

The image faded and Elera found herself touching the lines on her face. The vallaslin. The blood writing. It was the same and it wasn't. That wasn't how it had happened for her…and yet…it felt as if that very moment she'd witness had been happening to her.

"What is this?" She asked no one as she looked around the pale forest.

How many hours had passed? She had no real way of knowing. The sun never seemed to move and there were no clocks in the Fade. How long until she could wake up? How long until Solas came back for her?

Elera sighed as the last shimmer of magic and light faded from the newest orb. She'd touched so many now. So many images of people who felt familiar but she knew there was no way she had ever met. So many moments filled with emotions she swore she had felt, but knew were impossible. They were dreams. Just strange dreams.

 _That is what I told you. What was easiest to say at the time._

Solas' words whispered through her and she shook her head.

"What in the void did you mean, Solas?" She asked aloud.

There was a sound just ahead of her. Like a rock landing in soil. She glanced toward the intrusion to see a glittering orb rolling lazily toward her. It pulsed as if it were alive and Elera heard the wisps around her drawing close. They whispered to one another like the curious spirits she imagined they were.

"You want to see this one, huh?" She asked them, not expecting an answer. She wondered if maybe she was starting to go mad. A kind of Fade cabin fever.

She reached for the fallen jewel, muttering to herself as she went for it. "Alright, but this is the last one. I need to—"

One caress of her fingertip sent the glass into a thousand sparkling slivers. They sang like chimes as magic curled out from their surface, twisting and forming into a cohesive image. The eerie green light reached for her, caressed her, until she'd been drawn into a circle of near blinding light.

Elera blinked frantically, her vision full of spots. She could hear water rushing close by. The untamed roar of a waterfall. She could feel the mist caressing her cheeks with moisture. The earth felt cool beneath her legs, her knees bearing her weight into the stone. Her clothes felt tight and heavy. They were sticky with blood and gore and she could feel old wounds and new hurts biting into her body.

Searing, white hot pain lanced through her hand and up her arm. It burned and sang of madness in her ears. She glanced momentarily at the source and was blinded by the bright green energy consuming her left arm.

A face gazed down at her in concern and something like regret as she cried out in pain.

 _Solas!_

He was adorned in form fitting, glittering armor. The pelt of some long dead animal wrapping down from his shoulder and across his chest. His scalp was bare and smooth but his face was the same sharp eyes and chiseled angles.

He looked like a god.

" _Solas, var lath vin suledin."_ The words were out of her mouth in frantic pleading. Even as she struggled past the pain wreaking havoc through her body.

"I wish it could, Vhenan." The look on his face broke her heart.

Another wave of pain tore through her and she couldn't keep from crying out.

"My love…" He leaned over her, kneeling to be within reach. She watched as his eyes filled with a strange blue light and his hand slid over the green chaos of her arm.

Then, he kissed her.

She felt the first tear slip down her cheek as the pain dulled away beneath the feel of his lips against hers. There was such sorrow in his kiss. It felt like the end. Like the thing he'd meant it to be.

 _Goodbye_.

He stood and gave her a final, lingering look. The pain in her arm had ebbed away to nothing. Numb. But the pain in her chest felt almost unbearable. She wondered briefly, if the pain in her arm had simply moved into her heart.

"I will never forget you." He murmured.

She did nothing. Could do nothing. Simply watched as he turned from her one final time and slipped away into the eluvian.

Elera's hands fell into the earth as she collapsed on all fours. The ground was no longer covered in stone but in the rich soil of her dream forest. The spirits that had been eagerly watching her were close enough to touch as the magic faded around her. Though it was another figure that stood out among the pale trees and glittering orbs of misplaced memory.

The Dalish mage lifted her tear-stained face toward Solas as he stood looking so much like himself and yet suddenly so much like a stranger.

Her breath was thick, heavy and she had to heave the words at him to free them from her lungs. "What. The fuck. Was that?"


	36. How Many Times?

How many times?

How many times had he gazed at her with tears staining her lovely cheeks while she pleaded with him? How many times had he left her kneeling in the damp earth while she begged him not to go? How many times had he broken her beautiful heart while she promised she'd save him?

How many times?

Solas watched the ancient memory fade around them and felt another piece of himself die inside. He'd lived and relived it a thousand times, among so many other memories of her. It never stopped hurting. It never got any easier. No matter how indifferent his expression might have suggested.

He had dreamed of meeting her again. In another time. Another place. _Another world._ One where they could finally be together. Be happy.

This was not that world.

Her hands were entrenched deeply in the rich soil beneath them. Her breaths were labored and choked as she fought back against the memory that so wanted to be reclaimed.

Her violet eyes swirled with storms of confusion and blind rage. Tears made them shine in the ethereal light of the forest. Her hair had slipped forward, shrouding the curve of her face, but her eyes were unobstructed and they bore into him with such a demand as her question heaved from her lips.

"A memory." He answered evenly.

"Whose?" She choked.

Solas kept his expression as blank as possible. The way a physician was supposed to when delivering news of a terminal illness.

"Yours." He murmured.

Her hand lashed out. The orb was flying through the air before it had fully unraveled, and the memory crashed against a nearby tree in a dust cloud of blue-green light.

"Bullshit!" Elera shouted over him before he'd barely finished uttering the word. She'd hung her head and was fighting to swallow back the tears that had so decimated her speech, while images of a life she didn't remember cast shadows over them.

"Is it so difficult to believe that you might retain memories of a life before this one?" He asked. He made it a simple question. His voice carried little inflection. No judgement of her inability to see the possibilities of her situation.

She pushed herself upright, rocking back on her knees to rest her weight on her heels. "What are you talking about? Reincarnation?"

"Of a sort." It wasn't what he'd come to believe had happened to her, but if that was the explanation that was easiest to grasp, then he would allow her to believe what she needed to. For now.

"No!" She spat. There was a low hanging branch. An orb glittered at its end and Elera snatched it from the air. The moment it touched her skin, the quartz began to disintegrate and light emerged. She threw it at him, but it was little more than dust and magic between them. She could see Solas' face in the memory, eyes bright, full mouth smiling, before it faded and revealed the flesh and blood elf standing before her. His expression altogether different.

Solas felt one dark brow arch in question. "No?"

"No, I don't believe that." She stammered. "No, I'm not some reincarnation of some ancient elf woman. I'm Elera Lavellan. I-" She shook her head.

Solas was letting her rant, but she'd given pause, her eyes darkening with some new revelation. She fixed that angry gaze upon him and he watched her hands form into fists at her side.

" _You!_ " She accused, standing. The rage in her voice renewed. " _Dreamers_ can shape the Fade. Can manipulate the dreams of others."

Solas sobered his expression. He might have expected denial. "And you believe that _I_ planted these memories?"

"You're the only one capable." She hissed, clinging to her rage like a child to a blanket.

"I thought all Seekers were immune to such manipulations?" He offered. There was an air of condescendence in his voice that he could not control.

Elera's mouth opened and closed like a suffocating fish.

"How do you suppose you knew my name that night at the café?" He wanted her to form her own conclusions, but in her accusations, she was gravely misinformed.

"I…I don't know." She swallowed. "I thought maybe I knew you before…before the coma." Her voice had lost some of its sting.

"And so you did." He felt his lips twitch into a soft, sad smile.

She kicked a fallen orb toward him suddenly, perhaps hoping it would not react and she'd reach her target. He caught the small stone of veil quarts beneath his foot a moment before its casing fell away to spread the memory out like a pool beneath his feet. It was far later into their previous life together. She was chasing him through the Crossroads. Always chasing.

Solas' eyes scanned the forest surrounding them. So many memories. So many that he played a part in.

"Why push me away then?" She asked suddenly, pulling him from his melancholy. "If I'm supposed to be some long lost lover, someone you loved so…" her voice broke as emotions she waged against swam to the surface of her face. "…much." She swallowed back the word, blinking too fast. "Why would you leave?"

 _How many times?_

"Do you believe it was easy for me? That I could see your face, your dreams, your memories, and simply turn away?" He realized his voice was losing some of that indifference. He'd moved toward her. A few steps taken slowly, in between words. He was close enough now to touch her, but he kept his hands neutral and limp at his sides.

"But you did, and without so much as an explanation. How am I supposed to believe _any_ of this? How am I supposed to believe _you_?" She was trying desperately to hold on to her anger. He understood. It was familiar to her. It always had been.

"That night, when you found this place, when I began to truly suspect…" His lips tightened into a hard line. "I believed, it would be kinder in the end." Even his words sounded like memories. Was he so doomed to repeat himself for all eternity?

Her arm moved swiftly, jerking another memory out of the trees. Whether she meant to throw it, he did not know. His hand was faster, fingers clutching her at the wrist as he stepped into her.

"Coward!" She shouted as fissures raced along the orb in her hand and light spilled out over them.

"What would you have had me say?" He murmured, the barest hint of anger creeping into his voice. She jerked her arm against his grip as magic trickled down over them, bathing their skin in its familiar light. The scene played out above them as she stared up at him with angry eyes caught somewhere between the past and present. Somewhere between love and hate.

" _I would have had you trust me!"_ Her voice echoed from the memory unfurling above them. The sound of it made him wince. An old wound torn asunder.

Elera's eyes widened until they were wild and frantic. He felt her panic as she struggled against him.

"I want to wake up!" She demanded. Her free arm came up and slammed into his chest. He stiffened against the blow. Her small hand balled into a fist and drew back once more to strike him and he caught it close to his chest and held it between them.

"Let me wake up!" She screamed, thrashing in his arms.

" _Vhenan_." The plea slipped from his lips almost involuntarily.

"I'm not your _vhenan_!" She raged, but she was crying. "I'm not _her_."


	37. Felt the Whole World Change

Her eyes flew open, body sitting up ramrod straight. She was disoriented. She could still smell the sweet herbs and taste magic like syrup and ash on her tongue. She blinked too fast. She didn't know this room but her eyes hardly had time to adjust before the pain took away every rational thought in her mind.

It burned through her like liquid fire. She felt her blood boiling, her skin splitting, wild hair sticking to the sweat beading across her face. She cried out against it and tears burned in a hot stream down her face.

She felt the bed shift and then Solas was simply there. His hand was full of light as he pressed it against her chest and chased back some of the pain.

" _Sathan…_ " He whispered in Elvish and then again. "Elera, please."

A sound choked free from her lips as she pushed him back with her good arm. He barely budged and only braced her back with his free hand while magic soothed out from his other. Elera raged against him, struggling wildly as tears pooled in the corners of her lips while sobs shook her body.

"Let me go!" She cried, kicking her legs beneath soft, cool sheets.

"I will not." Solas replied firmly.

"I don't want to be here! You can't keep me here!" She shouted, thrashing so hard suddenly, Solas' hand slipped from the bandaged wound on her chest. Pain shot through her for that brief instant where his magic disconnected from her body. A pain that caused her to collapse in on herself, curling her inward and right into Solas.

" _Sathan_!" His voice was urgent now, his body shifting to cradle hers as his healing hand once again splayed over her. Elera was breathing too fast, breaths too deep, too uneven. She could see spots even when she closed her eyes. Solas kept his hand against her chest, pinning it between them as he drew her near.

Elera's forehead rested beneath his chin. She could smell his skin. Smell the old books and magic in the hollow of his neck and she breathed deeply.

"You may go, if you wish." She heard him murmur above her. "But I will see you well first."

Her eyes felt heavy again and she tried to force them to stay open. To stay conscious. But the effort was too great and the sweet herbs and scent of magic was like a sedative. More than that, it was the smell of _him._ Of his skin, the deep hum of his voice, the strange familiar feel of his magic coursing through her, and his strong arms holding her so close. She knew she couldn't stay, _wouldn't_ stay, but Creators help her, she didn't want him to let her go.

"I don't want to dream anymore..." She pleaded softly and her eyelids were fluttering in slow, languid blinks as she lost the struggle against oblivion.

Elera opened her eyes and the room was white. There was a strange, sterile smell in the air like rubbing alcohol or disinfectant. Steady sounds echoed through the space, beeping and ticking their monotone tracking.

She was in a hospital.

The elf tested her body, sitting up slowly beneath the white sheets and too-thin blanket. The covers pooled in her lap revealing the simple hospital shift covering her small frame. Her hair had been braided to the side and the twist of darkest auburn looked stark against the pale yellow flowers adorning the loaned gown.

Elera looked around the room. She could hear the beeping of monitors but none seemed to be attached to her in particular. She felt for the bandage across her chest and shoulder but there was nothing.

"Wh-what happened?" She asked no one.

"You're here!" A familiar voice chirped.

Elera spun her head toward the sound and found a waif of a man dressed in scrubs standing next to her bedside. Had he been there the entire time? How had she not noticed him before? How had she not seen a nurse wearing a giant hat?

Elera blinked a few times, making sure he was real.

" _I'm_ here too." He said, as if reading her thoughts. His face was young, still round at the edges and his complexion was nearly as pale as his straw colored hair. His blue eyes were both happy and sad at the same time.

The elf opened her mouth and closed it. She remembered him. She knew she did. It was right on the tip of her tongue…

" _He's the boy in the picture with Varric. He liked helping people. He was kind. What was his name? I know his name."_ He was speaking her thoughts to her out loud and she scolded him without hesitation.

"Cole, stop that." Elera's hands clamped over her mouth as the memory of the boy snapped into place.

"You remember!" He exclaimed, suddenly delighted, then, his face seemed to fall. "Not all of me. Only parts. The now parts. The rest is too hard. You're not ready, but you have to be ready. _She_ needs you to be ready."

Elera scrubbed her hands over her face and across her scalp. "I don't know what that means, Cole." She expressed honestly. The only Cole she remembered worked at a hospital, specifically in the ICU or terminal wards. He'd left some years back to volunteer for "healers without borders" or some such thing. Problem was, no one had heard from him in so long…even Varric wasn't sure where the young man was now.

The mage scratched at the edge of her scalp. How long had she been in here? "When did you get back? I remember…you left and no one knew how to reach you." She shook her head. The details were still sparse and hazy.

"I went where I could help." He stated simply. "But you were hurting. So loudly. I wanted to help _you_." He confessed.

Elera sighed. None of it made sense. She wasn't sure how long she'd been lying there in that hospital bed, but she wasn't even hooked up to any monitors. How was that possible? Why was she there if she wasn't sick or injured?

"I think I'm fine now, Cole." She pushed back the covers on the bed and swung her legs out from beneath them. Her feet were covered by little socks with rubber pads stuck to the soles. She hated the way they felt on the bottoms of her feet.

"They'll keep you from falling." The blond wisp of a man offered.

Elera started to tell him to stop reading her thoughts, but it seemed absurd to even suggest. It was just coincidence. He couldn't actually read her thoughts…

"Yes I can." He answered bluntly and Elera started. It made her focus on him. Really focus on him. The too large scrubs that hung of his lean frame. The too large hat that nearly obstructed his face. Why did he even have a hat on in the first place? "I like my hat." He offered and the mage stilled.

"Cole." She said his name slowly, cautiously.

"No, don't be afraid. I'm not here to hurt you. I want to help you." His voice colored with worry suddenly. "You knew I liked the hat. You said I could listen…but that was _then_ and you don't remember. Please, let me help."

Elera knew her eyes were a little too wide, showing a little too much white. Like the frightened thing she was trying not to be, and failing miserably. It was too strange. The hospital she didn't remember. No monitors. No one else except a friend she hadn't seen in years. A friend who could suddenly read her mind.

"Am I…am I dreaming this?" She asked. She should have been horrified that the idea of being in the Fade brought her a measure of comfort in this particular situation. Because, if it was real…it would have just been too much.

Cole tilted his head ever so slightly, like a curious bird. " _I don't want to dream anymore._ _So afraid. What if it's real? Don't let go. He's warm and smells like magic. Like home…."_

"Cole!" His name echoed in the empty room as Elera stood suddenly.

"Now you're hurting. I'm sorry. I want to help. _She_ can help. _She_ can make the hurting less. Share it."

Elera's brow furrowed. She licked her lips and looked around the room. They were alone as far as she could tell. "Who is _she_?"

Cole smiled. " _She_ is _you._ "

"What?"

"She waited and waited. So long. So confused. She tried to help you remember. She sent the white trees, but they didn't stick. You saw her in the glass, but it was hollow. She couldn't reach you. Couldn't touch your heart."

She'd had enough. Elera said nothing as she went for the door. She didn't have time for riddles. She needed to find the way out. If this was another dream, she needed to wake the fuck up.

The corridor was white, the florescent lights were sparse and dim. She could hear the distant murmur of televisions turned down low and monitors beeping in a steady, reassuring rhythm. Her padded feet moved swiftly down the smooth tile, a draft wafting up and through the thin hospital garb she wore. Her eyes were frantic as she scanned the empty rooms and hallways for someone…anyone. Where was everyone? No hospital was ever empty. Unless…

"Shit!" She cursed. It _was_ a dream. She was in the Fade…again. It was hardly an improvement to her last bout of unconsciousness, but at least she understood her surroundings a little more.

Elera slowed her pace with the realization of her current state. She just needed to wake up. Cole wasn't real. He was just a manifestation of her mind.

"But I _am_ real." He insisted, appearing before her suddenly in a cloud of Fade-tinged smoke and light.

The little rubber pads on her socks squeaked against the tile as she skidded to an abrupt stop, nearly toppling backwards. Now, real fear twisted her expression. Raw and vibrant beneath her eyes.

"What are you?" She demanded. Her stance shifting to something more aggressive, more prepared for a fight.

Cole's face turned sad and Elera felt it tug at her, wounding her conscience. "You _used_ to remember. I told you I wouldn't let you forget…but…everything's mixed up. Different. She forgot too, and then the magic woke her up again. Made her remember _then_. Remember why she chose you. Why you _needed_ her." He rambled and Elera held up her hand to silence him.

"What in the Void are you talking about? Who is _she_? What does she have to do with me?" She screwed her eyes shut, pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand. "Fuck, I just want to wake up."

"She's you. She's right here." He murmured and Elera huffed out an aggravated sigh, her eyes flying open.

"What does that even-" They'd stopped in front of a bank of mirrors. She could see her reflection staring at her in the glass, but she looked… _different_. "…mean?" Her voice dropped off as she realized her reflection wasn't moving her mouth. She was just looking back at her with an exasperated expression.

Elera took a step toward the mirror and her reflection didn't move. The elf licked her lips. It was _her_ , but it wasn't. She wore her hair loose, but it was shorter than it was now. It fell haphazardly around her freckled cheeks; cheeks that were blessedly bare and unblemished by the dark lines of vallaslin. She wore no hospital gown. Her reflection stood straight and proud, fitted with leathers made of dragon scales and cloth that shimmered like the Fade. There was a staff strapped to her back, the crystal at its head glittering with unspent magic. Elera recognized the staff immediately. It hung on the wall in her room, though its metal had dulled and magic had long since faded.

"Impossible." Elera whispered.

" _I'm not your vhenan. I'm not her._ " Cole muttered absently, poking through her thoughts once more. "But you _are_. You feel it. You're just scared, but you don't have to be. You don't remember, but he never forgot. He carried you with him and you followed him to now."

She felt like she was going to pass out. She inhaled sharply and swallowed hard. "I'm not. I'm this person, whoever she is." She persisted, but even she couldn't deny that what she saw staring back at her was indeed more than a mere reflection.

"She is you. You're the same. You're newer, but she's always been with you. Elera Lavellan. The Herald of Andraste. The Inquisitor. Knight Enchanter. Vhenan. You're all of these. You are her."

She was closer to the mirror now, squared off with herself. It could have been a demon. They both could have been.

"You know we're not." Cole answered, reading the doubt in her mind.

"I don't." She began, but then added. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do." She wanted to understand it all. Wanted the questions, the hollowness in her memories, to end. Was this some part of herself she needed to embrace to be free of all that doubt she carried? Was it all just a giant metaphor? Things were rarely as they seemed in the Fade.

"Stop being afraid of yourself." The other Elera said from behind the glass. Eyes the same strange marriage of blue and violet focused and narrowed.

"I'm not afraid." Elera told her boldly.

The other version of herself placed her hand up and against the glass. Elera swore she saw the mirror ripple.

"Prove it." The other her challenged.

Elera's eyes narrowed. She lifted her hand to the glass but hesitated a mere inch above it.

"What's going to happen?" She asked, wanting to be sure.

The other her smiled and it was soft and genuine. "I don't know, but I think we figure it out together."

"He'll know." Cole offered gently and both Elera's gave him a thoughtful look. "He knows lots of things." Cole smiled.

Elera took a deep breath. She was done being scared. She was tired of not remembering. She'd felt like she'd been missing a piece of herself for months now and maybe…just maybe…in some really obtuse way… _this_ was that piece.

Her fingers touched the glass and she felt a brush of skin against her fingertips…

Her hand twitched against warm skin. She felt fingers around her wrist, a weight against the edge of the bed. Her eyes blinked open, once, twice and finally the haze faded from the edged enough for her to see clearly.

 _Solas_.

He was holding her wrist, his eyes fixed on a small pocket watch as he checked her pulse. She felt her breath catch suddenly and he turned his head to look at her. A stray tendril of long hair slipped free of the messy knot he'd twisted it into. His eyes were still sharp and keen as ever. Freckles barely visible in the dim light, but she knew where every one of them colored his skin. Knowledge filled her almost too fast to breathe past and she felt dizzy. It was like seeing him for the first time and as if she hadn't seen him in ages.

"Solas." His name was soft, so soft against her lips, as if she might break it apart if spoken too loud.

He gave her wrist a little squeeze before releasing it and tucking the watch away.

"You were unconscious again. Three days this time. Your condition seems to have improved however, and I am glad to see you awake." He stated matter-of-factly.

Three days? It could have been three minutes or three lifetimes. Both felt right enough.

"I'll get you some water. You must be thirsty." He murmured, his weight rising from the bed.

Her hand jerked up, reaching for him, fingers pulling him back down. "Wait! Solas, wait. Don't go."

Solas felt her fingers around his wrist. They were cool and soft and tingled against his skin. There was a desperation in her voice that stilled him. It sent a chill up his spine and he was fearful of what he would see when he turned his gaze on her.

Her eyes were large and bright. Her hair spilled around her face like spun silk. Her ears poked out from behind the thick tendrils, demanding to be seen. She'd always been brash, unafraid. Only he had seen her vulnerable. Only he had known that part of her. He knew the expression she wore now. That anxious pleading in her eyes. The silent beseeching. _Don't leave me. Not now…_

"I remember…" She began and then her face softened, a smile toying with her luscious mouth, distracted suddenly. "You grew your hair…" She drew herself into a partial incline, reaching for the loose tendril with her other hand. Her smile broadened as her fingertips stroked the long strand as if it were the first time she'd seen it. "I like it." She mused and Solas suddenly jerked away from her as if her touch had burned him.

He was at the edge of the bed, unable to face her, unable to look at that knowledge behind her beautiful eyes. Why did he torment himself this way? Hadn't he wanted this, in some way? Hadn't he hoped, dreamed even?

His fingers slipped inside his pocket, caressing the glass orb he'd confiscated. He palmed the tiny ornament, rolled it against his digits and steeled himself.

"What did you remember?" He dared.

He felt the bed shift as she sat up. Her fingers brushed his shoulder on their way to cup his cheek and the hedge mage held his breath against her touch.

"That I love you, Solas."

He was holding his eyes open, refusing to blink. The strain stung his irises and when he finally closed them, there was more moisture there than he believed. His body moved on its own, cheek sliding against her palm as he nestled it there. He swallowed hard.

"You…Elera you…" he started, but the words weren't coming. He tried and they failed.

"You said, _in another world,_ Solas." She echoed words from a memory and his breath shuddered out.

" _This_ is not that world, my love." Reason was leaving him. He was talking without thinking. A flood of memories, of emotions, overtaking his polite mask.

He felt the bed shift again as she drew herself closer. She shouldn't have been moving. She had improved but was still not fully recovered. She…

" _Ar lath ma, vhenan._ "

Solas opened his eyes and she was there waiting and he couldn't look away. She made him see her. Made him see the recognition in her eyes. _She knew._ All those memories that had unraveled before her, that had instilled her with confusion and fear, they had all suddenly clicked home. He had a theory for the how's and why's, but the point was… _she_ had remembered. Against all odds, she had returned to him. He didn't deserve it, but she had.

He kissed her suddenly, arms slipping around her, drawing her against him as he parted her lips with his tongue and fed from her mouth like a starving man. He felt the push of her magic as it welled to the surface to greet him in an ages-old ritual they'd shared. A secret caress between lovers. A magical embrace they'd shared with no other…

Solas broke away breathless and nuzzled her forehead with his own, noses brushing ever-so-slightly.

" _Ar lath ma, vhenan."_ He answered and for the first time in a millennia, truly smiled.


	38. No More Words

There was a thousand years of kisses missed. I thousand caresses. A thousand smiles. Tiny, precious moments lost to time and a distance that could not be reclaimed. So many words left unspoken. All the apologies in the world didn't seem like enough. There was no way to appreciate a gift like this. Nothing would ever be sufficient.

She was crying again, or perhaps she'd never stopped, but these tears ran against a face illuminated with such joy. Her hands slid up over either side of his face until she held him from both sides. She kissed the corners of his mouth where he was still smiling. Then, she kissed him fully, deeply, until they were breathless once more.

Elera slid her hands around his head and pulled his hair free of its bind, letting the long tendrils fall down like water over her arms. He looked both unchanged and brand new. Younger and ageless. The Dalish woman brought his mouth back to hers as she tangled her fingers in his hair. She fed from him with greedy kisses as she drew him down to the pillows.

Solas stopped his own progression with a hand against the mattress. Elera leaned her head against the plush cushions but held her fingers loosely around his neck.

"We shouldn't." He sighed and licked his bottom lip. Elera wanted to reach up and grab that lip between her teeth.

"After all this time, _this_ still?" She sighed, recalling that they had, in fact, _never_ in the past. It came to her in a haze of foggy memories that were still unfamiliar and strange.

His eyes shifted so that he wasn't staring directly at her, the smile that had been there only seconds before drifting away to something more somber.

"Solas, don't we deserve this? A second chance? A second life, just for us?" Her hands slid down a little to guide his eyes back to hers. There was a sorrow in his gaze that made her heart ache. She wanted to kiss that sadness from him.

" _You_ do, my love." He murmured.

Elera pulled his lips to hers. "So do _you_." She insisted before claiming his mouth once more. She felt his weight shift as he bent his elbow and lowered himself against her, careful to keep from applying any pressure to her chest or shoulder.

She kissed him with her hands holding him in place, afraid to let him go, to let him run, but he didn't leave. Not this time.

His legs were a welcomed weight over her own and she spread hers beneath the sheets to allow him to sink between them. Despite the barrier of fabric separating them, she could feel his body react as he nestled against her. Feel the hard press of him growing firmer as he absently rocked against her.

" _Sathan, Vhenan…_ " She pleaded softly. Even her Elvish sounded more eloquent, more familiar, as if she'd spoken it for several lifetimes. The intricate inflections returning to her syllables as if they had always been there, but Solas heard the difference and the sudden supplication sent him over the careful edge he'd been balanced on.

The bare-faced elf made a sound low in his throat as his hand tore at the sheet between them. He yanked the sateen free and discarded it without so much as a glance at the offensive linen. His hand ran up the length of her thigh as he lowered himself back into the center of her legs. Her body was warm against his palm. Her skin smooth and pale as moonlight. He pushed the hem of the oversized tee shirt she wore; a loan he'd bestowed when he'd bandaged her wound and cleaned her blood-stained skin. He savored each touch, each new curve as he caressed over her hip, her stomach, each rib and higher still, until he cupped the supple mound of her breast.

Elera's mouth broke away from the kiss. A sigh that was nearly a moan escaping her lips as Solas ran his thumb over the taught peak of her nipple. He teased at her breast as his mouth drug rough kisses down her chin and across the vallaslin that spread over her throat. He suckled at the pulse there as it raced beneath her skin like a trapped thing. Her hips bucked where he'd pinned them with his weight. Her legs spread wider, beckoning him, inviting him.

The Dalish mage let her hands grow loose as his face slipped farther away. She fought the urge to close her eyes against the sweet pressure he applied to her nipple or the heat of his mouth tracing the tattooing along her throat. She wanted to watch him. She wanted to see the darkness in his eyes as he claimed her body one agonizing inch at a time.

Her hands slipped over his shoulders and fisted in the fabric of his shirt, pulling it toward her. Solas rose up and drew the material over his head, his hair falling like a dark sheen over his sun-kissed skin. Elera didn't give him the chance to shift his body as he tossed the garment to the floor. Her hands were racing up the clean contour of his abdomen, nails tracing fine lines down his unblemished skin. She paused for a moment to simply admire him before her hands were unfastening his pants. There was a sense of urgency to her movements, an eagerness that caused the other elf to smile mischievously.

When she'd managed to loosen the jeans to the point of removing them, Solas stole a kiss, pausing her advances long enough to slip from her reach. Elera growled against his mouth but he only smiled and snatched another kiss as his hand slipped between her legs, palming her before tracing a hard line back up with his index finger. Elera gasped suddenly, hips rolling in anxious response to his clever fingers. She knew precisely what those fingers could do and she quivered at the memory and the promise.

He hooked his thumbs under her panties and peeled them away from her legs until they lay as forgotten as his shirt. Elera reached for him once more but his hips were just out of reach and a careful hand splayed across her collarbone stilled her body before she could rise up.

Solas gazed over her, bare to him from the waist down, his borrowed shirt bunched up in loose folds around her breasts. Her breaths heavy and anxious beneath his hand. Her eyes luminous beneath hooded lids. Her lips were swollen with needy kisses. Her cheeks flushed. Her hair was a dark pool of color around her pale skin. Her fingers stretched and reached for him even as he held her gently at bay. He wanted to curl his fingers around her wrists, pin them above her head while slowly pushing himself inside her. The image was so strong he stifled a shudder, taking hold of himself firmly in his free hand.

He couldn't take her as he wanted. He couldn't risk aggravating her injury. For an instant he warred with himself. Hesitated. Then his pants were off, everything went to the edge of the bed or the floor, he didn't care. He knelt between her legs and slowly lowered himself so that he lay against her but didn't enter. Her breath eased out in a sigh as he leaned over her body to kiss her, basking in the warmth, the heat of her skin. She was slick, ready, but he refrained, kissing her instead. Teasing her with his tongue inside her mouth as he rolled his hips ever-so-slightly.

"Solas…" She moaned and there was that pleading in her voice again.

He gazed at her, eyes fixed, and then a familiar warning whispered through his thoughts.

"Your memories…" he began, surprised as how breathless he sounded already. "How much do you—"

Elera's eyes became more focused as she felt him retreating. Not again…

Her legs wrapped around him, heels hooking as she arched her hips, bringing herself to him. She let him feel the slick heat at her opening as she pulled him down with her legs, letting just the tip enter. Her eyes were fierce and determined. She held his gaze and let him see all the knowledge she now possessed.

"Enough." She huffed, and she saw the final remains of his polite mask fall away as he conceded.

The sound that spilled from his lips was something guttural, feral and still restrained. His hands were on her hips, holding her down, holding her in place while he finished what she'd started. He let it be slow, controlled. He had to hold her. Had to hold something to keep himself grounded. To keep from losing every rational thought left in him.

He savored it.

Every twitch of her skin beneath his hands. The long, mewling sound she groaned as he pushed deeper, deeper, until he was buried to the hilt in the warmth of her body. He stayed there for several heartbeats, leaning over her to snatch a kiss from her parted lips, his forehead rolling across hers, noses brushing against one another.

And then he began to move.

It was slow at first. Long, languid movements. Drawing himself nearly all the way out before slowly easing back in. He repeated the process and watched her reactions. He listened to her breaths, her moans, felt the fine tremble begin in her body. He held her gaze as he began to thrust in earnest, drawing one slender thigh up to hook her leg over his shoulder as he drove deeper and her soft sounds became something darker. Sounds of need and a yearning that had spanned centuries.

As his pace quickened he placed a thoughtful hand over the short tuft of curls at the apex of her sex. With his thumb over her clit he traced a tiny glyph of frost and cast the magic over that very delicate spot. Elera's spine bowed and she cried out beneath him. He timed his thrusts with the short bursts of delicate spells as he cast them in tandem. His thumb was an instrument of pleasure as he stroked small circles and cast infinitely complex spells in the same instant. Just enough to bring her to the edge. Just enough to draw those long, trembling moans from her mouth. Until he himself began to shudder from the effort.

Her mouth was agape with wordless sounds. Her skin was alight with the fine sheen of sweat as it vibrated with the threat of coming undone. Each spell burst over her skin, over the most sensitive of places, and brought her teetering just on the edge of oblivion. Then he would withdraw just enough, slow just enough, for her senses to return, and then it was another surge of magic, a torrent of thrusts filling her over and over until she screamed wordlessly, but he held her at the precipice. It was the first time he'd allowed himself to know her body and yet, it was as if she were an instrument he'd mastered long ago.

He _knew_ her. _All_ of her.

"S—sa-" She started to tell him please or maybe it was to say his name, she couldn't be certain when he cast a final time, his own rhythm having grown too chaotic to maintain. He thrust once, twice more and she screamed, nails sinking home in the strong flesh of his hip and thigh as she drew herself up and around him. Every muscle contracted, shook and tingled like long spent magic.

He was buried as deep as he could go, body still pulsing inside hers. He drew a line of wet, sloppy kisses up her calf and to the bend in her knee before letting her leg fall softly to the side so that he could lean over her. She tasted like honey and ash, her magic answering the familiar whisper of his as they kissed.

He met her lazy stare as they fought to relearn how to breathe, a smile on both their lips.

She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she wasn't sure she remembered how to speak. With his steely eyes smiling down at her, however, she realized, they didn't need words.


	39. Faries in the Sunlight

The feel of warm breath against the nape of her neck slowly drug her from a peaceful sleep. Elera opened her eyes to a spill of sunlight seeping through the curtains. She could see little particles of dust fluttering through the air as they passed through the sunbeam like tiny fairies in some fantasy. It felt like it must have been a fantasy, with the strong body draped around her back. He'd curled a leg over her hip as he spooned her. An arm had snaked beneath the shirt she wore to keep his palm against the healing wound he was still fretting over, even in sleep.

Elera shifted ever so slightly in the cradle of his body, feeling that he was still blessedly nude beneath the sheets that covered them. She slowly wiggled her hips against him, coaxing his body awake. His breathing never even changed when he struck suddenly. His teeth clasped gently at the nape of her neck and she stilled as a thrill raced up and down her spine. His mouth was hot against her skin and the wet flick of his tongue lured a sigh from her lips.

"Good morning to you too." She mused, mouth going dry at the feel of him growing hard against her. She started to roll her ass over the firm press of him when his teeth bit a little harder, his hand moving down to hold her hip in place. Elera groaned at the deterrent. She wanted to feel him inside her. She wanted him to scream his pleasure against her skin as he took her. She wanted-

" _Vhenan…_ " Solas muttered, sleep still thick in his cultured voice.

"Hm?" She quirked softly. He had released her with his teeth, but his lips moved across the tender spot he'd left.

"We should get up." His breath tickled as his lips moved just over the tiny hairs at the top of her spine. "Cassandra will be here before long. I trust you would prefer a shower and a change of clothes before then."

Elera snuck her arm between them, fingers wrapping around the thick of him. "Surely we have a little time yet?" She asked, stroking his length.

His breath came out in a rough sigh as he rocked against her hand. She was incorrigible. His hand shifted away from her hip to her wrist, quieting her relentless taunting. His free hand gripped the back of her neck, and his lips moved to whisper huskily in her ear.

"No." That one word was a warning and it made the Dalish elf still in his arms. Solas nuzzled the shell of her ear and added softly, "When I'm certain you're well I will take you again and again, until you come only for me." He kissed a gentle line down her ear and released her slowly, climbing from the bed as he did so.

Elera rolled over and swallowed hard. She watched him rise from the tangle of sheets until he stood in all his naked splendor. His hair fell over his shoulders in haphazard lines and she could see the faint remnants of her scratches against the curve of his thigh. It made it all the more difficult not to stare at the erection he was pretending to ignore.

He held a hand out to her and she took it without question. She was surprised that she wasn't disoriented or even a little light-headed considering she'd been in and out of consciousness for several days. She suspected she had Solas to thank for her rapid state of recovery. She had no idea what might have happened without his intervention and care, but she knew it couldn't have been good.

She let him draw the loose tee shirt over her head and she winced at the tenderness in her shoulder and across her chest. Solas traced a faint line across the tender knot of tissue that marked her skin. It was all that remained of the bullet wound and Elera could almost see it if she tilted her chin down.

"The lyrium is out of your system. All that remains is for your body to repair the surface damage. The stitches should dissolve on their own." Solas commented absently as he inspected the injury as if they weren't standing completely naked in front of one another.

"You stitched me up?" She needled.

"It was not so difficult." He stated plainly. "I thought perhaps you would prefer not to have a scar." There was something in the way he said it. Like he wasn't talking about the bullet wound, but how could she accuse him otherwise?

Elera reached up and cupped his cheek. He turned into it, placing a kiss in the center that she felt all the way to her toes.

"Solas," she began softly. "I didn't remember everything." It had all come back in a flood of emotions. All she had been able to think about was reuniting with the elf before her. She remembered the love, the loss, the yearning that lingered despite it all. A thousand memories had burst inside her mind and there simple hadn't been room to make sense of them all.

"I know, _Vhenan_." He brought his hands up to wrap around her wrist as he nuzzled the palm of her hand.

She had to tell him the truth. That it wasn't the magical reunion he'd probably wanted. That all was not as it was. She was far from whole. Far from changed.

"There's too many memories and more I haven't even begun to process yet. Last night, there was so much and I just wanted…I…" She sighed. "I can't hang onto them. It's like waking up from a dream that was so real you couldn't tell you were sleeping, but then, the longer you're awake, the less and less you can remember about it."

Solas kissed her hand once more, not saying a word as she confessed her fears.

"I know it was real. I felt, I still feel it, but the details…" Her voice trailed off. What if it didn't last? What if she forgot again and there was no way to get them back?

Solas drew her hand away from his face, giving it a gentle squeeze between his own. "They will come to you, _Vhenan._ Come." He gave her arm a little tug and she followed him toward the bathroom and their impending shower. Though, even if he was going to join her, there was still some part of her that wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the covers and never come back out.


	40. Concerned Car Rides

Cassandra didn't even attempt to hide the disgusted noise choking out of her throat. Elera didn't flinch. Her gaze remained fixed on the passing buildings and cars as they drove back to their apartment. Her thoughts were a thousand years away. She could feel that life like a ghost clinging to the back of her mind. It _had_ been real. She felt it deep in her bones, but it was like a fragile dream made of starlight. Something she could see and yet never truly grasp.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Cassandra grunted.

"Hm?" The elven mage turned her gaze only slightly from the passenger window. The sharp angles of her roommate's face were angry lines.

"You've barely said a word since leaving."

Elera shrugged and was reminded of the soreness still lingering in her chest and shoulder. "How have you been?" She muttered.

Cassandra's hands slammed down on the steering wheel before she reminded herself she was still driving the car.

"That wasn't what I meant and you know it." The Nevarran woman glared across the car. "You were shot, infected with this _red lyrium_. Solas swore you would die if we tried to move you. We had to trust that he could truly save you!" Her voice quieted, the anger dying on her tongue. "You've been gone for almost a week, Elera."

The Dalish woman gave Cassandra her full attention then. For an instant she saw the Right Hand of the Divine sitting next to her. For an instant she remembered her best friend from a millennia gone by. Then as quickly as it had drifted through her mind, the image slipped away.

Elera licked her lips. "I'm sorry, Cassandra. I'm not entirely myself, yet," she confessed softly. Memories were welling to the surface all the time, but it was as if there were too many for her mind to hold onto. There simply wasn't enough room for both lives inside her thoughts.

"But you're alright, aren't you? Solas, he…"

"He saved my life, Cassandra." Elera finished quickly. The corner of her mouth twitched.

"Is that all he did?" Cassandra grumbled. Elera shot her a warning look and the human's expression softened. "Just be careful, Elera. Please. For once in your life?"

The Dalish mage didn't try to hide her smile this time as she nodded in response. Though, she couldn't help but think, _which one_?


	41. No Apology Needed

"Yes, I know you've already given your statement to the SoT…" She was going in circles.

In the week since she and Solas had raided the abandoned warehouse, neither the Templars nor Seekers had managed to gain any more information about who exactly was behind the red lyrium that had mysteriously started circulating in Haven.

According to Cassandra, they had arrived to an empty building, save for a single crate of the corrupted crystals and a large, ornate mirror. No one knew where the smugglers had fled to, or _how_ for that matter. Elera knew that if she started telling people they'd run through a magic mirror… well… it was best she avoided that little detail for now.

The only good thing to come out of it all, was that they finally had enough of the substance for Dagna to run proper tests. Solas had been a great help to them as well, at least, that was the impression Elera had been given. For her own part, the Dalish mage had been suspended. The LS had declared it to be for medical leave, but Elera knew it was just his way of taking her out of the equation for the time being. She imagined that he'd have her buried in desk work once she was allowed to return.

Cassandra hadn't been much better than the LS. The Nevarran had been furious at the elf's recklessness and was increasingly suspicious of Solas. After she'd driven her home, Cassandra had told her, in so many words, that she couldn't watch her nearly get herself killed again. Elera hadn't known what to say to that. An apology had seemed insufficient, but she knew she wouldn't promise not to continue to pursue the case. It simply wasn't in her.

Cassandra had expected as much and was spending the weekend with a friend, claiming she needed a little space and encouraging the elf to think things through carefully.

Everything was a mess.

Despite the immaculate breakthrough she'd had with her memories and love life, everything else seemed to be turning to shit.

"I'm not asking about that, _Sir_. I just want to know how you managed to ship several dozen crates of contraband and you conveniently have no information on who approved the shipment on _your_ truck!" Elera was standing in her living room. Case files and paperwork scattered across the coffee table in a haphazard workspace. Suspended or not, she wasn't just going to sit around and do nothing. There were people who could still be questioned. People who hadn't been questioned enough. There were stones left unturned.

"Excuse me?" She was yelling now, magic sparking along her fingertips in rage. "Hello? H-hello?" The line was already dead and the elf threw the receiver into the nearby couch. " _Fenedhis_!" She cursed in elvish.

Her breath huffed out in an angry sigh and she fisted her hands into her long hair. She let go of the messy tendrils and scrubbed a hand down her face. She hated this. Hated warming the bench. Hated the waiting. Hated the helplessness. She should have been out there. Should have been fixing this. Should have been doing something.

To make matters worse. She hadn't spoken to Solas since she'd left his apartment days before. What had been a wondrous revelation, a reawakening and rekindling of souls (it felt like), had begun to slip away before it was ever really on solid ground. Sure, he'd sent the occasional text message to check on her recovery, but nothing about her memories. Nothing about the night they'd shared. Nothing that even suggested it was more than just a moment of weakness, of lapse in judgement, of impulsiveness. She hadn't even heard his voice on the phone or seen his face in the Fade since it all happened.

Elera screamed suddenly. A long, rasp of rage filled noise that echoed off the brick walls. Her muscles tensed until they ached. She balled her hands into fists until she felt her nails biting into her palms. When no more sound would come out of her mouth, the elf collapsed into the couch cushions, head sinking into her hands.

"Fuck." She groaned.

She hadn't eaten and she knew she should. She'd spend the better part of the morning making phone calls that left her more frustrated than when she'd began. Now she just felt tired.

The Dalish mage pushed herself from the cushions and padded to the kitchen on bare feet. The tiles were cool against her toes as she meandered around the cupboards for something that resembled food. Elera stuffed her hand into a box of half-stale cereal and flipped the coffee maker back on. She leaned against the counter, stuffing her mouth full of the bland little circles that tasted of sweetened cardboard. She could just make out her reflection in the stainless steel of the appliances. Namely, the fridge. Her hair was a disheveled wreck. Her tank top hung loosely over her hips, the armholes cut low enough that she probably should have been wearing a bra but didn't care enough to. The leggings were cropped just below her knees and the seams were starting to fray a little around her thighs. She stared at her blurry image in the doors of her refrigerator and saw nothing of the ancient warrior she was once upon a time.

Elera threw one of the little round cereal pieces at her image.

Three, clear and evenly spaced knocks came at the door then. Elera shot a venomous glare at the offensive door and called out, "We don't want any!" Before dragging her feet to the peep-hole to spy who was trying to sell her something. She was chewing her cereal, the box between her hands, and the puffed spheres of corn nearly choked her as she looked through the tiny window.

 _Solas_!

She dragged a hand across her mouth and swallowed quickly, brushing the front of her top for any crumbs. She still had the box in her other hand but setting it anywhere outside of the kitchen seemed worse than carrying it around. _Shit_.

The Dalish elf flipped the deadbolt and opened the door wide. "Solas!" She exclaimed, and then realized, "Your hair?"

His sharp eyes focused on her then and she felt her mouth go dry. That focused, purposeful stare flooding her thoughts with a thousand memories of similar looks. Looks that had knotted her stomach, clenched her thighs, and sped her pulse. A look that was made all the more poignant without the fall of dark hair to soften it.

He'd shaved his head. More than shaved it, really. He'd removed it entirely, until the sharp points of his ears stood out like a rebellion.

Elera felt the memories swim to the surface of her thoughts, as if they'd been waiting there for the light of his face to guide them to that deep inhale of breath. She saw him in the snow, the tiny flakes falling from the sky to melt against his unadorned skin. She saw the warm light of a pure sunset casting beams of gold along the dusting of freckles across his cheeks. She saw the blue glow of a barrier coating his body as he cast deadly spells toward hordes of demons. She saw his face in a thousand memories that happened a thousand years ago, each one unique, each one a treasure, even if she couldn't make sense of them all.

Her knees buckled at the onslaught and Solas moved into the apartment, closing the door behind him. His hand was on her waist, leading her backwards and into the adjacent kitchen.

She swallowed past the snatches of memory that threatened to overwhelm her and tried to keep herself in the here and now as her back bumped the edge of the counter. Solas brought his free hand up to push the strap of her tank aside and inspect her forgotten wound.

"Amazing how much a hairstyle can help you remember things." She tried to joke, but she was breathless. His fingers were electric and sizzled along her skin as he prodded and traced small lines over what remained of her scar. "It's much better. Didn't I text you that yesterday? I don't even know if the stitches are still there." She was rambling, fighting to keep her wits about her as the other elf inspected her body with long, nimble fingers.

He lowered his hand, blue eyes focusing on her face once more. He was so serious. So completely fixated. It made her want to squirm. He still hadn't said a word and she was still holding a box of cereal.

Her free hand rose to touch the now smooth skin of his head, but he caught her at the wrist. The hand that rested gingerly against her waist moved to ease the cereal box from her hands and place it on the counter. Then he used it to take her other wrist, guiding both arms behind her back to clasp them one-handed.

"Solas…" she began as the first real thrill raced up her spine. He placed a single finger against her mouth and shushed her in one long, slow whisper of sound. His finger trailed slowly down her mouth, over the line that bisected her lip in vallaslin, down her chin, the center of her throat, and between her breasts. She felt the digit slid along the loose fabric of her shirt, but she didn't dare take her eyes off his. Her mouth parted in a rough sigh as she felt his hand slid back up and along the hardening peeks of her nipples. Solas rolled the little points between his fingers, pinching until she made a little sound in her throat.

His hand tore the fabric aside then, revealing one high mound of flesh, Elera arched her back instinctively toward him in a kind of silent offering. Once which he took suddenly and skillfully. His mouth sealing over her breast, tongue flicking across the taut bud before his teeth took the point. Elera felt herself react, moaning reflexively, the subtle ache between her legs transforming into a near throb of need.

She remembered what he'd told her then. The promise he'd made that morning after they'd woken next to one another.

 _When I'm certain you're well I will take you again and again, until you come only for me._

The knowledge made her wet and caused her breath to stutter.

While he marked her breast with teeth and tongue, his hand slipped beneath the elastic of her leggings, finding the heat at the center of her. His fingers found the slick wetness between her legs and traced a hot line between the folds of her body. Elera swallowed convulsively, unable to gasp from the dryness in her throat.

Solas lifted his mouth and the weight of his gaze as he tightened ever muscle in her body. He let go of her all at once and spun her suddenly so that she pinned between him and the counter. She felt cool air hit her as he jerked her leggings down around her thighs. His hands slid up the curve of her ass and higher across her back. He was breathing a little faster than before and she could feel a fine tremble in his hands, as if he were fighting himself for control. Solas guided her arms to splay out in front of her over the countertop. He pulled her wild hair back over the point of one ear, twisting it around his hand as he leaned over her. She felt his breath hotly against her ear just as the hard, thickness of him pressed between her legs.

Her breath eased out in a shudder and she parted her thighs for him. She felt him push his length between her legs, teasing her in an agonizing stroke that never entered. He licked a line down the shell of one ear, holding the lobe between his teeth, an instant before she felt him fill her in one sharp, unannounced thrust.

Elera cried out, fingers digging into the counter, vying for purchase. Her knees bent ever-so-slightly, legs parting as much as he would allow her in order to give him entrance, but he hardly seemed to need the assistance. He withdrew nearly to the end and drove himself back inside with a harsh sound that ripped a short, high sound from the Dalish elf's mouth.

He continued to draw his length to the very edge of her and plunge back inside with a jarring force until he was satisfied with the tension in her body. Then, with another twist of his fingers in her long hair, teeth grazing along the nape of her neck, he began to fuck her in earnest.

The sound slapped across the brick walls and high ceilings, mixed with her cries of ecstasy as he sped his pace into something aggressive and unrelenting. Elera could hear him growling low against the curve of her shoulder. A single hand dug fingertips into her hip as he held her, the other buried in her hair.

The stillness he'd demanded of her without so much as a word began to wane as his rhythm became more erratic and her body insisted on matching his. The hand that held her hip abandoning its post to cup her chin and caress warm fingers across her lips. Elera took his first two digits into her mouth, sucking hard as she moaned around the taste of herbs and ancient texts.

His quickened as she bit the tips of his index and pointer finger, the sound that reverberated in her ear not anything she'd ever heard in elvish or even from a human mouth. She smelled the heavy ozone of magic and felt it race, without warning, along her skin. Every hair on her body stood on end and she was suddenly filled with a surge of mana that sent her tipping over the edge.

Solas pulled his fingers free an instant before the orgasm clenched her teeth and sent her screaming her pleasure into the empty air. She was driving her body against his at what should have been a painful echo, but only served to bring the bare-faced elf across his own precipice. As her body clenched around him he drove into her frantically until he had to reclaim her hip, holding her against him as he married their bodies in one final thrust.

Elera saw spots as she fought to relearn how to breathe, relaxing her fingers on the counter. Her body still tingled and throbbed as she felt the other elf sink against her. His grip on her hair loosened until he was simply stroking the soft tendrils between his fingertips. He remained inside of her. The hand on her hip sliding up to cover one of her arms where it remained on the counter.

" _Ir abelas… I…_ "

"No apology needed." Elera managed breathlessly.

Solas kissed along the back of her neck and shoulder. Elera could have sworn she felt him smile against her skin.

"Although," she murmured. "Most people would have just said, _hello_."

He chuckled softly and she felt the aftershock of it inside her, tingling just beneath the surface like unspent magic. Then his voice breathed against her ear, low and deep and deliciously him…

" _I_ , am not _most people_."


End file.
